she do? they seperated and this guy she worked with she found attractive...and her husband knows about this guy while they were seperated and he brings it up and stuff and that makes her think about this guy even more...any advice of how to make it go away? they went out on a date or as friends however you want to say it and she got confused on who she wanted? plz help her...
2006-10-15 07:58:14 · 9 answers · asked by Lisa A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi Lisa,
I don't blame your married friend for straying. It CAN happen when the "other-supposed" Spouse Cheats!
I'm not sayin' that "2 wrongs make a right", just so that you see my point......................now, your Friend has a right, partly because she is separated from the "other", as you stated.
Alot of things are going on here emotion-wise, your married friend feels a "loss" because of betrayal, then at the same time, she is dealing with, maybe old feelings she once had for the estranged hus., then your Friend might find someone "on the rebound", although on this level, might be hard to pinpoint how far her feelings go because THIS is a very confusing time for your Friend as it is!!!!!!!!!! Her emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Anyhow, this is what I think, somewhere deep down your Friend wants to be accepted and LOVED, and when we lack that physical and emotional love by being violated, it comes down to HOW WE HANDLE IT! So, when we "seek-out" some acceptance from someone else, like a guy one feels attraction for, we can get alot of comfort from that! It helps to get along a little, kind of makes a "cushion"-effect.
Also, while your Friend is confused, it's a sign that she should spend some time alone, like not being involved right away, because this CAN cause the confusion for sure. Also, like I was told many times, she can sit down and write the "positives" and "negatives" of the men involved-----------------well, once she can clear her mind first., that's all. Don't rush.
Let me add, that problems DON'T GO AWAY!
She needs to take the proper steps to sort things all out, whether she wants a Divorce, eventually, and to date others, or not...............stuff like that! Don't ever expect to shy away from problrms! They only follow you if you don't resolove them!
Tell your Friend to take 1 step at a time and it's best not to get involved emotionally with the guy she is attracted to, because id she doesn't, the others involved will only get hurt too, in the process, SO, take it slow and easy and get some advice from an Atty. about facts, and stay positive and get matters WORKED out! You owe it to yourselves and ones involved!
I hope this helps!
2006-10-15 09:26:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is back with her husband she needs to stop thinking about this guy and give more thought to her marriage before she ends up loosing both in the end. He needs to stop bringing up the situation if they are to move forward. She needs to talk to her husband about her true feelings. She needs to let him know if he can't get over something that happened while they were separated they don't have a future. They need to have some real down to earth true feeling conversations.
2006-10-15 15:09:27 · answer #2 · answered by barbie2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no help, she is the only one who can make the decision. However if she only went out with the guy on one date then there is NO realtionship there and if she gives up her marriage because of just one date she could find herself totally alone. SHE needs to think long and hard on this subject and weigh ALL of the pros and cons...and decide if it is worth giving up her marriage for.
2006-10-15 16:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is right. If her husband can't treat her right then she should be able to see someone who can treat her better. They could be just platonic friends if that works for them...or more if she has other needs which her husband is not fulfilling. The husband needs to understand that if he doesn't treat her right -someone else will treat her like a lady. .
2006-10-15 15:12:17 · answer #4 · answered by Ricky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't get people that are seperated thinking that they can go do whatever; they are still married and two wrongs don't make a right, in fact she probably added to their problems.
2006-10-15 15:06:32 · answer #5 · answered by Texas T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
been there and i was wrong...a was with other guy b4 my divorce is final,now the divorce is final and the guy left me....
he dont want a seruios relationship with me...now,tell ur friend to make sure that this guy is seriuos and wants relationship with her....if not then need to move on...
2006-10-15 15:19:08 · answer #6 · answered by capricorn girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a certain rift in that relationship that will never be cured..
may be time for her to take her lumps and move on...
2006-10-15 15:03:50 · answer #7 · answered by RiverRat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she is about to become a divorcee...
She needs to avoid adulterous affairs in her next marriage...
2006-10-15 16:50:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
her problem, let her fix it. she knew better
2006-10-15 15:10:30 · answer #9 · answered by DaNewGuy 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋