I am 24 years old and 6 weeks pregnant. My husband and I found out after only being married for one week. It has ended our newly wed bliss... to say the least. Years ago we made a pact that we would buy a house, before we had children. Although this wasn't part of our original plan, I still don't want to have an abortion. At this point, he barely talks to me. I feel so alone, and I'm scared that this will ruin my marriage. I'm not sure what to do.
2006-10-15 09:59:52 · 45 answers · asked by J. B. 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I'm an abortion rights supporter, but yours is not a reason to abort. You ARE married, and abortion should not be a form of birth control. I'm sorry to be blunt, but you're asking, and I'm answering.
[ADDED] My answer is as much (more, really) for your husband as for you.
2006-10-15 10:09:10 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
BOTTOM LINE: Please! don't have the abortion if you don't want to. he'll come round. just imagine what he'll be thinking when that kid says "daddy" to him or any of the other myriad things you get with having a baby, even the work involved will just make him love the kid more and all of what you're feeling will be the past tense. Your baby will be present & the family just that step closer to being complete.
if the issue is getting a house because you're not home owners yet; you should go to a bank manager and enquire about buying a reposessed house (if people can't pay their bills the bank advertises their house & will sell them for the amount of £ that hasn't been paid. you'll need, on average, just under £5000 to cover the legal costs of surveying & buying a house.
ask for an interest only loan where you only pay the interest, therefore your repayments will be low and a few years down the line when the value of your property has matured you can sell up & move to a better place with no mortgage to worry about (average doubling of house prices in uk is almost guaranteed every 9 to 10 years or so, depending on the area you're in.
2006-10-15 10:15:11 · answer #2 · answered by Can I Be Your Pet? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it takes a man a while to adjust to the new image of himself as a dad. Theres an old saying"Man proposes, God laughs", If your husband can't understand that all the dreams in the world are nothing in front of the fact of the child you created, then hes not very mature and you have to ask yourself if he is the man you thought he was when you married him. I do suggest that you talk to him, many men aren't very communicative, and even less so when discussing things like emotions and fears. As to whether or not it ruins your marriage, well, that depends if you can get though this together or not.
You have already been together for some time, and a honeymoon baby isn't all that unusual, so maybe he just needs time, but do keep communications open.
2006-10-15 10:10:27 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not have an abortion! Your husband knows damn good and well what can happen when you have sex. I got pregnant unexpectandly and gave my son up for adoption and still see and talk to him. It was hard but I don't think it would be as hard as to take his life away because it wasn't convieniant to me at the time to have a baby. Go with what is in your heart. If you want the baby keep it and if you feel you can't raise a child place it for adoption. There are so many people out there desperate for children that aren't lucky enough to concieve or carry them. Good Luck
2006-10-15 10:11:04 · answer #4 · answered by LKJ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He knew their was a chance if you two were having sex even if you was on birth control because no birth control is 100%. Why kill an innocence baby that is half you anf the guy you love? Wonder how his family would take that, probably wouldnt like that your husband wants to kill his baby, just because it was unplanned right now. You could work through this Im sure what kind of guy would leave you in such a tough spot. If it ruins your marriage it wasnt much of one was it?
I mean he wants you to have an abortion, just because he isnt ready to be a dad.
I would keep the baby he will ethier accept it or not.
Could you live with the fact you had an abortion, because your husband wanted you to? That sounds like it would ruin a marriage to me.
2006-10-15 10:15:54 · answer #5 · answered by mellow_26241 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
speaking from someone that has had an abortion(though i did it willing and still think it was best for me). if has to be your choice not his. if you do it just because he wants you to you will regret doing it. You said in your question that you didnt want to do it then dont do. Regardless of how he acts don't let him make you do it, you will regret it and may even up resenting him for it. it would only make things worse. I think that you should tell him that you don't want to get an abortion. dont let him make you feel like it is your fault that you are pregnant. if he didnt want children then he shouldn't have had sex. Anyway be strong and do what you feel is right, you need to worry about how it will make you feel before you worry about how it will make him feel. you don't want to live the rest of your life knowing that you got an abortion you didnt want. i am also 24 and my husband and i have been married for 5 years and now have a 3 year old daughter. tell your husband that you don't want the abortion, that you are going to have the child, but depending on how you feel you may consider adoption.
2006-10-15 10:07:27 · answer #6 · answered by my101201cutiepie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should go talk to him about it. Your husband's being completely stubborn and an idiot, no offense. Your husband doesn't own you. You're a human being. You have your own opinions and views. If you made a pact that you would buy a house before you had children, you just should've stayed abstinent. But that's in the past and you need to think about the life inside of you. Do you really want to kill a child? You didn't want children until later, and now you've made a mistake. Don't try to erase that part out of your life by having an abortion. You're most likely going to end up regretting killing a living person that you've created out of your and your husband's love for each other. I think you need to talk to your husband and rethink things over. Don't be so quick to make such decisions.
2006-10-15 10:06:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
Well, I am only 18, so my words may not mean much. But I am 3 months pregnant, unplanned. My fiance and I had said we would both finish college and get settled down before we had kids. Unfortunatly, I havent even got out of high school yet. BUT, he is supporting me very well. Takes me to every doctors visit, watches my food intake, gives me my vitamins. Even though we hadn't planned on this yet, he is taking it with a very loving aura about him. It boils down to love. He loves me enough to support me no matter what. If your husband loves you the way he says he does, the reason he married you for, he will come around and support you too. If not, maybe the marriage was for the wrong reason. Or, maybe he is still trying to adjust to the idea of a child. But whatever you do, do not have an abortion. It is not your child's fault. Don't end its life because it was unexpected. There is always adoption.
2006-10-15 11:01:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is terribly sad.
It will ruin your marriage - I'd say it already has. It has revealed your husband as a spoiled brat who would kill his own child (and i'm very very pro-choice) because life hasn't gone according to plan.
The really sad part is your baby loses no matter what. If it dies now, it doesn't know - but you lose on that one since you want your baby - you will never forgive yourself if you kill your child at the request of another.
If it's born to a single mom, it loses because it will have to be raised in day care, which is very damaging. If it's born to you and your husband and he hasn't grown up yet, your child will have a father who is an immature, resentful loser.
Your child absolutely does not care if you have a house. He/She will care that he/she has a mommy home to raise him/her, supported by a mature, decent father.
Your husband may just be having a tantrum and may grow up very quickly and make this up to you somehow. It's hard to know how tho.
Is he revealed by this to be an immature, selfish, controlling loser or is he just taking a moment to adjust to the reality that life is what happens while you're making other plans?
2006-10-15 10:07:37 · answer #9 · answered by cassandra 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is trying to force you to end your pregnancy and you want this baby, I'd say stand your ground. He cannot force you to end your baby's life. You have a say in this also. It sound like to me that he only loves you as long as it's convenient for him. I'd say dump the loser. Yes it will be harder as a single parent and it will be hard to make that decision to leave him, but if he refuses to support you and is already acting the way he does then what makes you think he will care for a child? Think of what is best for you at this point. If he willing to stay married (and treat you as a wife is to be treated, with love and respect) and learn to cope with having a baby a little sooner than expected, then you'll work through it. If not you are better off without him and he doesn't deserve you. And never blame yourself. If you want this baby then you do that. Don't let him manipulate you into having an abortion that you don't want. That isn't fair to you either. Be strong.
2006-10-15 10:16:32 · answer #10 · answered by d4cav_dragoons_wife84 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hunny. It's YOUR body, YOUR choice.
If you don't want an abortion, DO NOT get one, please.
I'm pro-choice, so my opinion is not biased.
If this ruins your marriage, I don't think he was worth marrying at all. If you think you're emotionally, physically, and financially able to care for a baby, then this shouldn't ruin your marriage. He may be acting this way because he's scared as well, maybe with time it will pass. You should sit down together and talk about it. Tell him how you feel, and ask him why he feels the way he does. Be understanding, but make sure he knows that you aren't going to get an abortion.
That's how i'd go about the situation.
Good luck, hun!
2006-10-15 10:05:22 · answer #11 · answered by seamoan 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋