me and my ex split 4mths ago.....he was abusive to me, my friends, he disliked my family, and he pleased himself doing what he liked whilst we were left at home wondering what he was up too ( we have a 1yr old son).....i feel that i have done the right thing in leaving him, time is making things better for me....but lately he's been sending me emotional text messages saying he misses us....its tearing me up!....i went through hell with him...i don't know what to do
i know it sounds mean but i wish i didnt have to see or hear from him again ....but thats not possible as my son needs his dad in his life
2006-10-15 10:29:15 · 25 answers · asked by Just passing the time! 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You said 2 things. "Time is making things better for ME" well is time making things better for your son? The second thing you said, "My son needs his dad in his life." There you are right for sure, your son needs parents. What can you do to make a life for your son with his mom and his dad? Do whatever you can to give your son an intact family. Its not about you anymore, its about the child.
2006-10-15 10:35:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you if you feel you want to be with him or not. I think you made a wise move for yourself. As far as your son is concerned, your ex can be in his life, but you need to be stearn with him that you've moved on with your life and that you have no intention on keeping his son from him. I don't think that you should get back with him just so he can keep his son in his life. If he's a good father and will do the right thing when it comes to his son, then he will respect your wishes and be all that he can for his son, knowing that you and him are over. If he acts like a jerk and will only see his son if you are part of the package, then it's his lost and he will pay for that later as your son gets older. Please make sure you don't get back with him for the sake of your son, especially since he was abusive and sounds unstable in the relationship. No one should have to endure that type of mental behavior. The move also shows your son that you love yourself enough to not even take abuse from his daddy. So, make a wise decision and do what's best for you and your son, in the long run. Best wishes.
2006-10-15 10:46:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is an animal. He can't let go and he still wants to control you. You need to break this vicious abusive cycle or you are as guilty as he is.
You need to get the upper hand, don't worry about the child because as soon the father finds out he is not getting sex he will vanish from your life. The child is only valuable to the father as some sort of pawn, a bargaining tool.
And changing your phone numbers sounds like a good idea?
2006-10-15 10:41:33 · answer #3 · answered by Not Ecky Boy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know you did the right thing! Don't look for excuses to go back! You son needs you. Yes it would be easier to not have to deal with him at all. Delete them as soon as you get those messages. It is easy to only remember the good time, i know what that is like, but remember nothing has changed. Be strong, im sure you know what the right thing to do is, you just need a little support. Hang in there!
2006-10-15 10:39:51 · answer #4 · answered by tonka 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been through the same situation with my ex, he was abusive to me, I almost lost my family because of him, and then after we'd split he had contact with my 2 children, until he started to abuse my son - who was 3 at the time. Needless to say, contact stopped and he took me to court for contact. 2 years down the line, he withdrew his application, my kids haven't heard nor seen him since.
I guess what I'm trying to say to you is, be strong for yourself and your son. Yes, your son needs to see his dad, but you don't. Try to ignore the texts - believe me, they don't change - or failing that, change your sim card and don't let him have the new number.
I know it's a hard struggle, but from one person who's been there and survived, you have made the right choice. Allow him to see his son, unless of course HE mucks that up to,if he does, at least you have a clear conscience, you allowed his access, he screwed up!!
Good luck in the rest of your life!!
2006-10-15 11:51:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well sure your son needs a father, but not a damn abusive, self centered SOB!!
Your first step should be to get your number changed. Don't read the text's! If your already feeling better about moving on so far, keep on the trail you've choosen for you and your son and your saftey!!
A man like the one you have described, will never change. He's a love thy self pig, the abusive monster we all fear in our closets!
He's reaching out to you with "words", and words can all have double meanings! He isn't the type that wants to lose...........and in some respects, your causeing him to be a loser.
Keep it up............keep making him into the loser he is. Live your life in pure saftey and love yourself for the path you have choosen.
2006-10-15 10:38:38 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please stay strong sweetie, you did the right thing, and i do agree your son does need his dad in his life, but not how he carries on, you don't wont your son growing up with a father who is like that, maybe he doesn't know what is going on now, but he soon will, and that will be unfair to him and you. Your own words "you went through hell with him"...and that hell will continue if you go back, men don't change, even if they promise you the earth, they will for awhile, but will soon go back to their old ways and the hell will start all over again. Live your own life, look after your son, and forget this guy, if he demands to see his son, then arrange it so you don't have to see him...............good luck and be strong. god bless.
2006-10-15 12:23:57 · answer #7 · answered by donua1022 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u need to just leave him to it hun, dont feel sorry for him as he is just going to try and get bk with u if u start seein him, maybe say to him get urself sorted and maybe seek councelling to help his anger and abusive behaviour, but dont take him bk now just for your kids sake as u r putting urself and ur son in danger, if he can bully u how do u know afta a few drinks he could harm ur beautiful baby. take each day as it comes luv and keep ur chin up. at the end of the day only u can decide what is best for u. Good Luck and dont let anyone walk all over u! :)
2006-10-15 10:49:23 · answer #8 · answered by vicky_js23 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I very much doubt he has changed. Make the necessary arrangements with him for him to see his son but make it clear to him that you do not want him back - have someone with you kike a member of your family for the first few times he comes to pick up his son, you will need the support and that should give you the strength to keep strong.
2006-10-15 10:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by wildflower23000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU HAVE HAD A LUCKY ESCAPE!
some people don't know when they have a good thing going on.
ditch the phone or change your number.
your number 1 priority is your son!
i agree that your son needs a reliable and responsible male role model in his life, but does it have to be this bum!
your dad or brother could be this person.
2006-10-15 11:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋