is kinda lost now?

Question

ok.....he cheated im devestated......i have been writing questions on here and tyvm for all the replies.........but the replies seem to be sayin the same thing he moved on emotionally long before physically.....but i always kept the lines of communication opened i always asked if he loved and wanted to be with me.....i always gave hima chance to be honest......why did he do it this way?

Answer 1

It wasn't your fault. Some men are immature way beyond the age that you'd think they would be ready for commitment. Some men cheat because they are just that type of person. Some cheat because they were raised thinking it was OK (ie: their father, grandfather, etc, always did that & the women put up with it).

Lots of cheaters talk a real good line, sounding all romantic and everything... but they are covering up a very lame and weak personality that way.

I♥♫→mia☼☺†

Answer 2

Well, you have to stop thinking that it was all to do with you. You may never know the answer to these questions, because it would require him to open up and tell you exactly what he was feeling and why he did it; unfortunately people, and mostly men, are not able to do that. You could have done everything right- and this still could have happened. That's the very difficult thing about marriage and relationships in general. Love is not always enough to keep it together and you ultimately have no control over whether he cheats, stays faithful, falls out of love, etc. I know that sounds pessimistic, but it's true. No one person can keep another from doing those things. You have to go on faith that you're doing all you can to have a good marriage, but at the end of the day, it may not be enough. We put ourselves out there, we trust, but we have to know that the trust can be broken.

He probably knew being honest would be more hurtful to you. In spite of what he did, I'm sure the last thing he wants to do is cause you additional pain by giving you details you feel you need to move on. Those details and the honesty could be more devastating than what you're going through now. Focus on you, surround yourself with good supportive friends and family, and quit torturing yourself over this.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that this had to happen to you. Although I can't really answer this question for you I can give you somethings to think about. It's much easier for others to say live with it , or leave him. Only you know what kind of relationship the two of you have. How did you find out - did he come to you and confess. If so, maybe he is devastated to...maybe he sees the mistake he made.
If you caught him or found out on your own, then it's a different story.
He has to be willing to change and commit to ONLY you. Can he do this? Can you trust him if he did?

With this aside, what kind of man is he. How does he treat you?
If he's checked out emotionally, then chances are he won't be willing to make the necessary changes.
But if he is loving and kind, then maybe he will be willing to get help, and commit to you completely.

Are either of you Christians? If you are this is a BIG helper. You can begin to pray together for healing of this marriage. There is NO better intimacy then praying together. You can also pray on your own other times throughout the day - asking God to heal the marriage, and to protect you husband from the worldly lusts. Pray to protect his eyes, his thoughts, his desire. To make them Gods desires.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

I feel your pain girl...i married my husband for all of the right reasons. I had never known love so true, and i knew that he was the one for me forever. Only a few months into our marriage-with no signs beforehand-he began to accuse me of cheating on him. On a regular basis. I could never do enough to convince him i wasnt, or enough to please. We had wonderful moments in our marriage, yet we had terrible ones also. It became more than i could handle. I felt in my heart many times he was looking for a way out, that he had made a mistake, and this was his only way to get out of it. I tried to communicate with him, and it finally came down to the point that i couldnt tell him if i had a bad day at work. I will never forget the time he looked me square in the eye and said-You really dont have anything to say that i want to hear anymore...anyway...he moved out 2 months ago.....and since then, he has had a different woman on his arm every weekend...He told me he could do better. I am realizing slowly that its time to move on. No matter how much you love them. Where could there ever be any trust. The thing he feared the most in our relationship-he has done to me. Good luck to you. And you dont cry alone, remember that.

Answer 5

Been there, done that, got the heart ache. Mine had already made the split in his mind so it was easy for him to walk away from me into the arms of his lover. It took me two years to get over it.

I asked the same things as you have, why did he destroy a family? Why did he just give up instead of telling me he wasn't happy? The list could go on, but I don't want to dwell on it now.

Basically, some men are just jerks. Not all of them, just some who are so self-centered that they don't care about the pain they inflict on others. All they want is to make sure they are happy themselves. The good news is that life goes on. You will meet someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. A man who you can trust to never hurt you like that. A man who is truly worthy of your love and devotion.

Answer 6

my honey.. I'm into a bad situation myself.
I was engaged, and I question cheating myself, whether or not he did, I have no idea to this day, but I really suspect so.
What he did was his choice, nobody made that decision but him, he could of spent that time with you, but instead he choose to spend it with someone else unfortunately.
It's a tough cookieto take, but your better off dumping him, if you check out my questions, you'll see I'm going through a hard time with an ex, but the answers hopefull could give you a better outlook.
He cheated.. that's his own doing.. meaning it's immature.. I cheated before and it was very immature, I never took into consideration of his feeling's, and at the time, I just really didn't care. but I did tell him the day after I cheated.. I never would of been able to sleep around no, but I did go on a date with someone else, and it's unfortunate I did.
I never would do it again, I did meet up with well.. an ex now.. and I had such strong feeling's for him, and I wouldn't of been able to give up on him... he gave up on me instead.
I made excuses for him all the time.. I covered up for his mistakes , and it was only hurting myself by doing so.
I may complain how I miss him yes, but I'm too caught up into the good moments to remember the bad.There are too many bad, and I'm just thinking on the good.
I believe he cheated on you for a reason.. and that reason being.. someone is watching out for you, and this is a sign that even if you are hurt... it's a sign that they aren't for you.
you can add me at [e-mail] on messenger. Same with anyone else that's going through a hard time... Cause out of all people.. I know it's cetainly not easy.

Answer 7

because some people are stupid and do stupid things.

you can either spend the rest of your life running around looking for an answer to a question that an answer does not exist for ( that question being WHY) or you can spend the rest of your life being happy by moving on and finding someone new.

i know you need the answer, you want the answer, you have to have it, sometimes the answer does not exist, and sometimes its not what you want to hear or expect.

don't look for it, you may not like what you find, if you find anything at all, just think of it as because, and move on

Answer 8

that's something you need to ask him. Obviously he wasn't getting something he needed from you.. wether it was physcial or emotional or whatever. That wasn't a diss on you... Ever read the 5 love languages book>?????? If you haven't.. i would read it asap. it's amazing. The only real reason to find out why he cheated is to ask- and you still may never know. i think cheating is one of those things where sometimes you just have to learn to try and move on with life- never knowing exact reasons for why they did it to you.. best of luck .. i know it's not easy !

Answer 9

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all!

By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra

Answer 10

maybe he knew ahead of time and was just preparing himself. he was just making his path by emotionally getting over everything before physically leaving you. of course he lied about it when you opened the door for communication. he knew you would try an change his mind or stop him. he was just preparing himself for his new journey. i can't understand why you are still so concerned an can't find the need to go on with your life. it is time to let go an make a happy life for yourself honey. good luck an i wish you well.