My best friend for over a year, who I was madly in love with and the same with him.... Can't talk to me anymore due to health reasons, he has moved away... The pain is so bad it feels like it will never go away because I lost my best friend. I never lost anyone before, how do I get through this? Sometimes I just want to give up on life because there is nothing that makes me happier than being with him.
2006-10-15 12:39:08 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The pain in losing someone is real. This is true if there is a death of a very close friend, in the family or, like in your case, the other person has ended the relationship that you were in and it was a very close relationship. Another example is a divorce of a marriage; especially one that has lasted for years. Some people say that it is like a "living" death. Especially because, though the relationship is over, the couple may still need to be "involved" with one another when children and/or finances is involved.
To just say, "Get over it." is like putting a band-aid on a broken leg and saying, "OK, it's all fixed now!"
Giving up on life isn't our answer. You are alive for a reason. You have talents and abilities that other people would overlook. God gave you these talents and abilities for a reason. He knew what you would go through in life. Now, is that time to go to Him, if you aren't sure what talents and abilities you have, and just "talk' with Him about it all. Even if it means that most of the time you're crying, that's OK. In this time with Him, since it is a question and answer period, allow Him to speak to you into your heart, into your spirit. You will then see what talents and abilities you actually possess. Hand him your hurt, your emotions and your pain. It might seem stupid and you may feel stupid. But, you are in a place where you are alone and you are talking with a God Who loves you so much He sent His Son to die for you on a cross. His Son is now in Heaven with His Father and is coming back for all those that are His own.
Once I did this because of a soured marriage, I then went on with my life knowing that my life was; and is; in His hands. Yes, I dated other young ladies. But when the right young lady came into my life, we have now been married for over 25 years.
During that time of being "single" again I saw myself making friends that were friends I really could count on. They would tell me what I could do and not what I couldn't do. A couple of my friends I made were much older than I; at that time, One in particular really helped me by just being herself. She listened to me and all that I would say. But, when answering me, she turned things around in my thinking where I saw all the positive about me rather than the negative. I knew that this was one individual that God, Himself, brought into my life. By reading the Psalms in the Bible, one reads where a person wrote down their feelings at the time they were experiencing those feelings.
As the time went by, the hurt I experienced was fading. I saw myself in a totally new light. I saw where I wasn't an ugly mess. I had contributions to make to other people. I sat many times and listened to their experience(s). Like the one woman who was much older than I, I would tell them what I saw and what wonderful things that those I listened to could do and be. That life does have its ups and downs. We'll all experience pain in areas that means much to us. But with a God that truly cares about every thing about us, He even numbers the hairs on our heads, He knows that much (in my case, I think He's been subtracting that number) then I know that life has a lot of meaning and a lot of purpose.
One day, out of the clear blue, I wasn't even "looking" for another individual; another woman to become my Mrs., I met her. It was about a year and a half after my divorce that hurt me so much. As I said, we have now been married for over 25 years.
My hope is that you will see all the things you have and you are so able and free to give that out to others. Some day, down the road, you may be talking with someone who is experiencing what you are experiencing right now. You would have answers because you know exactly where that person is coming from.
2006-10-15 14:18:46 · answer #1 · answered by topper_9090 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no quick solution, unfortunately. You have every right to feel hurt and depressed but it will get better. It will take time, but you can make an effort to shorten it.
Try not to get stuck on the same thoughts. If you sit there thinking I miss him, I hurt, why, why, I miss him, I hurt.... You are actually making it worse, reinforcing these thoughts in your mind. This is not an easy thing to stop doing, but if you can gradually teach your self to stop the loop it gets easier to move on.
Get out of the house. Taking a walk is great. You get a bit of excercise and a change of scenery, but help a bit. It might be hard to get up the energy to do it, but it will benefit you. Also taking yourself out to the movies or going for coffee etc, whatever you enjoy doing is a good step. Just don't sit there and think how bad it is to miss him, think about it as an adventure, about being independent. Treat yourself a little. Buy your favorite groceries, rent a really good movie, reread your favorite book, take a bath etc.
Talk to someone. Schools and colleges usually have free counseling services. If you are religous, talk to your spiritual advisor. Even friends, if they are good ones you can lean on and trust are a good outlet. You may have to try several different avenues before you find one that is the most beneficial.
Don't forget the basics. Good nutrition, keeping yourself hydrated, get enough rest. These things won't fix the hurt, but if you stay healthy, it is one less thing that drags on you and makes you feel bad.
One last thing I would recommend. Read the Callahan books by Spider Robinson. Yeah I know it sounds strange, you're hurting, so go read scifi, but those books are about folks looking out for each other. Somehow reading them always helps me a bit when I am really hurting. They remind me that things don't have to be so bleak and they will get better.
Good luck to you, stay strong, have faith in yourself to get through his and know that yes, it will get better, it just takes a while.
2006-10-15 12:55:30 · answer #2 · answered by coppersmith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1-don't be alone. ALWAYS be with friends.
#2-remember all the things you hated about them
#3-get on the market again. Just like when you fall off a horse, get back on.
Remember, there are billions of people in the world. Do you really think that there is only 1 for each person? Hell no. You'll be ok. I know the pain sucks but it's not the end of the world. Think about how sad the person you will be with in the future will be if he never gets to meet you and be with you because you gave up on life?
2006-10-15 12:42:55 · answer #3 · answered by b-rad 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
IMHO, no. Loss of atmosphere, gravity, water (sublimation into space due to reduced air pressure), and geothermal activity (no hot planetary cor to produce heat and magnetic field). Would effectively put an end to active life. HOWEVER, microbes and some extremophiles would go into a state of crystalline suspended animation until the chunk of earth there were riding on plummeted ono the surface of and acceptable planet. At which point they'd wake back up and start living again. Extremophiles can live crystallized in the hostility of space indefinitely until the awoke in an acceptable environment. See the reference below.
2016-05-22 04:59:23 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the health reason? I'm sorry for your loss, theres not quick fix for losing someone, it takes time to get over the pain. I'd try doing other things to keep me busy, spending time with family and friends and when youre up to it date again. You'd be surprised how well that works honestly through experience myself. Live life and enjoy.
2006-10-15 12:44:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can't talk to you anymore due to health reasons? I don't understand that.....why can he not email, write letters, talk on the phone, something???? Is he afraid that it will hurt you more if he keeps in touch? One time a guy I was dating did that to me....he had some problems so he cut off communication with me until he could get them resolved....is it problems that can be fixed? Give him some space......email him or something in about a month.....or contact one of his family members....the mother of the guy that did that to me was very helpful during that time...she kept me posted of his progress......I wish u the best of luck!!
2006-10-15 12:43:07 · answer #6 · answered by honey_bear_21_1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time
2006-10-15 12:40:17 · answer #7 · answered by Grundoon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People will tell you all type of crap. The simple answer is that there no way to get over a break up. You let time take its course and eventually find someone new.
2006-10-15 12:42:38 · answer #8 · answered by flare_ztx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do something fun to get over the break-up! I just moved and i am trying to get over it so i try to have fun with the things i have!
2006-10-15 12:42:09 · answer #9 · answered by Caitlyn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Get over it be finding someone else. Also, play a lot of Donkey Kong on N64. That will keep you occupied.
2006-10-15 12:40:59 · answer #10 · answered by zach 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋