been in relationship for about 10 yrs. and we split up twice and back together again now for 1 year, we have 2 kids. and we are both very busy with full time jobs and he is full time at college. but when chores around the house need done I have to do it all. And he is not sincere about anything. I spend a lot of time with the kids, do all their activities and he barely notices all of my hard work. It feels like I am here to take care of our kids like a nanny, be his maid, and cook, and give him sex when he wants it. (which I only give in about once a month). How can I fix this situation? I love him very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him.
2006-10-15 03:22:01 · 10 answers · asked by Vic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
thats your problem, your catering to his every needs,no matter what he doesn't do so why should he have to help out, if he doesn't respect you for being a loving,carring mother and wife, then why would you want to be with him, because you love him, ask your self this why do i love this man, write a list of all his good and bad qualities, or good things that he has done or bad things he has done to see which one ways more, then ask yourself if this man loves you or not, you can also stop doing things for him, like not cooking for him, washing his clothes, stop giving him to much loving attention,if any, stop caterring to his every needs, trust you me a man doesn't appreciate a woman until he realizes that he has to do everything on his own, maybe then he'll appriciate you more and will realize all the things you've done for him,see honey men are blinded to see all the things we do because they think our job is easy until they have to do it, as for the children, put your foot down and make him realize that you to need help,that you to need some relaxation time, that you to are tired, if and when you know,that he got nothing better to do but kick back and watch tv,when you know he should at least be helping you, just a bit, but doesn't, grab your purse, leave him the kids even if he says he's not going to watch them and go to a friends house, go shopping,etc...,give him the chance to see,things you have to do when he's not helping you do it, one tip you have to be strong and do it,even if you feel he's not doing it wright, give him a chance to experience it,you know practise make perfect, hopefully things will change and if not, if this is an ongoing thing and your excepting it then its no ones fault but yours because your allowing it to happen, see i to loved and i to wanted to be with him for the rest of my life,but you know what i was not going to be with someone that did not love,respect or apprieciate me as much as i did him,yeh he told me i love you when he knew and saw that i was getting tired of his bs and then when i was back in love with him he started his bs again,see men will only respect you and treat you the way you let yourself be respected or treated and if you don't say or do, they'll only take advantage of it, to say I LOVE YOU is easy, but to show it is another, i loved him enough to let him go, it was a hard decision, because i to have kids 4 at that, i was affraid that i would not be able to make it on my own, but girl let me tell you i have,never felt so good as well as my children,less stressors and it was the best thing i have done,because i knew, i deserved better respect and appreciation then what he was giving me,well anyways good luck, wish you the best, i advice you to move on if things doesn't work out. Hope i haven't offended you in anyway, just an honest opinion, get back to me on your decision or just to let me know how things are going.
2006-10-15 04:14:52 · answer #1 · answered by smokin_mini 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have noticed in my relationship that when everything is going good, and both parties are happy, that is when the sex happens more often. As for doing chores around the house, as the man I fix things and fix the cars, take out the trash, lift heavy things, and she takes care of light things like cooking and laundry (which I help fold). I say let him know that your not happy with the situation and that you need some compromise on his part with the chores. Communication, amongst all other things, is a huge part of keeping my relationship running smooth. Being sincere about it is hard because men (at least me) are selfish. I think about myself before others. I have to try and be attentive to her needs because it does not come naturally (part of my compromise). Good Luck.
2006-10-15 03:29:29 · answer #2 · answered by J G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if being honest about how bad you feel doesnt work, next step is to find some girlfriends who have partners who help around the house a lot. Expand your social circle to include men who are more enlightened about sharing household tasks. This often makes your guy feel insecure and jealous and he may then rise to the challenge of not wanting to look like the lazy, uncaring one.
Worked for me - and worth a go!
2006-10-15 03:30:48 · answer #3 · answered by zuffin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
handling it: keep in mind which you will get greater advantageous. Your social tension WILL pass away. you have people who love you. you have your boyfriend, your loved ones. you would be great. each and every night, in the previous you pass to mattress, take some deep breaths, and lie on your decrease back. purely mirror over your day, and keep in mind the 5 issues indexed above. appearing around human beings: keep in mind the 5 issues whilst drawing close human beings! Smile and say hi. communicate. you will discover it tricky, however the greater you do it, the fewer complicated it is going to likely be. you do no longer could communicate too plenty, purely greet human beings and each now and then provide your opinion, in case you do no longer prefer to start discussions. you would be great, I used to have social tension. X terrific of luck.
2016-10-02 07:50:22 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Vic,
I believe the answer is found within "know thyself" for both of you and your boyfriend. You can get this through counseling. It can really make a huge difference for the better in both of your lives and also for your children. Find a counselor who understands defensive behavior. Good luck to you guys. I hope you all will find your way to a better tomorrow.
2006-10-15 05:53:11 · answer #5 · answered by Bullwinkle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he is one to be convinced with sex u could reward him for chores done in that way when ur making love tell him thanks for mowing the grass , then next time tell him thanks for cleaning the kitchen , and so on he probably wants sex more often and this would be a way of getting him to do things
good luck
2006-10-15 03:41:59 · answer #6 · answered by ~~*Brownie*~~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do nothing about the place but put your stuff away and get the kids to do theirs. when he complains that nothing is done ask him to put his stuff away and help with the rest, strike action is what you need!! failing that Get him to pay for outside help. You dont have to put up with it.
2006-10-15 03:31:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Refuse to put out
Don't cook for him anymore
Don't do his laundry
Don't write checks for his bills
He should get the point. If not... kick his butt to the curb
2006-10-15 03:34:49 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guarantee if u say...."If you clean the dishes and vacume the living room, i will give you a bl*wjob" he will be on those chores faster than u can blink ;-)
2006-10-15 03:57:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. JUST TALK DONT BLAME HIM AND BE HONEST BUT KIND IF YOU SCREAM AND SHOUT HE ONT LISTEN ANYWAY
2006-10-15 03:27:47 · answer #10 · answered by jo c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋