First let me just say that my husband is no abusive mentally or physically. We have a great marriage. BUT... when he gets mad he SCREAMS! And I mean SCREAMS. Windows shake my 2 large dog bark (some times even growl). I don't let him get away with it either, I always calmly point out.. "your screaming at me again". He says he can't help it, when he gets mad he screams. And it's true.. he does it at work too.. we work for the same company. I have told him it's the biggest problem in our marriage but he always rationalizes his screaming. Anything can set him off.... from a big fight to yesterday when I forgot to lock my car in a bad part of town. No one has ever screamed at me like this, not an X boy friend or my parents. What can I do?
2006-10-15 15:31:58 · 29 answers · asked by eeeeeeeeclipse 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Mine has the same problem.Or had. Once he was diagnosed as having a bipolar disorder,we got it under control. Bipolars have no control in extremely stressful situations. Things that are completely normal to us can set them off. You are doing the one thing that can help the most. Getting him to recognize when he is doing it and doing it calmly. The fact that he calms down quickly after that is what makes me think he is bipolar. I am no doctor,so please get him to see one and ask for a bipolar disorder test. It can be controlled,with medication, love and learning how to make changes in yourself and him. There is a wonderful book out called,"When you love someone who is bipolar". It is for everyone,including the bipolar person. I won't lie and tell you it will be easy,because it won't. If he is bipolar,the only thing that will save your relationship sometimes is to stop and realize how much you love this man and why. The rewards are wonderful. Good luck.
2006-10-15 15:50:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Somewhere along the line he learned that if he screams it will intimidate the other person into giving into whatever the issues is. You say you don't let him get away with it but you really are because there is no consequence for his actions. Set consequences and do not give in on an issue that you feel strongly about just because he is screaming about it. If he starts screaming tell him you will continue the conversation once he has calmed down (give him a time) example: I will be back in ten minutes. The important part is that you follow through and make him continue the conversation in ten minutes or however long it is that you tell him. If he starts screaming again then just keep walking away and do not have any other conversation with him until the one he is screaming about is complete without him screaming. Believe me once he figures out that the conversation is not going to end until he discusses it without screaming he will stop screaming. :-)
2006-10-15 15:56:50 · answer #2 · answered by B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Immature, insecure or spoiled people use screaming or yelling as a way of getting attention, AND dominating the "conversation." This is a very bratty, selfish thing to do, and there is no excuse for it. In women, we call it "Drama Queens," and it's not too flattering once the female is over the age of 5.
In men, the only ones I've known who did it was a nut case who lived next door, and refused to let anyone tell their side of anything until he was through with his tirade, and some low-class street people who came from entire families who strived to screech louder than the others to be heard.
There is no rationalizing this behavior, there are no excuses. He's obnoxious and domineering and wants to have his way. The question here that I would ask you back is WHY would you want to tolerate this crap? You sound literate (you actually can spell, unlike most other people in these forums :-) ), you sound like you have a lot going for you.....except this loser. What do you think people think of YOU for putting up with it? It makes you Mrs. Loser, and people are going to lose patience and tolerance for you, too.
I bet he will not go to a therapist, because he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, correct??? It's just "him," heh heh, right??? Ask his family, how long has he been doing this, since age two???
So it's up to you, honey, as to how much more of this you're willing to put up with. Surely you have something better to do with your life???
Good luck to you!.
2006-10-15 15:53:11 · answer #3 · answered by His Old Lady 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he needs to grow up--the fact that he screams at work too is evidence for this. You may not be able to get him to stop but you might try telling him how you feel when he screams. You say he isn't abusive and if you've been married to him for several years and are saying that, then I believe you--but if you are recently wed, I say be careful because screaming is often a precurser to something stronger. You've rationalized for him the way he does for himself--of course he can help it--his mouth is attached to his brain and he is the one screaming--nobody is making him scream. So let him take responsibility for it and stop making excuses for him--you sound like the woman of an abuser when you do. Tell him that when he screams next time, you're walking away until he is ready to talk to you like an adult.
2006-10-15 15:39:39 · answer #4 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By just speaking to him calmly you aren't standing your ground. You need to look him dead in the eye and say if you don't take some steps to control your temper and anger, i will leave you, because i can't live like this. If he loves you he will get help, hopefully some intensive therapy to deal with his anger because he doesn't seem to understand how much this effects your relationship! Nobody, and I mean nobody deserves to be treated this way! And no matter how great of a husband he is, yelling so loud that the windows shake is just not acceptable, period!
2006-10-15 15:40:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always tell my husband that when he yells, I stop listening. Calmly tell him that you're leaving the room until he's ready to speak to you respectfully and calmly. My husband was at the point of throwing things at me, and he's settled down a lot since my doing this. It gives him time to think about what's going on and really decide what he wants to say before he says it to me. And no, it wasn't a big hit right off the bat.
2006-10-15 15:39:08 · answer #6 · answered by Beck 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I will say is based on the fact that you admit it is a general problem he is having and not necessarily with you alone.
As you already doing, keep it up. every time he does it, point it out to him very firmly.
Make a deal with him for you to punish him when he does it. Both of you decide on the punishment he should get. every time he screams, you administer that form of punishment.
Or anytime he does it stop talking to him for two hours and sulk and cry and behave in some way to let him feel bad.
2006-10-15 15:43:33 · answer #7 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a 2+4 and the next time he starts screaming...lay it across his mouth. That usually works great.
2006-10-15 15:37:23 · answer #8 · answered by R W 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'm a screamer, i scream at everything and anything that makes me mad or just irratates me. i don't mean to do it and i don't even realize it until its all done and over with. there isn't any hate behind it or feelings of hurtfullness, its just the way it comes out of me when i'm angry. maybe i just wanna be heard. who knows. my husband always asks me why you yelling, do you have to yell. and my fav what are you screaming bout now. i wish i knew what to tell you or myself or my poor hubby, but i can't. i say i'll work on it, or i'll stop but i never do or i just can't. good luck with your yeller
2006-10-15 15:41:17 · answer #9 · answered by Becca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. have him visit a psychologist
2. start screaming back
3. record him and at the right time let him know how much of an *** he's being
that's all I can come up with, sorry.
good luck
2006-10-15 15:36:43 · answer #10 · answered by kiki Dee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋