Frank felt someone tie his hands behind his back. He was shoved roughly into the wall. "We need your help, and if you won't do it for us now we'll simply grab someone you love, what do you think of that, huh?" the man smirked when Frank's response was silent. "Well, if that's that, then I guess we'll just grab your brother."
"No!" Frank said. "Stop, don't hurt him! I'll do it!"
The man smiled. "Good. You begin tommorow. Get some rest."
2006-10-15 12:29:05 · 9 answers · asked by CandyCorn 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
I'll accept revisions too if you think you can show me what I'm doing wrong well revising. Lol. Thanks in advance to any answer!
2006-10-15 12:30:27 · update #1
i like it, but maybe you could change the "well, if that's that, then i guess we'll just grab your brother" to "well, if that's that, then i guess we'll have to pay your brother a visit." overall it seems good to me,just never been fond of using the same words over and over, i'd love to see it finished :)
2006-10-15 12:34:05 · answer #1 · answered by dae_shadow_spirit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frank felt someone tie his hands behind his back. Then, he was shoved roughly into the wall.
"We need your help, and if you won't do it for us now, we'll simply grab someone you love. What do you think of that, huh?" The man smirked when Frank's response was silent.
"Well, if that's that, then I guess we'll just grab your brother."
"No!" Frank said. "Stop, don't hurt him! I'll do it!"
The man smiled. "Good. You begin tomorrow. Get some rest."
2006-10-15 12:32:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frank felt his hands being tied behind his back. then he was pushed roughly into the wall.
A voice said, "We need your help, and if you won't help we'll simply grab someone you love. What do you think of that, huh?" the man said, with a smirk in his voice.
Frank was silent.
"Well, if that's your attitude," the voice went on,"then I guess we'll just grab your brother!"
"No!" shouted Frank. "Stop, don't hurt him, I'll do what you want"
The mand smiled. "Good, you begin tomorrow, now get some rest"
2006-10-15 12:40:20 · answer #3 · answered by wendy k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad writing. I might do the following:
1. Period after, "...someone you love. What do you think of that, huh?
2. New paragraph at, The man smirked(and capitalize the "T" in the.
3. Instead of saying, "if that's that" how about, "if that's the case"
2006-10-15 12:39:24 · answer #4 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it that's diverse:D yet I extra desirable than like it:D that's incredible. it is so thrilling. i could not see what else you ought to do. and that i wont scouse borrow:) i'm hoping it gets printed so i'm able to examine something. Or whilst your finished with each financial ruin positioned up it so i'm able to proceed reading. what's the call or is it a working call. i prefer extra:D
2016-10-16 05:52:06 · answer #5 · answered by grauer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds good to me. What was the job, and why was his brother so special, because obviously the guy didn't mind if they took his wife? ha. I would like to know the rest of the story.
2006-10-15 12:33:16 · answer #6 · answered by cowboys21angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, you're doing a GREAT job, don't change anything, i would be very interested in reading the completed project, sounds like my kind of reading, keep going an loads of luck, don't let anyone discourage you.
2006-10-15 12:43:31 · answer #7 · answered by snookieoo3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Intresting when you are done with everything send me a hard copy!
supercutie787@yahoo.com
2006-10-15 12:36:54 · answer #8 · answered by EMO cupcake 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its fine
2006-10-15 12:42:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋