He wont work or help out around the house. he is almost 20. Help!
2006-10-15 14:17:39 · 39 answers · asked by david b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
get a restraining order and change the locks
2006-10-15 14:18:35 · answer #1 · answered by Alex 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi David b.
LQQk who's house is it? Your the parent give him until 11/1/06 if the doesn't have a job put him out. And or say until you find a job these are your chores any back talk explain what will happen. If you don't wanna help tell him I don't care where you live. I suggest you see if they have any groups called Tough Love, this group is other parents dealing with children that think they can do us they please some of the kids will have a rude awakening to say the least. Good luck & have a good day!
2006-10-15 14:26:43 · answer #2 · answered by dousmokedoobies69 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you have to be in agreement with your wife or this will never work, because he'll just play you against her. If you two agree, then I suggest the following:
1. Establish a timeline for him to get gainful employment (two weeks, or maybe a month), then make sure he's out there looking for a job. Make him tell you where he applied!
2. Set a "moving day" for him to be gone completely. Let him know this WILL be enforced... job or not!
3. Tell him you'll help him find and set up a decent apartment... maybe even help him move, if he shows some initiative.
These are just my suggestions, and he needs to know you care about him... but he needs to get moving on with his life. Maybe you could let him stay if he gets a job and pays you some rent, or if he goes to college? You have some options, but don't be afraid to enforce the rules. It's your house. Good luck! :o)
2006-10-15 14:26:14 · answer #3 · answered by JP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of your problems is you are the step parent. I have two step daughters and my husband has a stepson (my son!). It is easy to feel resentful towards a stepchild, including, why isn't their "real" parent (the one you are "replacing") doing more? The best thing you can do is to work on your spouse to understand your position. The easiest way to get this spouse on your side is to go to a counseling session with a trusted psychologist, perhaps one recommended by a friend. The pychologist will almost definitely tell you both that you are not doing any favors to this child to support him. The kindest thing you both, as parents, can do, is to push him from the nest and let him fly. Good luck, and remember, once he's gone, you might even miss him ;)
2006-10-15 14:25:10 · answer #4 · answered by E L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not mention that he is getting an education going to college or other schools. I have the same problem with a daughter and her son 11 years old and 40, she is a boomerang kid, have left the house 7 times in 10 years and keep coming back when she is trown out of jobs and living quarters.
2006-10-15 14:28:06 · answer #5 · answered by antonioavilakiss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I guess if he could be helping out and such...if he really won't do it give your stepson an ultimatum...either get his act together or you'll kick him out. I know this sounds harsh but sometimes you have to give your children a push or they'll never leave the nest. Another option is to charge him rent but if he refuses to pay that then you should consider kicking him out.
2006-10-15 14:20:39 · answer #6 · answered by Ling-Ling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and your wife need to be in agreement on it, and he needs some rules. Get a job, pay some bills, do his share of the chores, etc. Maybe if he signs up for classes at a community college you can lower his rent as long as he is getting good grades. In 18 months he could learn a trade at a CC, chef, auto-mechanic, etc. or, get all his basics out of the way and go to a 4 year university.
2006-10-15 14:20:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start making it miserable for him to be at home. Don't buy the food he likes, don't cook for him or do his laundry. Stuff like that might help him get out on his own.
I also like the idea of charging him rent, make sure to charge comparable to what an apartment will be that way he doesn't stay thinking he is getting off by paying less rent.
2006-10-15 14:21:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't got his mother's support, you are pretty much hosed. If she is supportive, give him a deadline. Tell him if he isn't out of the house in two weeks, he will find the locks changed, and his possessions out on the lawn. I would also call the police and verify that the possession part is legal in your state. You might also file a restraining order against him.
2006-10-15 14:20:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Charge him some rent lay down the law of what he is suppose to do around the house,and if he doesn't give him his moving notice,use that tuff love on him,he will thank you in the long run when he starts to take care of himself.
2006-10-15 14:21:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Refuse to help him!!! STOP giving him money, paying for cell phone bill, gas in his car, food, dates, any other thing he wants. Stop doing his laundry and his dishes. Don't clean his room or pick up after him. Don't let him use anything that is yours. Charge him rent and ad extra for electricity, food, water, etc. Make him pay or he will be evicted just as in the real world. Good luck.
2006-10-15 14:21:49 · answer #11 · answered by Lori 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋