I am considering ending my relationship with my boyf of 4 years. He tends to binge drink at times and change personality from being kind to a real hurtful bastard who tells me to **** off in public and has pushed me around and threatened my family when very drunk. All is different when sober, but I hate it. The trouble is he wont leave that easily. We dont live together but he cries when I try to end it and insinuates that he may kill himself. This is driving me to be ill. What is your advice?? I am in my twenties and so is he.
2006-10-15 21:26:42 · 23 answers · asked by Abigail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
There is no advice only suggestions. There is no life with an abusive drunk. Public drunkenness? Bothering your family? Call the police. If he gets violent you have him arrested. If he threatens to do harm to himself again you have him arrested (mental hygiene). Stop fooling around with him. You say it's making you sick? Then stop taking this abuse from him. He's out of control and needs to be dealt with accordingly. You can either continue to put up with his foul behavior or do something about it. If you don't do something he will drag you further down and suck every bit of life out of you and anyone who comes in contact with him. If you care about him then it's time for tough love! Cause he ain't going to do anything to help himself. It's your call the sooner the better. I know this because I've been there.
2006-10-15 22:41:05 · answer #1 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
End the relationship. First, you don't need this kind of grief. Even if he never carries through on any of his stupid drunken threats I can tell you (from personal experience) that his personality will not improve any. Alcoholism has many behaviors that go along with it and controlling you with anger, arguments (started for no apparent reason), and manipulation are a few that will drive you crazy because you won't be able to figure out what's going on. The whole purpose is to keep you off balance and on the defensive.
Did you notice the word "manipulation"? That's because this is exactly what he's doing to you now. Manipulating you so you'll feel guilty and responsible so you won't leave him. Don't buy into his scam. Many alcoholics have only confronted their problem and gone into treatment when they saw the reality of the fact that they would lose everyone they cared about if they didn't. What have you got to lose? An abusive drunk? Don't settle for this life when you could have one that involves someone who treats you well and respects you...not to mention that he might respect himself.
Secondly, if you marry him there will probably come a day when you are by his bedside holding his hand while he dies of liver failure or some other alcohol related disease. Everyone dies but do you really want to witness such a pointless and stupid end to your marriage?
I'm sorry to tell you this, but he will commit suicide whether you marry him or not. The point is do you want to have wasted 30 or 40 years of your life waiting for him to do it?
His only chance is for you TO leave him. It is the only thing that may wake him up and cause him to join AA or get treatment somewhere. If he doesn't then I can guarantee that you will not be responsible for whatever he chooses to do with his life.
2006-10-15 21:51:30 · answer #2 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be made responsible for his entire happiness. He has to have some input there as well and it seems like there is something that's making him a pretty angry dude. If you really love him, you should give him a second chance but only if he is willing to make the effort to change. That doesn't mean apologizing and doing it again. It means, getting some help for his drinking. He has to stop the drinking or it will continue. If you are not able to deal with him being the way he is, then he has to change that and him being a really nice guy some of the time doesn't cut it. He has to be a good guy all of the time or at least make the effort to do so. It's not fair on you otherwise. Don't go giving him a third and fourth chance. You can't be responsible for him taking his life and threats to do so are abusive to you. You simply can't put up with being treated like that.
2006-10-15 21:43:04 · answer #3 · answered by punkvixen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him.
Get a real man that will respect you.
Obviously this person sounds like an immature little boy.
He will not change if you stay.
If you stay it may become worst (eg. assualt or evern worst...).
Life is meant to be enjoyed.
Move on & find someone else that will make you happy.
All the best.
2006-10-15 21:33:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's well on the way to being an alcoholic and you're not. I suggest you get out of this fatal relationship fast because his ship is sinking and he'll drown you with him. Leave him. If he wants to kill himself...ask him to give up drinking instead of killing himself...not willing to? then give him up completely.
2006-10-15 21:28:35 · answer #5 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has serious issues with alcohol that he needs to deal with. If he's being abusive to you in anyway you need to get out NOW! No one should have to put up with that from anyone. Sober tho he sounds like a good guy so maybe if he sorts himself out you could try again....Good luck
2006-10-15 21:32:44 · answer #6 · answered by cheekimadam 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to join AA or else your are done with him. If you arent part of the solution you are part of the problem. Girl you gotta put your foot down NOW. Do you wanna live like this for the rest of your life? His crying seems to be manipulation. YOU arent responsible if he takes his own life because he doesnt seem to be mental stable. Have you talked to his parents about this?
2006-10-15 21:31:24 · answer #7 · answered by Mystie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him now...u let this go on ull end up very unhappy and very ill....i had the same problem but i married mine...ive more or less spent the last 5 years in hospital getting ops...if he is unhappy about the split he is no longer ur problem and if he kills himself..thats his problem the issue is already there..hes using u as an excuse...live your LIFE
2006-10-15 21:30:32 · answer #8 · answered by tinkerbell 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him kill himself.
It would be better than the living hell you will have to endure for the rest of your life. Why, he might even KILL you one night. He would push you down, your head hit something sharp and poof, you are DEAD.
Get rid of him.....or have him go into treatment and AA
2006-10-15 21:29:28 · answer #9 · answered by Trollhair 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him immediately, and take no notice of his suicide threats. My ex threatened suicide when I left him but he didn't do it. People very rarely do it, they just say it to manipulate you. He's abusive and he's got serious emoitonal issues. Life's too short to be living in fear and unhappiness. You owe him nothing - it's up to him to sort his life out. You need to move on with yours and be happy.
2006-10-15 21:59:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋