my husband left me and his 2 young children 3 years ago .Unknown to me he was having an affair. He went to live with this woman. After 6 months he came home, but was still in contact with his 'lady friend' I asked him to go . Since then he has left the other woman and is now living in a flat on his own. I have asked him if he wants to start again on quite a few occasions, but each time he has said no, he didn't know what he wanted.I have always wanted him to come home, but over the past 6 months my feelings have changed and I have met someone else. Now all of a sudden my husband wants to come home, saying saying that he cant be a part- time Dad anymore!! Not that he actually spent any length of time with his children anyway, (he has never had them to stay overnight at all in the past 2 years.! I still have feelings for him and he says he has feelings for me ? But dont know if I can have him back. Does this sound awful? My mind is so confused. Anyone got any helpful advice?
2006-10-15 03:02:20 · 83 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You may always have feelings for him. Why wish anybody bad? But after what has happened NEVER take him back. It would turn out an even larger tragedy than the past. has been.
2006-10-15 03:13:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Tough. He didn't want you before and now he is jealous you have moved on whilst his affair didn't work so now he is suddenly wanting again and feeling a loss of control because you met someone else instead of sobbing into a hanky and feeling the world had ended.
Once ruined what you have probably disappear again. Have him visit his children by all means, but don't let him ruin what you have with your new partner.
If you still have feelings for him you could lose what you have so be very sure if you give your new guy up. First impressions though is your ex is not very loyal and not 100% committed so I would keep your guard up. I think sure, wish your ex the best, but you need someone in your life that will love you and give you what you need and deserve. I think you have moved on and should stay that way and mentally decide that once and for all.
Even if you do still have 10% of feelings for him, the way he has treated you means if you do you will suffer the same as before. If you do take him back. In which case you may be better having a break from relationships for a while. But I don't think that is the case and you are better making your new guy work. Put some distance in if you need to so he can visit, but not every day.
Why should you make yourself lonely just because he is and why should you be with someone that will hurt you. If I were in your situation I would feel betrayed and not feel all that forgiving and would ditch them even if I had feelings. I would know someone better was out there. He has made a mistake and so tough.
2006-10-15 03:25:52 · answer #2 · answered by The Mole 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think he has just realised what he has lost. Don't go back on your past. If it didn't work the first time, it is not going to work the second time.
Also he does not sound like a nice person. I know we all make mistakes, but he did his knowingly and to the people he should love the most, therefore should have protected from hurt and pain, not inflicted it.
Which brings me to the next point. Do your children really need a role model like that? If you take him back you are endorsing to your children that it is ok for people (women) to be treated in this
My sons father left me when I was 6 months pregnant, and still has not seen his son. He left me for another woman, whilst promising me the world. I would not stop him being a father (if he choose to) but I would never entertain the idea of him as a life partner again, because I am worth more than that, and I do not want my son thinking that it is ok to treat someone like that.
Bottom line, I do not know you, however I am sure you deserve better than some dipstick who cannot keep his pencil in his pocket. He has proven himself to be a liar who cares nothing for the feelings of those he supposedly loved. He is a man with no back bone. You should get on with your new life, and maybe your ex will learn a lesson and become a better person.
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
Good luck and stay strong!
2006-10-15 03:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by Marlene 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't be a doormat and used by this man again, have some sense.girl. Don't you think he's maybe wanting to come back because his other relationship if over and the poor sod is feeling a bit lonely now and has to do all his own cleaning and cook his own meals, and he may be feeling a bit left out especially now your with someone else so he's trying to win your heart again.
Remember you broke up for a reason! that being he didn't love and respect you the same so much, and he's said no on several occasions when you had asked him to come back! so what did that tell you then? and now your considering taking him back....what on earth for? especially when you've managed to keep you and your kids together whilst he's been away so why the concern now?
Don't be a mug anymore for this man cos he just isn't worth it, even although you still have some feelings for this man , you should recognise its more feelings based on sentiment and nostalgia and face the hard fact, that if he really did love you he would have never had an affair in the first place.
2006-10-15 13:07:41 · answer #4 · answered by snogger18 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Tell that a**hole if he feels like a part time dad it's his own fault! No you shouldn't take him back! Me and my ex split up 3 differant times over that crap, it took me a while but I learnt my lesson! You need to move on with your life for your children's sake! Do you want them to grow up and think that it's okay to behave the way he has? And it's not fair to you either! Someday you will meet the right man and you will look back and wonder why you are even considering this! I'm happy I didn't let mine come back the last time he asked! I met someone who is a wonderful father figure to my daughter! It sucked in the begining, I worked 3 jobs to save the money to buy my own house and make ends meet, but I would do it all over again.
2006-10-18 18:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by *~BETHY~* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-10 17:09:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a spouse and father isn't a part time job. It also isn't something you can dabble in. You either do the job, or you abdigate your responsibilities. There is no middle ground. He left. To decide to return home after 3 years is silly. The marriage, and parental relationship IS dead. Since you've found somebody new, simply ignore hubby's idea of getting back with you, and continue seeing the new guy. You and the children have gotten along without hubby all this time, so let him stay alone in his flat. His wishes and desires are immaterial.
2006-10-15 03:21:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a very sad situation. I feel so sorry for you in that you have so little self esteem. Don't be offended by that, it isn't meant as a slur. You sound like a very lovely person.
Your ex on the other hand is a selfish, adulterous, dirt bag.
You know this already, so my saying it doesn't come as a shock.
He is aware that you have met someone else and now realises that he doesn't have the upper hand any more. Now he is using your good nature and forgiving heart against you to prevent you from finding happiness with someone else.
Definitely, DO NOT allow him back. He WILL break your heart again.
Try to be strong and live your life for you and your children. He deserves no sympathy and you most certainly owe him nothing.
What a shame. I truly hope you find love elsewhere and can get rid of this leech from your life.
2006-10-15 03:13:53 · answer #8 · answered by letem haveit 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Wow! This is very complicated. It's really hard to let go, especially when you love someone. I know you feel deserted, believe me I do, but this is your family. It all boils down to if you think like every other woman. "If he cheats once he'll cheat again." I don't think that way. My husband cheated on me while I was six months pregnant and then left me. All women know how vulnerable you are when you are with child. It's hard, especially to just put your crushed feelings to the side and be strong for your children. I say take your man back girl! If it wasn't meant to be he would have stayed gone. That's the difference between men and women. Men think with their little heads and women think with their hearts. Follow your heart! If it leads you to your husband, then that's where your heart has been all along. If it leads you elsewhere, he'll just have to understand. Be strong! It's obvious that your husband realizes what he has done. What's better, a happy family, or revenge on your husband? Only you can make that decision.
2006-10-15 03:14:24 · answer #9 · answered by Nessy 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No... you've given him plenty of opportunity and now that you are no longer "available" he is suddenly interested? If he wants to be more than a "part-time" dad tell him that he can start by having the kids over to his flat...overnight...
You will always have feelings for him cuz he is the father of your children... but that doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your happiness for a man who can't seem to make up his mind... or worse, wants a wife AND be able to "fool around."
You and your children seem to have adjusted to his absence. Think of what it would put the kids through if he left again... and honey, he will. It is now an option in his mind... "Oh, I can leave, do what I want, and she'll take me back." Show him that you CAN and WILL live life without him!!
2006-10-15 03:09:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, 41 answers...you have a LOT of advice already so mine won't be anything new to hear.
First of all, why do you want to go back to someone who cheated on you, left you and your children for another woman and doesn't know what he wants?
Do you want to get back with him because you both have children together and would like to raise them together? Or do you think that by getting back together, you can simply pretend that whatever happened in the past now doesn't exist?
The reason I am saying all this is because you need to think about the situation. When he came back home the first time, he was still with the same woman he left you for. Then he left again and ended up living on his own - perhaps he cheated on his girlfriend and she dumped him. I don't know that. But when you did ask him during those times to come back, HE DIDN'T! Now he wants to come back with the excuse that he doesn't want to be a part time dad anymore. First of all, did he EVER think of his children when he left the mother of his children for another woman? Did he ever think about you? Apparently not. It sounds to me like he is still confused about what he wants in his life.
It's been 3 years, and you have moved on because you found someone else. Do you think he wants to be with you again because he knows you are with another man and is jealous that perhaps this man may make your children forget their father? That could be it. Did your husband tell you that he loves you and wants to get back with you? Not "I still have feelings for you." If he still had feelings for you, he would've stayed with you and never cheated.
It's up to you. If you want to take him back simply for the kids, go ahead. But was he there for his children? Did he pay any type of child support while you were seperated?
Plus, he cheated on you once. What's to say he won't do it again and hurt you once more?
You two can always talk to a marriage therapist or go to concilation and figure out what to do to save the marriage. However, I would argue that you should not take him back because of what he did. You also met someone else now, and it's better to try to get out of the situation with your husband only because of how he has treated you and your children. I know your children shouldn't be deprived of their father, but he should've done something in the past 2 years to be with them full time. He didn't. He's using that as an excuse.
Good luck with this.....and I hope things work out in the end, if not with him, then with you and your children.
2006-10-15 03:36:46 · answer #11 · answered by Asia 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋