If there is a psychologist in the house or anyone in my shoes, I would like to know what made me do what I did

Question

To those that asked why I did it in order to better answer me. I think I did it because I was really naive. I just gave my life to Christ about the time he came and I was ready to believe anything in the name of God. Even though I do not like him, I kept praying to God to give me his peace regarding him(my hubby). Along the line, I thougt I got some peace, yet each time I saw him, the thing that kept coming to my mind was the fact that he was not my type of person. In it all, I could not bring myself into telling him the battles going on in my mind regarding his proposal because I was afraid to hurt him & then everyone around me seemed to like him. when I did meet the guy I was attracted to, I thought it would be unfair of me to walk out of the other guy's life having put two years into developing the relationship with him and the fact that I made up my mind when I was growing up to marry the first person I dated. I just like sticking to my words, hence the reason I erroneously did it

Answer 1

Your question is unclear. However, it sounds like you are either considering cheating or you already have.

Cheating is not a mortal sin, and God won't strike you down for it. The God that I was taught about in school will be loving and forgiving, willing to let you repent of whatever it is you think you've done wrong. The only reason that hell exists, in my mind, is because of people that have not accepted God's love.

Enough with the religious talk. Let's get down to the social constructs you've suggested here.

You don't like your husband, that's what I've gotten out of this. And you've either been seeing or want to see another man, whom you do like. The situation is strictly about communication between these two people.

You need to discuss with your husband whatever it is that's going through your mind -- why you don't love him anymore, why your relationship isn't working, however you'd like to word it. You also need to talk with this "other man" and tell him the entire truth: you are married and are in a weak emotional state due to your marital issues. You need someone to talk to more than someone to sleep with. Do NOT, under any circumstances, accept him as the one and only person you speak with. As a male, I'm banking on the fact that he's probably interested in getting into the sack with you and will do whatever it takes to get you to the same point emotionally that he's at.

Speak with a trusted friend or mentor. You may consider speaking to your spiritual leader, but tell him or her that you do not want the conversation to be about judgment, and if it turns that course, you will find someone else to speak with. They can't excommunicate you for seeking help for something you may or may not have done. You can always go to another church or find another spiritual leader who is more open to discussion.

I cannot stress enough the COMMUNICATION aspect of this question. You have a difficult enough time coming out with what your problem is, so you need to practice writing it down, saying it to yourself in the mirror, or whatever it takes so that you can be more intelligible when you speak to a REAL PERSON (this is also important, don't listen to us bimbos at the Yahoo! message boards) about your problem.

There are also helplines that you can call and discuss your problems with a trained social worker. Call your local parish, synagogue, mosque, or social health clinic for more information on where you can go and who you can speak to confidentially.

Answer 2

A promise made is a debt unpaid as the saying goes. It's a good thing to stick to your words but it's unfair to stay with someone whom you do not love when they could have so much more in life. There is probably alot that you are unable to give him just for the fact that you are not in love with him. Sometimes I think people tend to give up on love and settle for things that would be good for them. Although we don't think of the long term effects on us and the people surrounding us. You would be better to discuss the situation with your husband now then wait ten years down the road.

Answer 3

Well you have yourself in two predicaments. 1) Yes you were naive when you told yourself you were going to marry the first guy you dated. We make mistakes and bad decsions in life, hence we learn from our mistakes. 2) You were simply attracted to another guy and got your panties in a notch. There are going to be other men you're attracted to, and that are going to make you laugh, but that's all on the surface. You can't date every guy you're attracted to.

When you do find your soul mate, you're still going to find attraction in other men, but that doesn't mean you jump on your impulses and dump the guy you're with (or simply sleep w/ them! men are dogs).

If you're unsure, don't rush into marriage. Tell him you need some time on your own, you don't want to rush into marriage - it's a life long commitment. As much as it hurts, tell him you need time apart, maybe you haven't found yourself yet. Once you find yourself, you'll know the type of man you want to spend your life with. You have to look out for number one, and that's you.

-- oh, you already got married. That changes things. You made a commitment, and i'm hoping and assuming you were in love when you got married. You just need to find that spark again. It's easier to find that spark in someone else, then to work with what you have. Did he possibly let himself go since you got married? And he doesn't have that same look when he looks at you? It's easy to give up on marriage then trying to make it work. Instead of reminding yourself you only married him because you told yourself you would marry the first man you dated.... tell yourself you ARE with the man of dreams. And think of how your differences between each other balance each other out. As superficial as this sounds... maybe if you both worked on your appearance a little more, joined a gym together, you will not only feel better about yourself, but you're putting back energy back into your relationship, just like you did when you met him.

A button falls off your shirt, you're not going to buy a new shirt are you?? All you need to do is sew the button back on.

If you did cheat on your husband, well, you're a weak, weak person, and you need to find your strength. If your husband can't make you strong again, then perhaps he really isn't the one after all.

Answer 4

there , feel better after the confession? you should of never went into it if you were not 100% sure you could dedicate your life to him. if you were praying , god sure gave you an odd answer. but do what is right for you and before you make another promise make sure you are right in your heart this time for YOU. not what others think or feel for the person you are with.

Answer 5

well i understand how you feel.how about praying to God tell him ur problem instead of hurting people around u. am sure God will make things work out well. dont leave him, are u sure of the other guy? i mean having peace with him? since u like sticking to ur word and u've made a promise to God pls my dear keep it. GOODLUCK

Answer 6

Ok a lot a babbling but you didn't say what you did. HELLO get a clue you want people to answer you have to provide us with the full sentence question...

Answer 7

You certainly write a lot for saying so little.

Remeber this; you are nothing now, and in 100 years you will be nothing still.

Answer 8

i think if u can stick to ur committment this is the best thing u can do.but u have to make up ur mind

Answer 9

maybe a misplaced sense of persistance??

Answer 10

you will have to undo it before it undo's you