Will my kids who are 12 and 14 hate me because they live with their dad?

Question

When I made the choice for them to stay with the father it was because he had the stability for them. I had been a homemaker and had never worked up until that time. Then I found a job which put me strictly working nights. My work schedule would have ruined their lives. They were 2 and 4 when I made that decision. He allowed our children to call someone else mom within six months after our seperation.

Answer 1

For once I am glad to hear about a mother looking after the will being of her children instead of keeping them away from the father just because she is pissed off at him. I have the utmost respect for you. Good for you.
Now, does this make you a bad mother, NO this makes you a VERY GOOD MOTHER. You have to do what you have to do to survive.
As far as him letting them call another woman mother, I personally don't like it. To me there is only one mother and one father, but only if the biological parents keep in contact with there children. If they don't, then the children need to call someone their mother or father.

Answer 2

I can only say kids blame themselves when these things happen. They probably think they did something bad when they were little and that you did not want them. Do they visit you? Do you keep up a relationship with them and make all their holidays and birthdays happy events? I would have fought like a tiger to keep my children with me. I would have kept hunting a day job, keeping the night job temporary. Just being truthful. Are you on night shift now?

Answer 3

You say your ex "allowed" your sons to call someone else mom...I wonder where were you? Yes I know you were working nights but that doesn't mean you had no contact with your children unless you CHOSE not to have any contact with them and that YOU allowed them to call someone else mom. Why didn't you correct your husband in that matter at the time? Why wait for 10 years to bring it up?

Answer 4

This happened to me. But he didn't remarry or date. They felt sorry for him when I moved on with someone else. My l8 and 20 yr. old live in another state now. My ex moved my l2 yr. old to another state 1000 miles away from out hometown. So the judge wanted me to move too. I did. I lost my job and have no friends/family again. Starting over.
Do my kids love me? Yes, I know they do. Have I damaged our relationship for now? Yes, I believe they don't trust me or are afraid to again. They are afraid I will leave and not come back again. But they love me. My kids understood their Dad was not easy to live with......we never got along.....but they resented me finding another man. Long story. Hopefully, in the years to come we can make up for lost time and resentment and bitterness and abandonment issues. It has been tuff. But you hang in there and call them every day or send them a card in the mail.

Answer 5

you waited.10. years to see your children in my opion seem,s like the father was both mother as well as dad in my opion you said your.ex. that means you walked out on them over a job at night most women would find day jobs and not wait.10. years to ask this in my opion??

Answer 6

Clearly their dad is a narcissistic ghoul who is not interested in their welfare. What kind of jerk would do that? Unless you're a lousy mom. You should speak to a lawyer. Soon.

Answer 7

I don't think that they will but they might have some resistance against you for it if they did not want to stay with their dad and they wanted to stay with you.

Answer 8

If you're not close enough, no they won't.
Anyway, they wouldn't know who are you!!!

Answer 9

NOPE DONT THINK SO