I'm listening to this ticking clock
and staring space away.
Laying in my bed so still,
anymore, I don't know what to say.
The rain that's hitting my roof,
matches my every feeling beat for beat.
And I just want this day to end,
for you, I'd relive every defeat.
I remember the nights we'd talk pervertedly,
even though you know what was against my wrists.
I wish I could go back in time,
seize the opportunities that were missed.
I'll love you until I die,
but I know you don't care.
You were once my 'protector',
now all I grasp is air.
This day is so slow,
and paranoia is my every thought.
We were so close,
have you that easily forgot?
I told you everything-
my troubles every day.
You were never judging,
but now your mind is astray.
I love the friends I have now,
but it's all I can take not to try.
Everyone loses someone they love in life,
no one quite knows why.
If there is a God,
please let Him hear my plea (more left. hold on)
2006-10-15 06:13:04 · 10 answers · asked by Savannah 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
of how I only beg and wish.
you'll remember me.
You've formed me into who I am today,
and I was the one that made you laugh.
How could I have lost such a good friend,
have been so daft?
For you I will be forever grateful,
and I didnt mean to ruin your relationship with Kat.
Even if I was jealous,
I never wanted that.
You,
you're my best friend.
And with this poem
only one request do I send.
If you don't come back,
it'll tear what's left of me apart.
So I only beg, plea and ask
that you keep me in your heart.
I'm listening to this pouring rain,
and I don't think I'll be the same.
I'm lying in my bed,
and my heart is filled with shame.
I guess I found the words
to say how I feel today.
But words are only words
and now you've gone away.
Savannah Ibbs
I'm only 14. Be nice in rating it.
2006-10-15 06:13:49 · update #1
*all I can take not to cry
2006-10-15 06:14:47 · update #2
for a kid yes
2006-10-15 06:18:51 · answer #1 · answered by Keith T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poem speaks greatly for a 14 year old! You have a great voice and calm mood set through the poem. It is of decent size and to the point. If I were an English teacher, you would get an A!
You are very good at this ryhming scheme, but it seems to be restraining you; try not to ryhme and see what wonders you can create for the world!
2006-10-15 06:20:41 · answer #2 · answered by blueteeth0095 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good overall, but there are some parts in there that make it questionable. also, i would take out a few stanzas, but of course, that is me. I'm an amateur poet/writer too. I have my latest poem posted in a question. Keep up the writing though. Never give up, especially not if you get butchered here and there by criticism. Even though people say that it is "good for your age" you'll always want to prove them wrong and say that it is "good period" with or without the age question. believe me, i'd know
2006-10-15 07:32:02 · answer #3 · answered by Christina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excellent! Keep up the good work
2006-10-15 06:22:12 · answer #4 · answered by wendygirl1000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's ok but keep it trying! some day you will write nice poems if that is what you want.
i wish you good luck
2006-10-15 06:37:13 · answer #5 · answered by bluelille 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes
2006-10-15 08:42:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
thog no like poetry but yours the best thog heard yet
2006-10-15 06:20:16 · answer #7 · answered by thog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah ok
2006-10-15 06:25:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is very good you should enter a contest.
2006-10-15 06:22:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well written!!
keep it up....
fore gone friends
o.k.
2006-10-15 06:19:32 · answer #10 · answered by prince47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋