I'm a first generation American. I went to an ivy league school and I am now in law school. When it comes to education or work I have no problem. However, outside of work and school I have no identity. Because I have no identity, it is tough to relate to people. I've date tons of girls in the past but I have never met their parents, although some have met mine. I feel like I'm a total exception that no one will accept. I don't think I will ever meet a girl who I can connect with beyond sex. Can you relate? Maybe I just need to sack up and quit whining, but I may be wrong...so what do you think? Actually the only place where I ever felt I belonged was in Europe
2006-10-15 17:47:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i totally get what you mean, i dont think anyone in my life has ever understood me, beyond sex, i dont think anyone has ever been able to get inside my head. Im not sure why, i think its all because there is truly only one person out there for us who will love us and get us and accept us for us. I havnt found him , nor anyone who even can be him. No one understands my high level of respect and morals towards life and people. I totally understand and you sound alot like me, so all i can say is, that you will find them, just believe in it, she is out there. Well , im still praying mine is, because my husband sure isnt cutting anything. ♥
2006-10-15 17:59:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You describe yourself as a first generation American who goes to an ivy league school. Sounds like you have too much time to sit around and imagine you have no identity! You have no problem telling us who you are! Why do feel like you are an exception that no one will accept? Since you are a first generation American, are you more in tune with where your parents came from than you are in America? Need more info! Let me tell you something, girls are girls anywhere you go. The only thing that is different is the language. If you cannot connect with one here, you will not be able to connect anywhere else either. You will have to find that out on your own. If you are happier in Europe....go!
2006-10-16 01:15:24 · answer #2 · answered by Marie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you say you have no identity outside of work and school, perhaps you need to find a hobby or join a club or something to occupy your time where you will meet other people who enjoy the things you do (sports, dancing, bowling, golf, painting, theater, etc). You also say that you never meet your girlfriend's parents......why is that? I know that some guys consider certain girls to be the kind you bring home to mom and other girls are for partying and fun and not to be introduced to the parents. Perhaps you need to figure out what it is about you that they want to keep you separated from their parents. Do you only date girls of another race or religion? If you really want to connect with a woman (note I said woman and not girl) then find one that you can be friends with first and then perhaps move on to something more. And don't rush into a relationship. Give it time to grow and learn to respect and love each other for who you each are. If necessary, move back to Europe where you feel more comfortable. Some of us just belong in certain areas and are not comfortable in other places. I am a lifelong Texan and I know I could never live anywhere else for the long term simply because I don't belong anywhere else. Be proud of who you are and find someone who is like-minded and you will eventually find what you are looking for. I wish you well.
2006-10-16 01:08:57 · answer #3 · answered by Kate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some girls, you would be the "nice guy" that is too nice. I know it sounds weird, but I experienced this once and I couldn't even kiss the guy because there was no passion.
Maybe you need to find new places to meet women. If you are meeting in bars now...you will probably only get one night stands.
It may be nothing that you are doing wrong. It's just that the women that you are meeting are not looking for commitment.
There is someone out there for everyone. Don't give up! Maybe you will meet a nice woman in court.
2006-10-16 00:57:20 · answer #4 · answered by Emilia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sympathetic, but I can relate. You do have an identity, you...just don't know what it is yet. Chill out relax and give it some time. It seems to me that you're overthinking things, and when you overthink, you worry. So you might wanna stop doing that, and live your life for now. Or, like other people have said, go back to europe every now and then.
And why...would you want anything besides sex, i'll never know...
2006-10-16 01:01:53 · answer #5 · answered by mutant_enemy_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ego mind believes that our salvation does not lie in loving everybody, but rather we start to believe that there is this perfect person which causes us to leave out the rest of mankind and to that extent you will be in hell no matter what they do if you wait long enough. The ego says if I had this one special love I would not be miserable. On top of this, you have all this cultural stimulus that says “yes” romance is your salvation. The only way you can fill this void is not by making a connection with one special person, but rather healing your separation with God. Anytime you use something for your own purposes it will hurt you. In the spiritual space of an intimate connection, we have the power to heal and be healed.
2006-10-16 00:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should try leaving sex out of the equation. go abstinant for a while, deprive yourself of sex, sot hat your main focus is on establishing a more personal relationship and you don't have to worry about sex or how good in bed you or they are. if that doesn't work, maybe you should move back to europe and you may be happier there.
get involved with organizations outside of work too...that may help you establish a more firm identity.
2006-10-16 00:50:04 · answer #7 · answered by mighty_power7 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first, leave sex out of the equation.
Second, do you really like it here? Are you trying to meet for more than sex?
How long have you been here? If you'd like to chat, feel free to hit me up, not really sure how to explain what I want to say in this box that I'm typing in.
2006-10-16 01:03:39 · answer #8 · answered by joulesofaffection 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should move to Europe then. I don't why people get so stuck on "finding themselves" or "who they are" or "what my purpose in life"... You know the whats the purpose in life? Its simple answer, the purpose to life is to live. And love is complicated, stop trying so hard, that one girl will come along. Love you just the way your are, love life, live life! We never know what tomorrow will bring
2006-10-16 00:52:50 · answer #9 · answered by Diamond D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then move to Europe. And everybody whines so don't feel bad.
2006-10-16 00:49:23 · answer #10 · answered by ~carmie~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋