after 24 yrs old marriage ............it is over he cheated.......now i cry not all the time but at times......i feel lost and alone and dont want to meet anyone just yet........but how do i not feel this way anymore.......and why was it so damm easy for him to move on?
2006-10-15 12:36:35 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That is sad but human nature will want you to take your time and grieve the loss of this relationship, much like a death. Once you have had the proper grieving time then it will be much easier to move on and perhaps someday meet someone else who will sweep you off your feet. Best of luck to you.
2006-10-15 12:40:45 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, my. That's really too bad. Sorry to hear what he did. Been there, done that, got the T shirt. Grieve and keep grieving cry as much as you want and need. How easy it is for him to move on doesn't hurt or help you. Get into a group and it will help a TON. Don't even think about getting involved with anyone and don't think about anything but getting well. Heal you so that you are a good, worthwhile, stable, valuable, interesting, educated person and you'll do well.
2006-10-15 13:13:47 · answer #2 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may be hard for you to hear, but your husband may have accepted that your marriage was over a long time ago, perhaps even before he cheated. So for him, your divorce is a formality. For you, however, it is still fresh.
It sounds as though you have experienced pain, but are now feeling numb and withdrawn. I think that this is a good sign. You are healing.
You need time to accept that your marriage is over. Maybe you already accept this. But you also need time to realize that you are a woman with the rest of her life to live. It is up to you how much you make of that life. Do you want it to be defined by your relationship with your ex? Or do you want your marriage to be not your defining moment but rather an important step within your life's journey?
Don't force yourself into dating. Take this time to get to know yourself. Figure out who you are and what you want. Then go out there and get it. Only when you know that and have been good to yourself will you be ready to date.
Just remember to treat yourself well and to keep your expectations high.
2006-10-15 12:45:38 · answer #3 · answered by Aura 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, stop beating yourself up. honey he cheated. that doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with you. men are dogs. (sorry guys) a lot of them will just go move on to another tree to pee on if the one they have seems to be dying. if there was a problem in the relationship, and there was, or he wouldnt have cheated, he should have let you know and tried to work it out. there are innumerable reasons men cheat, (and women, of course) and there are innumerable justifications that they will use to make it your fault. so, first off, stop blaming yourself for his lack of moral fiber. its not your fault. you asked why it was so easy for him to move on? because he started before you did. he was already moving on with the cheating. who cares if you dont' want to meet anyone else? nothing wrong with that. so stop berating yourself or thinking that you are pathetic or lagging behind on some timeline or something. you are still in mourning for your marriage, which i can see meant a lot more to you than it did to him. about the crying...well, get it all out. you are likely depressed. i suggest a girls night. a divorce party. you sit around and trash men, (that's always fun) and get drunk with the girls. you check out hot guys. you have fun. then you decide if there's something you want to do that you couldn't because of the marriage, (buy a new car, go to school) and look into doing it now. redecorate the house, change things up a bit. force yourself to move on after you've greived enough. when will you start feeling better? when you decide to. you'll reach a point, (kinda sounds like you're almost there) where you will say "screw this and screw him. hell if i'm gonna sit here and be depressed over his sorry ***." when you hit that point, it gets a lot easier. if you need someone to talk to, you can email or im me.
2006-10-15 13:52:13 · answer #4 · answered by kajunprincezz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in mourning of your old life. This is a natural stage that you are going through and you will begin to feel better in time. the best thing that you can do is take a big step back and look at your life and ask yourself what you want to do for yourself that will make you truly happy - like maybe re-decorate your home to the style that YOU love, get a new hairdo, but new clothes, start a new hobby - focus on YOU and the rest will fall into place.
Good luck xx
2006-10-15 21:08:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand because I am also going through the exact same thing only our marriage is 16yrs. I am lost as well and tears flow quite frequently. It is so hard and I really don't know what to do myself. Mine was a suprise, I mean discovered affair and next day he moved out. I still love him and in pain but I think if we can get to the point when we are angry it will help ease the hurt. Why is it easy for them to move on? I don't get it. When he walked out the door he took my heart, my security and my future. I still have 2 sons at home (18 & 12) and they are bothered if I'm upset so I do a lot of sole searching in my room alone. In the house we shared he is everywhere, I mean I look at the sofa and reminds me of him. It really is the worse thing anyone can go through. If you have a solution please let me know.
2006-10-15 13:02:31 · answer #6 · answered by Octavia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time, and some feelings may never go away. I was only married for ten years and I know how badly I sometimes miss him. So get involved with hobbies and don't worry about meeting someone. Just worry about yourself right now and everything will fall into place. Join a gym or something you like to do and keep our self and mind busy. Don't forget counceling it really does help.
2006-10-15 14:15:24 · answer #7 · answered by Laura L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 24 years he cheated. You should feel lucky for those 24 years. Did you ever ask him his feelings, try to understand his emotions ? Always there is a reason behind.
Feeling better is totally in your mind. You think of the best moments of life and the present good things of life, you will feel better and happy.
2006-10-15 12:41:50 · answer #8 · answered by dotab 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll feel better when you forgive yourself for letting him treat you the way he did. As long as you let yourself suffer, you are letting him keep hurting you. Stop thinking about whether it is easy or hard for him now. The resentment binds you to him and makes you miserable. Let it and him go. Find someone less fortunate than you are and help them. Volunteer, get a puppy, clean an old person's house, whatever. As you do for others, you will build your self esteem and forget about him. Hold your head up high and live. He is the one who made the mistake, not you. it's HIS loss.
2006-10-15 12:48:57 · answer #9 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will go through the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger/Resentment, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. Once you get to the final stage, you will be able to move on and start again. Meanwhile, look at it this way, you are single again - so do everything you ever wanted to do. Go to bars, clubs, hang out with girlfriends, go to church, whatever and you will be over him sooner than you think. Good Luck!
2006-10-15 13:09:20 · answer #10 · answered by thunk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋