Been married for nearly 12 years. We have two kids (ages 3 and 6) and I'm quite happy with things as they are. I have no desire to have more kids but hubby keeps hinting that we need to have our "oops" third baby. Not kosher with me. I've brought up the idea of him getting the big V, but he tells me "what if something happens to you and I want to have more kids?" Nice, huh? I was on the Pill for 5 years and really don't want to go back on it because of the risks (I'll be 36 in December). Hubby also refuses to wear condoms. The result of this conflict......we have sex maybe once a month and I never inititate because I don't want to get pregnant. I've told him my concerns quite a few times, but he's not taking me seriously. I'm considering getting my tubes blocked but why should I having major surgery when he can have an easy procedure on Friday morning and be back to work on Monday????
2006-10-15 16:10:17 · 16 answers · asked by chnchita 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The meat of this issue is this: he wants a 3rd child and you refuse to do so.
The rest of it is just detail.
Until the two of you get that issue resolved, there is going to be a constant battle. You need to seriously consider this request he has made. He is your husband. He needs to think about what he is asking you to do.
Childbearing and Vasectomy and Tubal Ligation all are very major things... and should not be done in a marriage unless the partners have agreed, even if somebody has to give in and/or compromise.
Talk to each other a lot, and listen to each other even more than that. That's the only way this is going to get resolved.
I♥♫→mia☼☺†
2006-10-15 16:14:35 · answer #1 · answered by mia2kl2002 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see how you feel. 12 years is a long time to be married together, but I have an idea. Get the ring. If you dont want that little feel of it though, get the shot. I have the ring, I am a virgin but, I dont get the side affects, and it works great, I dont even feel it at all. Now with him not wearing a condom its normal for guys, because he thinks since you are married he doesn't have to. Now you could get the surgery done without him knowing but that wouldnt' be good, because marriage needs that bonding, and he doesn't want to get it done, because some guys feel once they do, they practically lose there manly hood. Id say get the shot or ring, then get a babysitter away from the house one night, go get a sexy outfit (and some blow pops, id recomment a nurse outfit a white one, tight no bra, no panties)one he would never of thinking that u would wear. Do the natural make-up look. But do this while he is watching tv. okay? then come up behind him, shut the tv off by the remote so he will look behind the couch, to see what happened, to see you in the sexiest outfit ever, looking all sexy in your tight outfit, sucking on your blow pop like it was his u know what, he will probably gowk at how u are turning him on, then eventually it will lead to maybe the best sex u guys might have had (idk lol), then he will feel all better, because think about it, he couldnt do it if you are pregaunt ya know. it would be very uncomfortable. also he'd have to go through the whole baby diaper nastys stuff like that all over again, and you might lose your shape, get wrinkles ya know, all this is for him, and you. YOu dont want wrinkles, and he wants a sexy hott sex night lol, if you think about it.
2006-10-15 16:17:29 · answer #2 · answered by aim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I aggree with you. Sounds like he's not ready to give up on another child. Maybe you should talk it out some more, seek some counsling? Don't let this be the end of your sex life, or your marriage. There's always other kinds of birthcontrol- spermicaidal foams and disolving gels.... but have the conversation don't attack, and maybe get another person's perspective (By the way I hear vascotmy surgery is not bad, both my dad and uncle have had them done and (it is reversable) they said they hardly noticed any pain the same day or next day.) If you're really sure you want to have no more kids and no oops babies talk to your doctor about tubial ligation surgery, it's the safest way to prevent another baby. By the way, how old are you, and how sure are you? It's a major decision that could truly affect your marrage and your life. Think it through and good luck!
2006-10-15 16:17:17 · answer #3 · answered by parodyqueen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main thing is that you and your husband need to discuss about your family size and whether you two wish to have another child.
In terms of birth control, unfortunately whether single or married it seems to be the burden of the woman to provide contraception (I like to add I am a responsible male!). If your husband does not want a vasectomy and will not wear a condom, have you considered other forms of birth control (Depo Shot, patch, IUD, female condom)?
Have a deep talk with the hubby, maybe he feels that if he is not able to have more children, then he would feel old. Good Luck.
2006-10-15 16:20:26 · answer #4 · answered by LewAR26502 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could always use a diaphram until you guys are ready to make the big D. Some say they don't like 'em, but I think that it is great. You are in the mood, well slip it in up to six hours before hand and there ya go. My hubby says that he can't tell any difference and neither can I. Just make sure you get an exact fit and that you are comfy putting it in before you leave your gyno's office. Hope that helps!
2006-10-15 16:14:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the Big V,they say in 60-70% it can be reversed it was nothing much little bit of discomfort but a lot less riskfor a man,its been great no need for those dreaded condoms or pills,so it was the best choice for us we have 2 children and thats enuf for us.
2006-10-15 16:15:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand where you are comming from because i am on the pill and have been for four years now but i also think that ur man may be being a lil selfish and i would be pissed at the comment if anything happened to you you two need to talk to each other about this because it is a lot harder for a woman to get her tubes blocked than a man to get the procedure but yall just need to talk about it because there are issues underlying in each of your issues
2006-10-15 16:15:50 · answer #7 · answered by hi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest gettin an IUD, they can last up to 10 years, and you don't have to worry bout um, you go into the doc, he puts it in and you go home. They are supposed to be REALLY effective. If something does change, you can have it removed no problem, and be just as fertile. This would keep you both from havin to have a procedure done, and leave you witha few options! good luck!
2006-10-15 16:44:16 · answer #8 · answered by ASH 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough decision. have you guys really sat down and talked about it? He really needs to understand your feelings and respect that. Communication is the key and that might mean to sit down and lay it all out for a couple of hours. You guys have been married so long, that there has to have been compromise before. Only thing I can think of to resolve this is to have a nice wholesome conversation with him. bring up the pros and cons, the reasons and information about everything and maybe he'll see things differently.
2006-10-15 16:14:56 · answer #9 · answered by ConfusedK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and husband need to have a really serious talk about this...and if its a what if something happens question, then you may have to go under the knofe yourself. most men are very scared to get the big V, but they wont come right out and say it. explain that this is an important issue for you, and that it needs to be resolved sooner than later. good luck
2006-10-15 16:12:26 · answer #10 · answered by moluvsmark 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋