Suggestions on coping with a gay husband.?

Question

After 9 years of complete devotion, my husband is leaving me because he now says he is gay. Of course I am devistated on many levals. Anyone who can give me sugested resorces for woman is this situation I would be so greatfull. I have gone though and I am still going through so many emotions and I feel so alone! Thanks for amy help you can give.

Thanks with all my heart for the kind and caring awnsers I got. Just to clairify, no we don't have kids thank God, yes I already made peace with the fact this means we are over, I know he didnt ask for this and its not his fault he is gay and yes it is his right alone to decide who to tell. I don't hate him for being gay but I am still verry hurt. He took his furstration out on me for so many years and I just was patient and understanding and loving and didn't expect much from him and now I'm faced with the reality of what all of that earned. An extra special thanks to thoes how said its ok to go through the emotions and thoes who gave such great advice on where to go to seek saport. I am verry happy that I feel like I did the best I could and never gave up and I am looking forward to live my life for me again. Again your words of encouragement were beautiful and touching and much needed :) take care and God bless

Answer 1

Although it may not seem like it, you are better off knowing. Many of those men (and I use the term loosely), stay on the downlow, and never tell the wife. They lie and say they are not gay, but they are. These are the same ones that bring diseases like HIV and AIDS to their innocent , unsuspecting wives. Hon, he just saved you from a death sentence. You are now free to move on and find someone who is not living a lie, and using you to do so. They ARE out there, but if you keep your head down, like YOU did something wrong, you will not notice them. I suggest you get yourself a complete makeover, and improve your self esteem so that the good ones can come to you. You do deserve it. Keep telling yourself that. This was NOT your fault. Be thankful. You are actually one of the lucky ones. 9 years is not your whole life.
You still have a lot of living to do. Don't let his mistakes ruin the rest of your life. Remember, hold your head up, shoulders back, and move onward. Don't look back.

Answer 2

Get outside help, preferably professional. Divorces are hard enough in a "normal" setting, your has added layers that will make it even harder for you to work through. You will need to learn in your heart that there is nothing that you could have done different, there is nothing wrong with you, you were not a failure as a wife, you didn't do anything wrong, etc... He just evidently didn't know who he was inside when you two got married. While it hurts now, it's better that he's figured out his real self before any more time went by. All that would do is make it harder on you both, and it would have been dishonest to your both.

In addition to your family and friends, look for other ways to find support in your life. Whether it's a clergy member, counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or a group setting, you would probably find better ways to deal with your hurt and feelings with others to guide you. There are other women who have gone through this before, and a trained professional who has worked with them can help you too. And if you find a group, then sharing stories and talking to women who have been in similar situations can be empowering for you. It's up to you to take the first step, and try to be positive in your life.

And, if you two had children, you have to work with him, not against him. He's still their father no matter his sexual preference, and you want him to be in your children's lives. And if they don't know yet; remember that it's not your place to tell them about their father's orientation. When he's ready, it's his job to break it to them. You may find yourself in the role of the "bad guy" to them, but you should stay strong and not give into the temptation of giving away his secret (if it is one.) This also applies to any friends, family, and co-workers. This is not your secret to tell; it will only hurt you in the long run if you blab to the world that he's gay.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

You need support on so many levels right now - emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Allow yourself to go through the emotions don't try to suppress them or keep them bottled up - it's God's healing process. Of course you are lonely - the man you devoted yourself to for 9 long years has betrayed your trust! Find a good loving church. Get involved. You will be pleasantly surprised at how much support you can get from the people there. The biggest comfort I ever got in a troubling situation was prayer. Pray and ask God to comfort you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

God bless you!

Answer 4

first of all i have not been through this but have been around long enough to know that he has been living in the closet. and you can't run competion with another man! i can suggest giving him what he likes , that the man gives to him. but i don't think it will work. he has probley always been bi_curious and never acted upon it. now that he has admitted it , you just have to walk away until he decides what he really wants in life. this is not a reflection on you , it is just something he has to do for himself. when he decides , you may not be there waiting for him like the devoted lil' wife he thinks will be there. i say , move on honey and live your life, find happiness you deserve.

Answer 5

HELLO
I think my X might be gay, not sure if he ever acted on it.
But, my poor kids were teased that their dad was gay.
I heard rumors before we married and he vowed he wasn't. Infact he was very inexperienced.

All I know is that he never really enjoyed the female body like a man should. I feel I wasted close to 30 years of my life with him.
Although I am soooooo glad I divorced before I was too old to enjoy myself.

The sad thing is that he will never will admit it.
But anyone who sees him thinks it is obvious.
I feel big time betrayed and also like a fool. I feel that I was his cover up. I made him look good.

I am glad you know it now before to omany years in to your life.
And good that you don't have children. My youngest son especially suffered with the thougth that his dad was gay. He got in to drugs and drinking because of all the family issues.

I want you to remember one thing......this was NOT your fault.
He has an issue he has to deal with. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't fix it. All you can do is make the rest of your life the best that it can be. I know I have trust issues with men, but I am working on those.

Take good care of you!

Answer 6

get out and meet new people make some friends go and exercise find yourself some distractions instead of sitting around and being depressed and dwelling on things that you cannot change, get up get out and keep yourself busy,go and answer other peoples questions on here that seem to have problems of theirs that maybe you can help with a suggestion or an answer for, sometime listening to other peoples problems can distract you from thinking of your own, go and hang out with your friends, and if worse comes to worse go see a doctor for depression, if you want to talk feel free to IM me or e-mail me

Answer 7

u just need to make a strong network of friends and go out all the time and just take your mind off of him and find another guy and move on.... its gonna be hard at first but it is a decision of his that u should respect and there is nothing u can do about it anyways

Answer 8

Just get out of there. Move out of the house. Don't dwindle on the hows, ifs or whys. Just leave.
Ur husband makes me sick.

Answer 9

Find him a boyfriend and get on with your life!!!!

Answer 10

see what happens when woman try making men emotional and super loving...Give us our beer and let us do what we want, well not cheating but we should act like men!