i dont know what happen , i didnt even see it coming at all it happen so fast once it started. how do i stop it . this guy is just an occasional sex partner . which is ok . but im a married woman with a husband that loves me more than anything . why would i do this to him . and continue to do it to him .
2006-10-15 03:27:58 · 36 answers · asked by simone3_2000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, all I can say is....you gotta live with yourself now...
2006-10-15 03:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
"This guy IS just an occasional sex partner" - That's your words. Which mean the affair is still going on.
You can not have it both ways. Marriage is sacred, and you must put your marriage vows on a pedestal and a hold them in the highest esteem to make your marriage work. Still having this other man as an occasional sex partner nullifies the intent of your marriage.
You have not stated how you feel about your husband. Are there children involved? This affair you are having is not all about the other man or you It is about all the people it hurts. Your family, his family, the other guys family, children if any, and friends - friends and co worker choose sides, and they will not choose the cheater.
Get to a marriage councilor immediately. You obviously had some doubts about your marriage in the first place or you would not have allowed this to happen - you would have been above it!
And please if it going to continue, set your husband free, so he can find someone new to love and cherish - he deserves better than what you are offering!!!
True relationships, lasting relationships are about more than sex!
2006-10-15 03:52:13 · answer #2 · answered by Hetty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess my biggest problem is you are trying to justify your actions by saying it wasn't your fault. "i didn't even see it coming" and "it all happened so fast". Please you knew exactly what you were doing and exactly the situation that you were in. Then you say "this guy is an occasional sex partner. which is ok." Whats okay about that? I thought you just said you didn't see it coming? But you have sex with him all the time. You are not ready to be in a marriage even if you THINK you love your husband. Marriage is about one on one and putting the other before yourself. You continue to do this to your husband because you don't want to stop doing it to the other guy. You should be single and enjoy yourself. Then maybe later in life get married again after your kicks are out of your system.
2006-10-15 03:52:51 · answer #3 · answered by sdo3lg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HI,
I think the real point is, that you are cheating. but why say 'with a black man'? Is your husband racist? I think this is key..that you used that term. Do you think you are breaking taboo by doing this? Being naughty? Or is this man just 'there'...? These are just some things for you to think about, try thinking about it, what is lacking in the marriage that you feel the need to be with another man. Then maybe you can figure out why you would risk losing a good man over it. Adultry happens, but there is always a reason. I'm assuming you are 'going out of your race' for lack of a better terms, (since you pointed it out) and I know in some families (of all race) this is taboo, even today. Please closely examine your relationship, does your husband not excite you enough? It would be a shame to lose what you have, if you really love your husband, and you could hurt this other man needlessly.
Check your self esteem, make sure its healthy, Take a look at your marriage with fresh open eyes, it'll come to you why you need this other man right now...because he is meeting a need that is unfulfilled. please examine that...and one more thing, Confessing isnt always a good idea. I know many may disagree with me on this, but sometimes, it's best not to tell, to just end it. Your husband may not recover from the pain of your cheating. It's a judgement call, I know, and up to you, but it just isnt always necessary to give the gory details. I would try and find out within myself, why I felt I needed another lover. I hope you will too, and repair your marriage. Good Luck...and God Bless,
BluesGypsy
2006-10-15 03:58:32 · answer #4 · answered by bluesgypzy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What difference does it make that he is black? The point is you cheated! If you have any respect left for your husband, you will tell him. There is an obvious problem in your marriage that you and your husband need to work out. Whether you stay together or get a divorce, you owe it to your husband to make things right.
BTW, it is NOT OK to have an occasional sex partner outside of a committed relationship!
2006-10-15 03:44:54 · answer #5 · answered by feather girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because deep down there is something going on with you and your marriage. You thought that this was what would "fix" it. It doesn't matter that he is black. Black or white, you have cheated on your husband. STOP the affair ASAP. If you don't, you will feel pain a pain that you have never felt in your life. DON'T continue to do this to him. There is a human side to us that can get carried away if someone else pays attention to us. If they give us what we are missing in our life in our marriage. It's only human, but acting on it is wrong. That's the part that can destroy your life. And if you continue with this affair, it WILL destroy your life. Pain, guilt, remorse, self hatred and feeling like your insides are being eat up alive. You will wake up hating yourself and will go to be hating yourself. It will affect everything in your life. The best thing you can do right now is STOP this affair and ask God Almighty to forgive you. Sorry I'm not a religious freak, but I do believe there is a God. Get yourself into some therapy to find out what is going on inside. Why you did what you did. Why you feel you have to have a "sex partner" in your life when you have a husband who truly loves you. I will tell you, if you tell your husband about this affair. your marriage is over. That will be the end. Even if he says, I forgive you and you stay together, it's over. He will never trust you again. Never... plan and simple. He will always worry that you will do it again. Your first priority is to end the affair then concentrate on your marriage and get some professional counseling. People cheat, it happens, its sad, but it's true. They think they are missing out on something. In the end they find out they had everything they wanted in life with their spouce, but they didn't put any energy into the relationship. Then when the relationship ends because of the cheating, they cannot forgive themselves and self hatred takes over. I'm telling you, end this affair, you will not regret ending the affair, but you will regret destroying your marriage and your husbands trust.
2006-10-15 04:40:44 · answer #6 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did it because your a 2 bit whore
2014-04-28 19:34:00 · answer #7 · answered by Tom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why? If u don't know the answer to that then how in hell should anyone else know? And since when was it ever okay to have an occasional sex partner or for that matter...cheating? It's never okay. How do u stop? U just do.
2006-10-15 03:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we do things that we have know idea as to why. I ALSO did what you have done and when I tryed to figure out why I didn't have a answer, I think I was just bored , my husband was also a great guy who loved me more than anything, good guys seem to always get sh*t on!!! and its not fair, you just need to stop seeing this guy and concentrate on getting your marriage back on track. stop and think about what a good guy you have ,would the guy your cheating with love you like your husband does?? if you don't stop now you will probally continue ,not only with this guy but also with others
2006-10-15 03:43:11 · answer #9 · answered by MissMonk 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie I am puzzle.........from what I'm reading here ....you are looking for empathy........and compassion......
You don't know how it happen ???
You didn't see it coming ???
An occasional sex partner... which is OK ?
So what are you asking ... how you continue this without getting caught....!!!
As to why you are doing this and continuing to doing this only you know the answer......
But here is what you can do...... by taking responsibility for your actions....and making a decision........and ending the affair or your marriage.....otherwise when the truth is out ...... an innocent person whose only crime was to love you blindly is going to be badly hurt...... for your crimes.
Sorry....... but look at what you are doing to your life and those who love you.
Good Luck.
2006-10-15 03:54:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you did or what your still doing is wrong. im sure you know this. the first thing you need to do if you want to save your marrige is end your affair. you have to be upfront and honest with your husband. im sure you dont want to hurt him but it would hurt more if he found out anywhere other that you. trust me. hidding it will just make things worse. theres a very good chance hes gonna leave you and he may forgive you. but you either way if you love him and you dont want to hurt him stop it and come clean. he may be more understanding if you tell him. i tried hidding something alot less worse then what your going through and my lies and secret is making him leave. if i would have came clean when it happened things might be different. dont learn the hard way tell him whats going on its the only chance you have to saving your marrige...we all make mistakes we're only human but you can learn from them and fix it
2006-10-15 03:56:12 · answer #11 · answered by rose05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋