Pre-marital sex and a happy married life?

Question

This is a serious question and I want a serious answer.
I agree its nice for both partners in a marriage to have sexual experience prior to marriage, but should it be with each other? Also, will too much of it with each other spoil the chances of a happy future married life?
Thoughtful and thought provoking answers from experienced people will be appreciated. You may rule out issues like HIV, STD, etc. when answering.

Answer 1

I married the first man I ever slept with, and I was a virgin until 18. He had been with MANY others before me. Granted, I wasn't sure of myself, and didn't know how to do some things he wanted me too, but I tried. I wasn't good at some things like oral sex, at first (although now I could jump start a leaf blower) and you get less self conscious as you get more comfortable about being so totally naked. I was raised to wait for sex for marriage.
Now, my marriage only lasted 3 years, although sex didn't have much to do with it the breakup. He was mean and abusive. So it's dificult to tell how our marriage really would've turned out if he hadn't been a psycho. Since him, I've been through many relationships; hence many sexual partners. I learned from the different men and women I've been with how sex can be fun, emotional, spiritual, and freaky at times. The more you're comfortable with the sex act itself, the more you can satisfy your partner. That doesn't necessarily mean different partners. You 2 can learn together. It all comes with time. I'm 30 now and do things I never thought I would be doing sexually when I first became sexually active. I don't believe that too much could spoil it at all. My man and I have been together for 4 1/2 years and have sex every other night if not every night (or day) It makes me want him even more. When you find someone who loves and respects you, you'd be surprised how good the sex can be. You'll want to please each other and the sex becomes phenominal. I think my prior experiences helped me be a better lover by making me comfortable with my own body and the sex act itself.
But I have to say, everybody is different. This is my personal experience. I know people that have married their high school sweethearts and have been together 20 years and have great sex lives.
Hope I was helpfull...

Answer 2

What? Ok, I'm Arab and you have this all wrong. Katib el keetab IS technically the marriage . The kitab is when the Imam reads the Qu'ran and there are witnesses, that is the essence of an Islamic marriage. You don't have to do anything after the kitab that can be all of it, you can live together if you wish to do so once you have done the kitab, but since most people actually have a wedding party after that then they just wait till after the party, but the Islamic part of marriage is already complete. The purpose of the kitab is so that you can have an islamic way of communication and no they don't just go around having sex and do whatever they want, is a hijabi supposed to wear the hijab at all times and never speak to each other till after marriage? Of course not that is the purpose of the kitab. I'm curious, though what is your definition of a marriage? As far as I am concerned in Islam a couple is marriad when an Imam reads, there are at least 2 witnesses and it is not kept secretly, that is exactly what a kitab is. EDIT*** Pakistani Chap, I am still waiting for a response from you, what is your definition of a marriage? The way you put it is rather insulting, but I understand that you are not familiar of this topic so that is fine. But I don't understand where the issue comes in play when the ktab is the marriage, how do you get marriad without doing ktab? Do pakistani's not read Qu'ran when getting marriad?

Answer 3

It is essential that you've at least had sex with the person you intend to marry before you get married. If you don't, and you don't know what to expect in the bedroom you my have an unhappy marriage. Yes, if you've both never done it, then you are probably going to be in the dark about what is good and what isn't, but I doubt that you'll be happy if it really truly isn't. There has to be chemistry between two people that works on that level in conjunction with the love you feel for each other. Compatible covers so many things besides just having the same interests.

I know many people who have been married for a long time and lived together prior to marriage and they're doing well. There are people who have problems that I know who waited to have sex. Bottom line is you can have a bad marriage that involves good sex that was good before you were married. You can have a good marriage that has good sex. But if you have bad sex issues, you probably won't have a very good marriage. I've seen even the best suited people have a very rough go of it because they had problems in the bedroom. My two cents is try on the shoes before you buy them. My husband was a virgin when we met, and I'm glad we got to work out some of his issues because he had quite a few that would have been deal breakers for me if they hadn't been worked out.

Answer 4

Pre-marital sex is not a key to a happy married life. Never try it also. Sex is not something that needs to be taught! It comes naturally when you love your spouse.

It will become more special when you wife to be knows that you have saved it especially for her when of course who had a lot of options! Dont even try to cheat on her because a woman always knows. Be straight forward and she will appreciate you for this. Once you have won her trust in this matter, she will be yours for life!

Nothing brings a man and woman so close together other than sexual fidelity!

Answer 5

No matter what, sex is only healthy when there are feelings involved. I think a marriage built on extremes of "experience" may have trust issues, such as, a virgin marrying someone who has had multiple casual relationships. I think that above all, relationship experience is the true test of a marriage, not how much time each has had in the sack. Having a physical connection before you marry is important, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have slept with one another.

Answer 6

No, premaritial sex should never happen especially with someone you are not going to be married to. I know a person who had premaritial sex before getting married. After he got married he could never be close to his wife because he just remembers all the times he had sex with other women and compares them to her. Don't trick yourself in having sex with someone you are not going to marry by saying it is for experience. Trust me you'll know what to do when the time comes. Sex was made to be between two people that were to live together. To much sex with eachother after marriage won't harm it, unless you married just because of sex. Other factors will keep the marriage in place such as trust, responsiblity and love.

Hope it helps.

Answer 7

Well, i can only answer from a christian point of view. I Think that having premarital sex can have a serious effect on a marriage. Because its not the best God has for us. I'm not saying you can't have a happy marriage if you have premarital sex, I'm saying that you might never experience the full potential of what you could have had if you would have waited.

Answer 8

If someone can find happiness in a guilty-conscience, pre-marital sex is justified. But don't sell your conscience to the Devil !

Answer 9

Too much sex will not spoil the chance of a happy marriage, sex is a huge part of marriage, it's about being intimate and close to the one you love. And I do not think it matters who it is with, you are not going to compare sex stories, or details about past lovers.

Answer 10

I have been married 30 years. We had sex before we got married.Sex is just as good now if not better.Its up to you and your partner to keep it that way.If you truly love each other there will be no issues. No such thing as too much loving (sex)