How do I let go of an old relationship?

Question

I am in a happy, peaceful marriage with a man who loves me and is very good to me. I am consumed with thoughts of an old relationship (the one I dumped to date my husband). The person from the old relationship claims to still miss me & love me deeply.(after 5 years apart) There was no contact for four years and then he emailed me. We communicated briefly and then I cut off communication. I am tortured by thoughts of him, I dream of him, think of him constantly and it feels involuntary. I DONT want to have him in my head. Can anyone give a real constructive suggestion? I've tried everything. I feel like my brain is not my own. help!!

Answer 1

sounds like you both have unfinished business there.

Answer 2

Was your last communication with him a closure kind of e-mail where you got your feelings out in the open, but told him you can't be with him? Maybe that's what you should do.

I have the same situation without the recent contact. I can tell you that still, even after being married 13 years that a couple of times a month I still think about this guy. It's normal. I'm not obsessed with him, but I do think about him from time to time, and then every year around Christmas I try to locate him on the internet, but I never have any luck. I'm sure that's a sign.

I think you really have to face this in order to let it go. I'm not saying meet him, see if you can rekindle, anything like that. I'm just saying that you probably have to have a very frank conversation about this with him and both come to an agreement that it's over. Once you do that ( I did it face-to-face and found things didn't feel so magical after all that time) you will feel better, but probably still have those thoughts occasionally. When you love someone the way you loved him, and it doesn't work out and you find new love, you can't be expected to just forget an experience that had such a profound impact on you and made you who you are today.

But you should not tell your husband. No cause for big worry right now.

Answer 3

I am married and sometimes think about my ex that I have not talked to for 6 years. I have felt very guilty about it but don't anymore because iI realized t is natural to think about somebody that you once loved and probably will continue to love the rest of your life, even though you are married. You may always wonder what he's doing, hope he's well and that's all right. It doesn't mean you should or want to be with him, even though it can feel that way. You will probably think about the ex the most when you argue with your husband. We tend to have thoughts about the best parts of the last person we loved when we are having a rough time with our current relationship. Take heart, force yourself to remember the bad part of this person and why he is an ex. There have got to be some negatives about him, think of those. Then think about the best parts of your husband and why you are with him now in your life. Time will help you.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are driving yourself crazy.....Been there done that ! Since he has come to the forefront again, I think the only thing you can do is to confront him head on....You know, meet him face to face,,,,,,,,,I think you should meet him at a coffee shop only....Have a cappuccinlo at Starbucks or something and only allow yourself 1 hour with this man.........But don't forget you are married, and don't take a chance of ruining your marriage just because of a past relationship...........and remember also that you did dump him for your current husband, so there must have ben a reason for that.......Meeting him is just to get him out of your head, over and done with.......do the right thing after tallking and tell him it was nice and that hope you two can be friends and that is all ...That maybe you'll bump into him again ...You've moved on and he should also...Save your current marriage..........or you may be sorry......

Answer 5

there is a reason why you dumped him in the first place. How many people would you hurt if you acted on your feelings? As we get older, we always think of what ifs. Be thankful you have a loving and faithful husband who is there for you.

Answer 6

Forget about the past,and focus your life and thoughts in your happy marriage,do not let the past destroy your marriage.Go to church and pray,ask God help you to eliminate those" flash backs" (the past).Focus in your marriage,remember well.Do not waste your precious life, thinking in the past time.Live the present and future.Some bad people apply black magic or whatever means they can use; to get what they want.If those thoughts about that man come to you,rebuke them in Jesus name.If you do that,you will be okay and happy with your marriage and family;I warranty you 100%,in Jesus name.God bless you every single day in your life.You will be alright.Good luck.

Answer 7

i had the same problem for the most part...... you have to look at your life.... a good look... then you gotta follow your heart. Do you think you married the right man?? i realized that my mind was stuck in the past that was the only reason i had secound thoughts... i really love the man im with......... i hope this helps

Answer 8

you said you dumped this man to date your husband try to remember the reasons you left him. do you love your husband? Build a life on what you have not what could have been. if you can't do this you are not being fair to your husband. he deserves your whole heart. if you can't work it out for your self try talking to someone that can help you

Answer 9

Its takes about 4 months!

Answer 10

It sounds like you might not have cut all the strings when you broke it off. if you have an understanding hubby you might want to ask if he would mind if you met this person for coffe or something and air it all out.

Answer 11

well i would just try your hardest to ignore him and go on with life sooner or later he will get over you and move on and love your husband!!! I wish u the best of luck with all this advice!