The loss of a mother?

Question

My mother died of a heart attack in June. No time to say goodbye or say a final farewell. Please do you have any advise on how to get over such an event.

Answer 1

There is nothing to describe the pain you must be feeling. Sometimes in life there are no easy cures. All good things in life have a price. You are paying the price now for the love of your mother. Don't try to keep it in ..let your emotions out. In time the pain will go ..you will never forget but it will stop hurting.
Ps Life can be very cruel..G-d bless you ..I am sure your mother knows how you feel. :-)

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you, my mother was knocked down and killed tweleve years ago, at the age of 47. Sudden death, any death is hard to come to terms with.

I have often wondered would it have made it easier if we had known she was going to die, I dont think so.

You have to give yourself time, it hasnt been that long. I wont say that you get over it, in time, you learn to live with it.

You have lost the person, who looked after you, shaped you, made you who you are, protected you.

You do need to talk about it though, don't lock all the pain away, as this will cause problems later on, I know, I had to put my grief on hold for the rest of the family, and my dad, I was the eldest and had to sort everything. It was a big mistake, as all that bottled grief finds a way of coming out and mine did, four years later when I had a breakdown.

What I find helps, is having a photo that I loved of my mom, I keep that out and on Birthdays light a candle and put some flowers there, I also made a memory box up, special things went into it, and when I feel the need, I would go through the box, at first I cried alot, but now I smile and remember all the great things my mom was, and laugh at the silly things, its a great comfort. I would definetly recomend some counciling, there are specific associations that deal with this and you can do group or one to one therapy, it does help.

Above all be gentle on yourself, it takes time, and take the time you need, don't let others tell you that you should be over it, which I had alot of.

Here is a link for Cruse, they are nationwide if you are in Britain, I'm sure if you are not from Britain that you will be able to find somehting similar in your own country.

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

Answer 3

Poor you. Time will make the pain a bit less and allow you to start to remember happy days instead of this horrible period.
Someone once said to me that when his wife died he was doing something for her by being the one left so she didn't have to suffer losing him. I thought that was a nice sentiment.
There is an organisation called Cruse which can help.
It may sound trite but maybe it was a good way for your mum to go instead of long term suffering?
My friend at work lost her Dad suddenly , he was playing golf. Later on she lost her uncle too.
She's doing very well, still gets sad sometimes.
After all, you should be sad or else it might mean you didn't love your Mum and I know that's not true.
Do you have many 'photos of your Mum? Maybe you get get a nice album and put them all together?
Do you have friends or family to talk to?
It's good that you asked the question, it's all part of healing, just like a physical wound, I wish you all the best

Answer 4

I extend my heart felt comfort to you. I have been living with a similar experience for 5 years now. My mother was killed by a car. She was just 59 years old. I know the feeling of not being able to be there in her final moments to say goodbye. However, if this is any comfort to you, I am not sure the type of woman your mother was, but it sounds to me that you might have been pretty close with her. What I do is just remember the good and funny times. Think of how she would like to see you move on and be happy. You might be amazed at how you feel when you try this.

Answer 5

what an awful thing to happen not only the heart attack but not being able to say goodbye ,the only consolation I can give is it would have been over very quickly,I have had a heart attack and luckily survived it,
My husband lost his father the same way and I received the telephone call,I had to wake my husband and tell him his father had died ,I also lost my father without being there with him,it is so hard,I have said this before on ask,just try and remember the good times you had with mum ,talk to her now as I do my father when I am feeling down,I`m sure he can hear me,time will heal and you will feel better about this soon,plant her a little rose bush or tree in the garden,good luck for the future,

Answer 6

Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a loved one. My dad died suddenly, my mum was in hospital. Both losses where heartbreaking. The hardest thing for me then (and now) is when something happens I thing to myself "I must tell my mum that". Keep looking at your photos, Make a memory box, write things down, talk to family and friends about her. Don;t be afraid to cry. Cruise is an organisation for bereaved people and the Samaritans will listen to you if you feel on your own. I'm sure that your mum is watching over you. Sending you a big hug(((())))

Answer 7

My mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago and everyday that passes I miss her and wish she what still with me. You might not have had time to say goodbye but don't let that upset you your mom knew how you felt and she knows you love her and that is what is important. You can say goodbye anytime you want and she will know it. I have never said goodbye to my mom even when I had the chance to do it, I prayed for my mom on her death bed and asked Jesus to accept her into Heaven but did not say goodbye because I believe she is with me everyday and if I need advise or just a chat I will chat to my mom and you know what I will always find a solution to my problem. My prayers are with you and if you want to chat to someone you can always e-mail me. God Bless.

Answer 8

My mother died 25 yrs ago she was aged 48. i have never got over it, just got used to not seeing her, but i know she is with me, especially now as my Dad has cancer and is in hospital i am not expecting him to be with me much longer, then he will be joining my Mother. I am an only child, and alone he is all the family i have, letting go is very hard. It will just become a way of life. I am so sorry for you, i will send love and healing to you.

Answer 9

Firstly I am so very sorry for your loss in such traumatic circumstances....it is still very early days for you in the grieving process...you need time to adjust to life without your mom now, cry if you want to, get mad if you need to. the hardest part of losing your parent is the realisation that they are not going to be there forever, I thought my dad would always be with me, and yes, I know he will always be in my heart but it is never the same...the worse part of all this is that sadly we have to accept that life goes on without them, it has to, its just different....I do hope that you have family around you to support and love you...counselling is good, its helpful to talk to a 'neutral' person sometimes. take care xxx

Answer 10

I lost my mum the same way. She was playing bingo and having a sing song at her local club. Twelve hours later, she was dead. Lovely for her, devastating for us.

22 years later, I still think of her every day. I still miss her.

I feel for you and although its not much help, it does get better. We go through different periods of mourning. Just try to focus on the happy times and the lovely things she did for you. The old cliche 'Time is a healer of all things' really is true.

My thoughts are with you.