How Do I Get Rid Of These Feelings?

Question

I have had bad relationships in the past where the men I was with told me that I was fat and ugly, and now when my husband tells me I'm pretty all I can say is yeah right your lying. What can I do to build up my self esteem?

Answer 1

I have been there. I grew up with everyone always talking about how beautiful my sister was, my friends were always the "hot" ones, and throw in an abusive relationship..and yeah, I know where you're at.

It is not easy to overcome. I used to cry sometimes when my now husband would compliment me. The best thing to do is to remember that your husband is not these other men. He is not out ot use, abuse or not appreciate you. He loves you for who you are and finds you truly beautiful. He has no reason to lie to you.

Accept the compliments...even if at that moment you don't feel beautiful. Saying, "yeah, right" will only discourage your husband and make him feel rejected. In time, you will get used to hearing nice things, and will want to hear them even more. If he isn't aware of your past experiences, tell him.

If you do have really severe esteem problems, some sort of counseling could be productive. Even a group situation. With my husband's support I was able to overcome my issues.

Answer 2

Learn the fine art of accepting a compliment. If a stranger told you that, wouldn't you smile and say "thank you?" Maybe you could start there. Sounds corny, I know.

You have to be comfortable in your own skin, even if your present husband didn't say you were pretty, you should feel pretty, and tell yourself it's ok that you look that way or weigh that much. If you don't, then a thousand compliments won't make you believe it. Believe it! Pretty is not thin, it's not certain skin, hair, or makeup types. Pretty is much deeper than that. Anyone who dates you then tells you you're fat and ugly obviously liked you for some reason, and I'm sure it's your personality. If after a while they got comfortable and wanted to bolt and weren't happy with just your personality then it's their lame shallow butts that are ugly! Ugly deep down inside and insecure and unable to see anyone for who she really is.

Wow! I'm so pumped up now I could beat up all your old boyfriends!!! ARGH!

Answer 3

this is only my opinion and i am no expert but this is what i think you need to realise...

usually when a guy is in a relationship with a girl and they put the girl down in any way with stupid verbal comments, they are doing this because of their own insecurities.

i have been in relationships where this has occured and trust me (not meaning to sound up myself or anything) I am a very pretty girl. The reason why those guys were saying it to me was becoz deep down, they felt they weren't good enough so they thought if they could convince me over time that I wasnt good enough for them, they would have less chance of losing me to someone else. - i never let it work tho.

what you need to do is pamper yourself more often. go get a massage, have a facial, exersize and play with make up. If you do little things that make YOU feel good about yourself than it wont matter what anyone else thinks so much anymore.

and remember - always tell yourself - no one can make me feel inferior without my permission!

Answer 4

Self esteem is about who you are, not how you look.
If you want to start feeling good about yourself try doing for- or giving of yourself to others.
Commit esteemable acts. Each one is a building block in the foundation of positive self esteem.
Its easy to find all the flaws when we are only looking at ourselves all the time. Good luck!

Answer 5

It sounds as though you've dated a lot of jerks. So, do you feel as though you're married to an honest man? I think the best way to build your self esteem, is to trust in his love. If you really belive he loves you, then ask yourself why he would lie to you. Do you think it's possible that he loves you and sees not only what's on the outside but the inside as well?

Answer 6

ah, this is a good question.

first thing to do when working on that is to not respond to any compliments with anything other than a "thank you". words are so powerful... so when you say "yeah, right" or "sure, whatever. you're lying" it does serious damage to your insides and possibly your relationship. so when he tells you you're pretty, bite your tongue, and then say thank you!! soon you will begin to feel less of a compulsion to deny the compliment, and you must begin to tell yourself that you ARE pretty... because it's you as whole person--keep that in mind. your body, brain, soul,,, everything!!

God Bless

Answer 7

Take a long look in the mirror. If you were fat and ugly would you have such a wonderful husband now to tell you these nice things? Listen to him. He apparently finds the great things about you.

Answer 8

I have the same problem. Look yourself in the mirror and think of how much your husband loves you. He wouldn't lie to you. The way you see your body might not be the way you really look (I know sometimes I immagine imperfections on myself that aren't there). Trust his judgement, and remember that those other men aren't in your life anymore. Try to forget the losers who hurt you.

Answer 9

No one can do that for you, it comes from within. Your husband sees you with his eyes, try to use them yourself and you may see a different you. Good luck to you both, I envy you your love.

Answer 10

Assuming that you are neither, it sounds like something that just takes times to get over. There was one comment that came from someone who supposedly loved me that took years to get over.