Can I start again at 54?

Question

I married for the first time at 16 because I was unhappy at home. This lasted 4 years and produced a son. At 23 I married again, this lasted 7 years and produced another son. Both the men I married were very weak and needed me to take charge of running the home. I married for the third time at 33 and this marriage has lasted 18 years and produced a daughter. My present husband is 13 years younger and comes from a different culture, is very strong but he left our home 2 months ago to be on his own because I found out he was cheating. He said he wanted to be free of responsibilities and felt tied down. I have always been independent but emotionally needy I admit. Two months later and he comes back to the house every weekend, is making plans for our future, treats me well, but I am afraid of the situation because I still think about our age difference and whether he has ulterior motives, like getting his hands on my savings. I am afraid of the future, am I destined to be alone?

Answer 1

Your current husband is going to keep cheating and coming back and apologizing. Kick his butt to the curb.

I have to ask a serious question though, why do you fear the future, what is wrong with being alone? You have to find happiness and validation within yourself, you can look to others to give you those things.

Answer 2

Well, maybe marriage isn't the best thing for you. I would be careful of your husbands motives since he did leave to get away from responsibility (my guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side). In today's World you ALWAYS need to be careful of your finances. Make sure if they come with nothing -- they leave with nothing! Plus, if you want to leave anything to anyone -- you have children and probably grandchildren.

Maybe you need to take time to dig deep within because (1) the future is coming no matter what you do or how you live it. That's energy being wasted on something you cannot control. Plus -- you know the saying "you can do bad all by yourself."

Some are destined to be alone, but maybe you didn't come here this time to experience and gain insight from "relationships" -- maybe your purpose has a different theme.

Maybe you will find a good friend/companion -- just not marry him. We came into the world alone and we will leave alone. Put your energy and love into something that will be positive (e.g. volunteer work, a child who needs guidance, etc.). Don't be easy prey for those who mean you no good.

Answer 3

Yes, at 54 you can start again. You do not need to have a cheater and another baby (your husband). A younger man might make you feel young, but he is still a cheating baby, getting what he wants. There will be a man your age that does not want to play games with your heart, and wants to treat you like an equal. Even so, otherwise just play the field and don't get trapped again.

Answer 4

Dear Angela, the question is: do you love him? Probably not. You estimate your own troubles higher than his ones. You are afraid of being alone. You need love, sex, care. You are afraid you are too old for him. Remember that you can never force anybody to love you. He may only stay with you if he is happy with you. Try to define the real problem: is it your savings? Is it his happiness? Is it your health? Try to fill your life with activities, so that you have no time to think about loneliness. Find more friends, try to live without your husband. Find out if he is looking forward to meet you. Try to become lovers again. and ...do not force things to happen, be patient and let your husband make his own faults...Oh, this would soon become a novel , so enough for now. Good luck.

Answer 5

There is basic problem with you:

You were not brought up properly by your
parents, who must be quarreling most
of the time, in front of you.
Your parents must have been divorced
in the past.
The sense of insecurity bites you after
some time.
You are not able to trust your partner
most of the time. Because of such bahavior,
the men in your life leave you and
desert. You are very much suspicious
by nature, which causes you so much
misery.

Please get hold of a councellor, who
will help you to be happy. Have patience
in the counsellors' advise and visit
him frequently, to get a better life for the
rest of life.

Answer 6

A pattern here keeps repeating itself. Do you think so? Are you doing everything you can to hold these men? O A Outdoor stuff etc. It sounds like you are overbearing and pushy with loads of issues, and my guess is you are carrying a few extra pounds...shape up lose the weight and the attitude and submit more to men..and there is still some faint hope or don't, and live the rest of your life alone xx your call

Answer 7

There is a difference in being alone and being smart. For me, I would not take him back. Enjoy being alone for a while, get to know yourself, analyze the men you have chosen, why you married them, and what you would do different this time. Be honest. I remarried at age 56, after being divorced from my second husband for 8 years. We are very happy, and I know that all of this worked well for me. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Yes , Yes you are destined to be alone. That is because every man you were ever with became or were someone you could dominate.
Apparently this guy although younger decided to find some who did not boss him around.
Push him away and stay single until you can find a way to be a partner instead of a boss.

Answer 9

You need to secure your home and your savings. do you have a Will with a TRUST provision? If the home you're living in is in your name----you need to Quit Claim Deed it to the name of your TRUST----put your childrens name on the deed to secure the home. Do the same for your savings----put your childrens names on your accounts as beneficiaries!

Why do you let this man ...come and go as he pleases on the weekends? ARE YOU NUTS....

I would suggest you get your ducks in a row...make changes in things-----and seek out legal advice----don't think life is over at 54....life is just beginning!

Answer 10

i would say he is back because the other woman kicked him out, and i beleive in my heart of hearts he will do it again,once he finds someone else. you sure can start over even at 54. make sure your savings are in your own name. my ex was cheating on me for 2 years, i had no idea, but he still stayed, because there was something to beat me out of, i had a property his son rented and wanted to purchase, he kept trying to get me to owner finance, i also had a car, his son needed one, he kept trying to get both off me, and something told me to wait. well guess the girlfriend got tired of waiting on him to leave so he did what she said. and left a 10 year marriage. but he did try and get my property to insure his son who could not have bought a home on his own a house. i divorced him, moved on, even though i was in my 50's. i still think of what could have happened, or worse still had i let him return to provide for his son at my expense.