What should I do about this situation? Very serious please.?

Question

Background first: I am currently in a custody battle with my exwife. She so far has not paid me any child support (yes I have custody). I have been activily pursing the child support issue on court. Now she is fighting for full custody. I have been thinking of moving back home (which is out of state) and am going forward with that. The move is not out of anger or anything. I have been thinking about this 2 years ago when we were still married. We have court next week for all of this.
Ok now onto the question: Our 3 daughters just spent this week with their Mom because of Fall Break. Well, I picked them up from their Mothers house on Saturday. Almost as soon as I pull out of the driveway and head down the road...my oldest told me that her Mom asked her if I touch her cooter. I was shocked to her this but not really surprised that her Mom would do this. Either way I asked her what did she tell her mom. She said that No I leave her cooter alone.

Should I ask my ex about this?

I have a lawyer. So that is covered. The reason I ask the question is because she would probably just deny saying it anyways. My lawyer says I have a very good chance of getting to move out of state. My family is there, it is a job transfer making more money, and I am stable. The mother has been evicted out of 5 residences since our divorce 1.5 years ago. Will not hold a job. She is currently being evicted out of her home now. In which the ownier plans on serving her in court. As long as I keep my little ones I will be happy. The moving thing is a nice bonus if I get it.

Answer 1

I think since you are battling with her, you should leave the fighting to your lawyers. Tell your lawyer, and see what he or she wants to do about it. You will only be confronting your ex because you are mad. Spend you energy on your kids, and don't worry about the ex. She is obviously very selfish adn immature if she would put your daughter in that awkward situation!

Answer 2

I wouldn't bother she is spoiling for a fight and you need to take the high road and only 'talk' in court now at this point.

The fact she is searching for reasons to make you out to be the bad guy and now directly involving the children states to everyone very clearly why YOU have custody of these kids.

I'm sorry you have a messy divorce and ex on your hands but in this case don't talk directly or confront her anywhere except court. Notify your lawyer about your daughter's statment and have her interviewed by the court on record without any further discussion from you except that she needs to be honest and tell them what her mother said so the judge knows and can keep mom from making her uncomfortable or embarassed anymore.

Sounds like so far you have taken the high road and tried being civil- the kids were at her place for a week which shows you put them first and aren't spiteful like her. However do protect them from being exposed to crude or graphic topics which could cause emotional harm such as mom delving for nasty sexual details she can twist into child abuse. That will just harm the kids- if nothing ever came up before as a possible inappropriate interaction it would be wrong to start the children thinking in those lines of thought and allowing the mother to plant possible scary thoughts with them that will just cause them to fear both of you later on.

Good luck and I hope this woman straighten's her act up and starts acting like the mother she should be in thier lives even if from a distance.

Answer 3

I've taken some legal classes and am going to school to be a legal assistant. Honestly this is very common especially when the dad has custody. The mom will attempt to make the father seem as though he is unfit. Before you speak with your ex about this I would suggest that you first speak with your lawyer. He is the one that would do the questioning, its good that your daughter answered the way she did because this shows that your wife is being interrogitive with her children. I would suggest you speak with your eldest child if she is of age of course about sex and the issue with her mom. Whatever the reason you are and have full custody of your children which means your ex isn't doing somthing right. Like I said I think you need to speak with your lawyer she can't use this against you in court because your daughter denied the alligations! GOOD LUCK and God Bless

Answer 4

No you should NOT ask the ex. She will deny it and become defensive.She is trying to start a sexual abuse charge against you! She is beginning what is called PAS. Parent alienation syndrome where she is trying to get the daughters to suspect you- turn against you.This is very serious.
Buy a spiral notebook. Document every concern and everything your daughters tell you. You may need this in court.That is why a notebook is important. Be sure to have dates and brief summary of the event and or conversations. If you have verbal correspondence with the woman, document that. It is best for it to be handwritten- summit to the court. Here are some sites for FATHERS. Read and educate yourself. Custody is not about justice, it is about which party is the most prepared. See to it that's you and not her.
Many family court lawyers will give you a 30 minute free consult. I would ask them if taking your daughters to a counselor or therapist would help your case or not.

Your best bet for custody is to move as close to your girls as you can. They need you!

Read the laws, know your rights and protect your children.
Look for Father's rights orgs in your area.

Answer 5

I'm not sure what you mean. What I am getting from you is that, your ex wife is putting thoughts into your daughters, heads, sexual thoughts of you touching them, and this isn't true. Is that right?

Well, I think you should definitely approach your wife, if this is what is going on. This is really serious, and not to mention, detrimental to your children's wellbeing. If I were you, I would try to calmly sit down with your ex and mention what your girls have said. If she admits to it, I think you should tell her that acting in this way is not only detrimental to you, but most importantly, very unhealthy for your girls. If she denies it, or gets angry, and you suspect she is putting these thoughts into your kids heads, I would contact the police, or your lawyer, or social worker. I think it's important you get it written down (by someone in the law) that this has happened. That way, if something happens in the future, you have written proof.

Maybe you should think about getting your kids some counselling too. If your ex is putting all these things in your daughters' heads, it can't be healthy, and they might need someone to talk to.

That's the best I can come up with. Good luck!

Answer 6

Yes you should confront her and also start hiring a lawyer as well. That is a shame that a Mother would go that far to ask her child that question just for spite. As far as moving out of town I am afraid you are going to have to fight that as well usually they want you to stay in the town where the mother is living. She could get in really bad trouble for making up accusations that really never happened.

Answer 7

Sounds like your ex is desperate and doesn't care about your daughter's mental health. Maybe you should back down on the child support and get away from this woman. She doesn't care about the kids, if she's willing to put them through that crap. My wife's ex never paid his child support and we never went after him. We haven;'t seen the guy in 15 years and that has been a blessing. Maybe if you drop your child support issue, she'll leave you alone, too.

Answer 8

She is vicious, tell your lawyer what she asked your daughter and get his advice, you see where she is going with this- she is going to accuse you of sexually abusing your daughter, and even though it is Not True, something like this can cause your children to be taken from you until it is prov en untrue. I would not talk to her about this, unless, you can secretly record her. I would not care if the recording without her knowing is may not be legal in your State. Get to your lawyer asap , before she goes to someone. I just hate to hear of someone as ruthless as she is. As soon as you have legal permission , leave the State she is in.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like she's trying to start something, and what makes matters worse, she's involving your children in trying to discredit you. That is just not right!

Inform your lawyer and hers about what your daughter said, and let them handle it. Whatever you do, DO NOT INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN!! This is not their fight. Let your children know that you and their mother are not on good terms, but that you both still love them. If their mother continues to say things about you that are not nice, they should tell her they do not want to hear it. You, on the other hand, continue to say positive things to them about their mother.

I'd write a letter to your ex, delivered by her lawyer, informing her that she's being put on notice about what was said, and that it will bite her in the butt if she pursues this. Good luck.

Answer 10

Let your lawyers handle the sticky stuff and you just take care of your girls to the best of your ability. Don't say anything negative about their mother to them, just let her dig her own hole. The truth will come out eventually, and you staying on the high road will help the judge see through her charade,a nd make the right decision. Good luck and stay strong and focused on who's important.