my m8's baby?

Question

my mate has a baby who is 6months i baby sat on sat nite and noticed:
the baby had a big rash due to cheap wipes
0~3 months clothes that i picked off the floor
house a mess
smoking in the same room
she goes out all the time
what can i do about????
i am 10 weeks pregnant myself shall i just leave it and worry that im not going to b like that as i did try and say something!!!!????plz help

Answer 1

Show her concern, ask if she is coping - she is very likely to take great offence, at least initially. Offer your support if she is not coping, and if you feel there has been no improvement with your help,and that the child is suffering, then I'm afraid you need to call social services. It doesn't mean that they will take the child away, but they may be able to offer her the support and help she needs to care for her baby properly. Warning though, it is quite possible you will lose her friendship over this - but if you are concerned, the child ALWAYS comes first.

Good luck, and congrats on your pregnancy. The fact that you are so concerned about your friend's baby shows how aware you are of what good care is, and so I doubt very much you will be the same with your baby.

Answer 2

The biggest concern I'd say is someone smoking in the same room. This is the leading risk factor for SIDS. Dear goodness, I feel so bad for this poor baby... As far as her going out all the time, someone responsible is with the baby right? Is the house messy or dirty? Have to admit our apartment is usually a bit trashed looking since my daughter was born but it is all superficial mess, and it's actually quite clean. For the rash part, a clean washcloth with water and hypoallergenic soap should work out fine and it's cheaper than buying disposable wipes. Also the creams they make for treating rashes are not expensive at all.
How close are you to your mate? Can you nicely suggest 'improvements' to be made without coming across as judgemental or pushy? I couldnt just pass over something like this as that baby has no way to stand up for themself.

P.S. I see others saying call social services - but I see no signs of real neglect here with this child. Poor choices, sure, but not abuse nor neglect to the point where services should be called. And so much more so if you say she's a friend!! She wouldnt be after you called, that is for sure. Try another approach, such as talking to her about this and offering your help.

Answer 3

By all means, dont call welfare. That would make you the worst kind of woman. I have four kids, so i speak with a bit of experience. I had my first child at 17, and looking back, i was a shitty mother. Because i didnt have a clue, nor does your friend now, and frankly, nor do you. You cannot claim the baby has has a rash from cheap wipes. If they were even remotely suspected to cause rashes, no company would make or sell them. They wouldnt risk the liability. Secondly, my first three children all wore clothes at least a size or two below their actual age, if you get me. Sizes are big here here. And so what if her house is a mess. Mind your own business. When you have your child, then you can judge. It can be super-overwhelming having a baby, especially as your friend sounds like a single parent. I dont agree with smoking around a young baby, but again, thats here business. And finally, if she goes out alot, and doesnt leave the baby home alone, i dont see the harm. A six month old baby is actually easier to take care of than say a 5 year old, so if she carries on living her life a bit now, she'll be glad for it later. What kind of friend are you? I wouldnt be judging any of my friends like this? Youre not claiming the baby had gashes on its head or broken bones? All mothers cope differently. Maybe your friend has a bit of post-partum depression? The last thing she would need is to realize her so-called friend is sneering down her nose at her. Why dont you offer to help more, if you're so concerned. Youre supposed to be a friend not a frickin health visitor.

Answer 4

Many people live in different ways,and it isn`t against the law.
The rah could be due to other things and not cheap wipes,i have used them and all was fine.
House a mess/smoking is same room:-due to being brought up in a untidy home with smokers?
Goes out all the time:-due to the easy availability to get a sitter?
What you can do about it is to speak to the child's grand parents if possible,or if you think it is really bad,notify the social services to come and check it out for the child's sake.
You are pregnant and probably thinking i would never live like this.
But until you are a parent and have struggled to stay awake with a screaming baby and got up knackered and have to clean the mess that was left,but too busy with the baby or got the choice to go out and leave it till the next time,which never comes and it builds up until you need a bulldozer to correct it,you cant judge,only try and help.

i am a male single parent and have been mother and father to mine and others for many years,and totally understand how bogged down it can get.

Answer 5

Baby's are helpless little things.
They need nuturing and protection.
Who does she leave the baby with when she goes out?
Rash can be caused because the baby is not being changed often enough.
Does she have any family who you could talk with maybe they could help.
If not I would have a talk with her and if you see no positive changes then the authorities who take care of incidents such as this need to be brought in on it.
Child protection takes precedence over friend protection.
Sometimes you have to be "cruel to be kind",as the old saying goes.
Take care!

Answer 6

the baby's rash could be due to teething, but if you are worried about your friend and the way she spends little time with her child tell her, she might be feeling low with the baby or may not be bonding properly, it is hard when babies start teething. offer your help and support but tell her you would prefer her to stop doing these bad things around the child i.e smoking going out cheap wipes etc,etc good luck with your friend and good luck with your own pregnancy. all the best wishes

Answer 7

Instead Of giving her a lecture mention you noticed these things and show concern and ask if she needs any help or advice!
She might think you are having a go and take it the wrong way thats why I say show concern.Also Since you are expecting you can ask your midwife on tips how to aproach this carefully.
And congrats to you.
My best friend had her 2nd on Tuesday shes all over the place.

Answer 8

involving social services is a bit harsh at this stage I had a mate in a similar situation and it turned out she was actually suffering with post natal depression Approach her first and offer your support Tell her your concerns and talk to her family or her partner she may not be getting the support she needs Talk to your own midwife and see if she has any suggestions on how you could help

Answer 9

if you are genuinly worried then you could talk to your midwive see if she knows anyone to get in touch with etc or if you think it is more serious then maybe you should call social services. if she is neglecting to care for the child then something needs to be done, but you shouldnt be having to worry about the situation, you have enough to think about with your own pregnancy so try not to get too involved, but definately get some advice from a proffesional if you are concerned

Answer 10

if your really good mates i would mention your concerns but dont go over the top b/c it wont solve anyhting, maybe she just need a bit of help doing the right thing. congrat with the pregnancy at least you know what to do when your little one comes along