How do I trust after adultery?

Question

My husband was unemployed for a period of 18 months. In the process we lost everything. He looked for comfort elsewhere because I think he was ushamed of no being able to take care of us. He left for a period of 4 months in which time he started divorce procedings. Once he had found employment he apologised and asked for forgiveness and asked us to try as a couple again.

Answer 1

To answer your general question without going into the details (which I did read) I will just share that some people think trust has to be EARNED, but in some cases it just will never come that way. In this case trust is going to have to be GIVEN. This answer is just completely without judgement. So, in my opinion and based on my experience just GIVE him your trust. Period. It is a decision: "I trust you." Your heart, emotions and confidence will follow the decision and best of all, you will be able to sleep at night, and give yourself the fresh start you deserve after all you've been through. Remember, "The family that prays together, stays together." You need that strength. Peace.

Answer 2

It is either in your heart to give him a second chance or not. You sound like you want to by giving the explanations for his behavior, or is the explanations your giving are to take the blame off of you. Either way it can be done if you want it, this will require much more effort than before on yours and his part. If you do decide to let him come back you have to keep in mind that he is human and mistakes will be made, but the adultery mistake has been done and should not be overlooked again. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hi: first thing you have know, do you love him? he is a good husband? a good father, if you love him, give him a chance, but you put the rules on the table, if he accept them change the page of this story, just keep it out the story, out off your life, the kids and his, be happy don't worry, you as his wife you should give in the best as a house wife, and the best wife in the bed, you know why? now he will compere you and her so you have to bit her on this, so you can be with the man you love, don't forget God gave his life for our sin. If you "love" him then just do it, play with you imagination, think that was just a bad dream, and that today is a new day that you should be happy, kiss him like you never did before , love him like never. But no second chance.

In a another way, if you don't love him, just keep on moving, is not fair for the kids on does 4 month they suffer and by now the were get use to living with out him, and if you give a change with out loving him, the kids will suffer more and can be worst, make them part off this, tell them the reason why you give him a second chance, or the reason why not. in what ever you do think first with the heart . keep a good relationship as ex, for the sake of the kids.

Well good luck, break a leg, life can be unfair sometimes, but is divine living. May God bless you aways with your love ones.

bottom heart

Answer 4

Forgiving him again is going to be entirely up to u but just realize that if u decide to stay in the marriage, it will take some time to rebuild the trust as it's not something that can just be rebuilt overnight. Just remember that forgiving and forgetting are two different things and even though u choose to forgive him for the affair, forgetting it will be the hard part.

Answer 5

It is hard to trust again after someone hurts you so bad. while it is no excuse , when a man feels like is isn't supporting his family like he should they go out and do stupid things that they might later regret. if you truly love him give him another chance and explain to him that you trusting him will take him having to prove himself all over again , just make sure you don't keep reminding him of what he did wrong. men have a huge ego and hate to be constantly reminded of the past faults,,,, good luck I hope all works out for you

Answer 6

You truly can't trust after adultry, been there already. If you really love him you could try to forgive and forget but it really is hard to forget
with time and patience you'll get back on track if you are both willing to work on the relationship but honestly you can't trluy trust again unless you are willing to forgive and forget whole heartedly

Answer 7

You cant. Just think of the misery every time you even consider taking him back. You are better off with this loser out of your life. You will meet some nice guy in the future and things will improve l'm sure.

Answer 8

To stop a guy straying again, which you now know was your own doing...obey the rules..it is not Rocket Science.......follow the simple rules of life



1) LOSE WEIGHT
2) Stop Whining
3) Oral sex to completion whenever and wherever and as often as he wants
4) Anal sex..as above
5)Experiment with bondage and outdoor sex and some spanking
6) Explore group stuff, start with car parks and adult cinemas and clubs..maybe introduce a 3rd person M or F

Do these things before he finds someone who will..and there are thousands waiting out there... or face a lonely and depressing life revolving around food..alone...

ANd ignore the religious fanatics, the repressed sexual midgets, the losers and loners and the bitter stay at home shrews who post on here..my answer is FACT

Answer 9

know where your husband is....he got bored when unemployment hit and most likely depressed too. it will be easier to trust him now that he is back to work. but have cell phones too helps. we call each other all day and not because of lack of trust , but it helps keep communication open thru out the day. you have forgive him so now you have no choice but to trust him.

Answer 10

if you love him you can forgive him but if he hurt you that badly and you feel like you just dont even like him as a person anymore because of what he did to you than your better off without him because no1 deserves a relationship that they arent happy in. if he made the relationship sour then throw it out just like milk. Think of him as the milk sourer