My friend has been having an affair with a married man for 20 yrs?

Question

she recently found out he has another lover besides her and his wife. Shes so depressed how can I help??

Answer 1

For God's sake, what did she think was going on? Men who cheat on their wives NEVER do it with just one..they have a string of them, the string only changes when one of the women cuts it off, and then a new one is added....where has she been living..in a fairytale land? This is the stuff of B movies, and bad ones at that. Did she really think that he would leave the wife and marry her? She needs to get a grip..she has wasted her ENTIRE life with another woman's husband...and if you think the wife doesn't know, you are mistaken...she doesn't care! Your friend has been the fool, not the guy. You cannot change a leopards spots, no matter how much you want him to look like a zebra. Show your friend this answer. IT is not too late for her to have a real life with perhaps a real man of her own...maybe yes, maybe no, but certainly something REAL, not a borrowed life that must be checked back into the library every evening. And if it came to that , toy shops are filled with lovers, if you catch my drift! But from what I have seen, there is no need for the trip.. single men abound and look for a wonderful woman that they never seem to find...perhaps because all the single women are looking for Brad Pitt and settle for pits. To bad...so many lonely people in the world turning down chances with real relationships that last. After 20 years, she is NOT going to have children, must have a stable life of some kind, so perhaps it is time to put down Mother Goose fables and start the search for a real man...not a pretty one, but a real one. Good luck And please let her read this answer..harsh, but real

Answer 2

What did she think that she can trust someone who let her hang for 20 years
I am sure that she will not be getting any sympathy on this site
so what now she is feeling what the wife has or would have felt if she has found out
It call fair PLAY and their is no help
for someone to get their just desert
but still it most be hard for you to see her oging throw this know ing in your heart that she deserves it
She is an example for all women out there who is cheating with a married man

Answer 3

I'm a little shocked that this would surprise her.... what has he done in the last 20 years to show her he was capable of fidelity? Why on earth would she waste 20 years on a married man? I can see a year or two if she really loved him,....in the hope that he leaves his wife... but 20???? thats just crazy. There's nothing you can do.... she's dealing with being used, betrayed, feeling stupid... and the fact that she's wasted a huge portion of her life on a jackass. She's got to sort herself out. Just be there.

Answer 4

All you can do is be her friend and not judge her. To all the others who replied (or most of you), please don't judge people you don't know. You don't know the mans situation, you don't know him, his wife or this woman. I know people who have had affairs for decades, where the men have been married to women who have been physically disabled, ill or for some other reasons not been able to satisfy their husbands and the affairs were with their approval. You may call it stupid or wrong, but it is their choice, their lifes and not ours to judge.

I hope all of you are saints who have never done anything wrong in your lifes so you won't be judged by complete strangers who don't know a thing about you.

Answer 5

Don't worry so much about helping your friend...someone needs to help his wife. That ba$tard has been cheating on his wife for 20 years?! With multiple women?! I'm sure he's cheating with more then just two women. It sounds like this man has no soul and cares about noone but himself. Your friend needs to leave him alone and go have a LONG talk with his wife and give him exactly what he deserves. He's been living life like a king for way too long now and someone needs to put him in his place. Tell her to team up with his wife and burn his ***. Also, your friend desperately needs to seek counseling. She has wasted 20 years of her life with a man who has no intentions of ever officially being with her.

Answer 6

dudette, it is hard for me to feel sorry for a gal that has been having an affair with a married guy for 20 years. What did she expect - that just because she was the other woman that he would be faithful to her? get real. as for her depression. tell her to break off that relationship where the sun don't shine. Just be there for her and give her a hug and be a good listener.

Answer 7

for 20 yrs. that's so stupid. she can tolerate the wife, but not the lover. she sounds like a block head.tell her he probably needed a new lover because he wore her out, so she will just have to put up with that to until he stops seeing her altogether. after all, it's only been 20yrs. she should be use to it by now.

Answer 8

I feel sorry for her. I know that he was married and all that but the truth is that people only have affairs if they aren't happy with the relationship they are in. Sometimes they havent the courage to end the relationship and the evil circle begins. However she has to look at it that she has had the experience and enjoyed it as well as he has.
Anyway who knows, in time he may still want to be with her and her only. I think you have to be truthful with her and also just listen to her when she wants a shoulder to cry on. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

To be frank I don't see what right she has to be depressed, after all she has assisted this guy to cheat on his wife for 20 years - did she really believe he wouldn't cheat on her also ? Your friend sounds like a total fool and to add to that she's obviously not a very nice person.

Answer 10

Your friend was wrong for messing around with a married man. If he was cheating on his wife, then he would cheat on her too. Never mess with a married man, because they never belonged to you in the first place. Remember wife and kids come first. Tell her she can't get mad, he's not married to her.