i made up and we did therapy going great but ,what he did was unforgivalbe cheated on me while pregnant at 6 months this was 6 yrs ago found body glitter on him was so upset lost the baby he left to be with her for 3 months found out she was trash we now have a 5yr old and are very happy hes been acting strange,but always tells me how sorry he is and how he would never leave me or hurt me again ,anyone been through this have advice?thanks....
2006-10-15 03:45:56 · 21 answers · asked by nicole l 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We can all learn from our mistakes if we want to but sometimes when life gets hard and temptation is befor us we fall and go backwards to do it again. It takes a strong person not to do it again.
Alot of us all have stories to tell but at this moment yours is the most important because it is happening now and needs to be delt with. Do you have any proof or signs that he might be cheating? Has he been late, smelled of a perfume you don't wear, showering right after work if normally doesn't ?? You are a good woman to have taken him back after he cheated on you most of us women wouldn't even consider it, I wouldn't any way. You must have a strong relationship or a firm belief in your man so don't give up yet but do play a little bit of detective and catch him if you can. If you catch him don't take him back. Your a loving person and deserve to be with some one who wants you and only you. Is there signs of a problem, do you fight over every little thing is he unhappy? These are a few things you need to ask your self and see if the problem can be fixed and most of all do you love him and is it wroth it to save what you have?
~GoodLuck~
2006-10-15 13:51:57 · answer #1 · answered by vtlovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I happen to have 1st hand knowledge of this unfortunately. When you discover something like this your overcome with this sick feeling and your heart hurts. I've heard the exact same line, never hurt you again & never leave you. Took some biting the bullet on my part cause to get past something that is so personal is very hard. You want to throw it in their face to remind them how much it hurt but you can't, you have to let it go, you can forgive but you can never forget. The second time is years later and I think hurts worse than ever and now he is not cheating on you, he is cheating on the whole family. Don't know your personal situation but I would start right now and open a private account at a different bank and start stashing. Then I would (I did) buy a GPS tracking unit, the live real time version, and track him for couple weeks. Pretty easy to use and you will know for sure without giving him the 3rd degree and also be aware of text messages.
2006-10-15 11:16:28 · answer #2 · answered by Octavia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel anyone can learn from their mistakes, and can change(Grow as a person) as long as they know that there is something they need to change to bring them happiness.
You need to think about yourself right now. It is hard to rebuild the trust once it's gone. "Without trust in a relationship you have nothing'" It's hard because your radar is going off. Worrying if he'll do it again. When things are going well, the doubt that he's being honest is going to drive you crazy.
What concerns me is that he came back to you, AFTER he found out the woman was trash. That would make me feel like I got him by default. Meaning if she was a decent person, he most likely not have come back. That he didn't realize on his own what he had lost with you. He just ran out of options.
My advice is you can continue to live with doubt, be an emotional roller coaster or chose to get out. Open the door to find happiness and love. Good luck.
2006-10-15 10:55:54 · answer #3 · answered by Balou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you made the mistake of taking him back, now he thinks you always will. I do think all people learn from their mistakes, it doesn't mean they wont do it again though, it just makes them smarter about it....maybe he has learned to shower before he comes home, or hide the evidence better. There is nothing more satisfying than a relationship where you completely trust somebody. It's incredible. It's hard to anylize "acting strange" without more to go on, but try giving him the benefit of the doubt. Or try doing something so wonderful that he would feel super guilty, if he was doing something. If he seems to be 'picking fights' lately it could be because it is easier to cheat on someone you are mad at. In thier heads, it justifies what they are doing. If I suspected something, I would pay less attention to him and more attention to my kids, it will make you feel better in the sense that nothing warms the heart more than your own kids. Good luck.
2006-10-15 10:53:53 · answer #4 · answered by Belle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband first cheated on me five years ago. We agreed to work it out and things were okay (not perfect) then he cheated on me again. We are now divorced. I believe they learn from their mistakes - how not to get caught a second time. Sorry...I know this is hard. I do hope he is not cheating again - it hurts a lot. Big hug.
2006-10-15 13:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a pretty major thing to overcome, but it seems like you have both made the effort thus far.
He is your man, Only you could tell if he will do it again. But have faith in your instincts as well. If you start to feel like something is going on (suddenly coming home late, mysterious phone calls, etc), it probably is.
2006-10-15 10:50:08 · answer #6 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While he feels guilty it sounds like he may be set to roam again. Keep an eye on his habits. e.g. porn,internet....
Try not to dwell and harp. If he has learned from his mistake and is seriously trying then if he feels he is already condemned he will go out and do it. While stress can affect a pregnancy; it alone cannot account for the loss. It isn't fair to make him responsible for the miscarriage as if he killed the child intentionally.
2006-10-15 10:55:28 · answer #7 · answered by kane 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yal , it is tough ...you can forgive but you can Never forget. and the married man usually does go home to his wife an family. but if you have already forgiven him , isn't time to trust him again? it is hard and there is no advise on how to trust someone after you have went through it. you just need to move on from it , if you want to continue life with this guy. you may never trust him again , i know i too would be constantly wondering....
2006-10-15 10:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's supposed to. If he doesn't, he will make the same mistakes again. But in your case, if it was me, I would probably divorce him and get his money. Usually once a cheater, always a cheater. How disrespectful of him?
2006-10-15 10:57:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way he is going to change is if he wants to change... and I don't think men always learn from their mistakes... he's gonna repeat it again and again if no lessons were learned.
2006-10-15 10:47:58 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋