my husband is without a doubt a narcissist...please help...will he come around?? Married 3 years, have a 1 year old daughter, I'm ready to take her and hit the road. Thanks!!
2006-10-15 16:00:54 · 13 answers · asked by monkeymadness 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
not with his looks, but with his intelligence and his unreachable and unrealistic goals for success...
2006-10-15 16:03:20 · update #1
I was married to one for almost 11 years. It was so bad that you couldn't even have a friendly conversation. Almost everything I said and did was immoral or wrong in some way or another to him. He was overly talkative. He knew everything about everything. It was amazing. He was in the habit of calling me an idiot about everything. His response if I pushed an argument was 'whatever...whatever" if he couldn't win. Even when absolutely proven wrong, he was still right. He withheld sex for months upon months. Constantly yelling and screaming, and he would sometimes even hit. He accused me of strange things that never happened like throwing tvs across the room. He was hell to live with. I stayed because he was my children's father, and also because I had allowed him over the years to chip away at my self confidence. I felt totally dependant on him. I thought that when I finally decided to leave him for good that he would stop controlling my life. But, he still finds way to control my life to this day. Right now, it is through a custody battle. He is a habitual liar. But, very convincing. No matter what I am always made out to look like the bad one. He has made more than 10 false claims to the child protection services. All claims have been found unfounded. But, he continues. He has now started to allienate my children affections from me. He is an angel in their eyes and can no wrong. He does this through gentile pursausion. I suggest if any of this sounds familiar that you get away from this man. this is not going to change no matter how hard you wish it away. It gets progressively worse as time goes on. You'll find yourself hating yourself and your life and feeling completely helpless.
2006-10-15 16:12:32 · answer #1 · answered by stop_staring_please 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Go on google and type in narcisstic personality disorder.
I was married for almost 13 years to a textbook case and it was hell. I'm not going to go into the specifics here. All I can tell you, from personal experience, is, if I had it to do all over again, I would have taken the kids and run like hell much earlier.
I know a lot of people might suggest counseling. For me, it was a waste of time, because HE wasn't the one with the problem, it was all me (of course). When he DID go to a couple of sessions, the COUNSELOR took me aside afterwards and told me that he was, without a doubt, the most arrogant man she had ever encountered, and SHE recommended separation.
I'm sorry to have such a bleak answer, but, I hope you do some research, take a long, deep look at how you want to live your life, and make a smart decision. My experience was that he never got any better, and seemed to revel in whittling away at my self-esteem. It took me several years after finally leaving him to get my bearings back, and that was only because I had a strong support network.
Good luck to you, sweetie. I wish I had asked this question a lot sooner, myself.
2006-10-15 16:15:25 · answer #2 · answered by happy heathen 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh hon. I totally understand. My X also was totally focused on his looks. It was sickening. Also he got worse every year. He chooses himself over the kids.....unless someone is watching and then IF it makes HIM look good he would do something for the kids. Let me tell you it was a nightmare. I stayed married close to 30 years becasue I had made a lifetime commitment. Then I realized that God didn't expect me or the kids to be in such a dysfunctional life. I should of left sooner because the two youngest kids rebelled in a huge way.
I can't tell you to leave, I can just say that my life was torture with a narriaistic man.
If you do leave him...get a good attorney. My X hid all the money etc so that I would have nothing and he now lives like a rich man. My only revenge is that I am happy and he can't believe it. Afterall I was one of his pocessions/
2006-10-15 16:14:31 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not have experience with this. What I do know is that you married him for a reason. Have you sat down and talked to him about this without accusing or judging? Do you have the time or money to see a therapist and maybe get some professional help on how to go about talking with him? He is the father of your child and you love him. In todays time it is so easy to just up and leave because one doesn't like or agree what their spouse is doing. It will make you a stronger person to stay and fight for your relationship. As long as he's not abusing you or your child, I don't see the harm in sticking around to try and work things out as long as he is willing to help with the solution. If not and you've tried all this, well, maybe it is time to get a move on.
2006-10-15 16:12:49 · answer #4 · answered by rockinlover2003 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After 3 years and a child, probally not much hope left for him changing. What a bore he must be. I think its a very self centered desease. Maybe he was the center of attention as a child and really believes he's gods gift to the world. I think it would be the worst kind of person to be stuck with for life. Make a break.
2006-10-15 16:12:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
After 27 years it never got better and there was never any thing I could that would satisfy this person...it ate up all the self esteem I ever had and the road back to believing in myself was a long one....but well worth the work...don't believe a word he says it is only ment to control you and get his needs met. Take care of your self and things will get better.
2006-10-15 16:26:36 · answer #6 · answered by mochi.girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No-----he's not going to come around. He's just going to get worse. I've been there. I wouldn't blame you if you picked up and hit the road. These people are hardwired for a life that centers around them and could care less how their behavior hurts other people.
2006-10-15 16:06:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
they are too egotistical and self-absorbed with themselves yet i individually wish Karma is alive and correctly for the narcissists. I do have self assurance Karma isn't picky and is unavoidable. I specific am consistent with this thought device.
2016-10-19 11:31:18 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was like this when you met him, he will never change. If not - there is hope. Maybe he is jealous of the baby and that has turned him into a selfish person, he may be feeling left out and like all attention is given to baby.
2006-10-15 16:05:14 · answer #9 · answered by wandalea_tx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a good idea some times shock thearpy works wonders.
2006-10-15 16:10:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋