(Now i have heard that most women he HAS dated say he is verbally abusive....Now he just says..."NO, i am not. I am a realist..." But it is still abuse.... anyway, one day he is nice to me...the next time he criticizes me and says rude things to hurt me....since he is my ONLY BROTHER....is it best fpr me to A.) stay away from him...cuz he is hurting me whether he realizes it or not...B.) only keep in contact once in a while ...or the least as possible...C.) stay away....until he "gets it"...which will be never...tell me which one you think is best for me to do...and thank you...I am the sensitive type...(which he makes fun of also)...to save face my sister-in-law divorced him due to verbal abuse...BUT tells others ...we got a mutual divorce...it just didn't work out anymore to save face..(.You know how some people are.)...they just love the dirt...it is sad.....
2006-10-15 03:00:14 · 25 answers · asked by sweet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I say, go with B. He's got issues and will likely have them until he gets hurt by them which may not be likely to happen.
2006-10-15 03:02:40 · answer #1 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really too bad.
You need to have a calm talk with your brother about this and told him how much he is hurting you, and you need to tell him that you want him to stop making hurtful comments. Don't be angry in this conversation and don't threaten to go away. Then see if he tries. He might not get it right every time, but see if he tries.
Then you have a decision to make. You deserve to be happy and if he is making you feel bad it is only natural to want to stay away. I wouldn't make a big deal about it, for example, I wouldn't announce to your mom that you won't attend the family Christmas party because brother will be there. I would just quietly find out the plans and then arrange to see the family on a different day, say, Christmas eve. Quietly.
No matter what, you will probably have to see him sometime, but you can limit the contact and protect your feelings until he changes his ways.
Just know that you will probably be giving up that relationship and you might make others in your family mad at you, too. It's a judgement call -- are the things he says causing you so much hurt that it's worth it to eliminate that relationship and possibly others? Forget about what you "should" do, what will enable you to live a happier, more confident life?
2006-10-15 03:16:12 · answer #2 · answered by bugnscout 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Family is family.. I don't think you should cut off all contact. The first thing you need to do is talk to him and explain how he makes you feel and tell him what you expect of him. He may not even realize what he's doing. He may be overly aggressive because he's older and still feels the need to "protect" you, so to speak. If he doesn't change after you discuss this with him, then I'd go with option B. It's not fair for you to stay around someone who hurts you, but at the same time he is family. There is nothing more sad than family who don't ever see each other because they can't work things out. Only keep in contact with him once in awhile when there will be other people around... such as holidays.
2006-10-15 03:14:43 · answer #3 · answered by deepwaters05 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Verbal abuse is as bad if not worse that physical abuse.
At first I would tell him that weather he realizes it or not he hurts you with his words and if that does not help then tell him you no longer want anything to do with him until he can speak to you as a human not to mention sibling.
At first he may be a jerk about it because people do not like to hear there faults but sooner or later he will figure it out.
I have found that people who are mentally and physically abusive are that way because they are not happy people and they lash out anyway they can to make themselves look and feel better.
Hang in there and remember you are better than him simply because you see the hurt he causes and are willing to reach out to help yourself.
Good Luck And God Bless.
2006-10-16 07:36:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's your brother and of course you love him, but if he treats you this way, why take it? He has to realize he has a problem and work on it. No one can help him until he gets through that part. I wouldn't say to completely cut him out of your life, but keeping distance may be the best thing for YOUR sanity. Keep in contact once in a while...maybe that will get to him and he'll realize that he's affecting the relationship he has with his younger sibling. Hope he changes for the better.
Good Luck.
2006-10-15 03:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by makeitclap23 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a brother 10 years older than me also. He thinks he is the protector and knows everything. He is 54 and I am 44. I told him that I am not a kid anymore and must be doing something right since he is on his 4th marriage and I am not! haha Anyway, he got the idea and we talk maybe four times a year. We get along, but it is better if we just keep in touch occasionally.
2006-10-15 03:03:47 · answer #6 · answered by tko43078 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
choose C. Brother or not, you don't deserve to put up with any kind of abuse. By letting him talk to you like that, and not doing anything, you are saying it is acceptable. You can be a realist too if you like. Tell him that, life really is too short to waste your time letting people antagonize you! You have better things to do.Tell him to give you a call when he can act like an adult.
2006-10-15 03:48:18 · answer #7 · answered by tonka 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Treat the abuse like an unwanted gift. Next time he starts in, ask him this.
If you give a gift to someone and they refuse it, then to whom does it belong. When he says something like "Then it's still mine." You reply, "Then I refuse to accept your gift of rudeness and hurtful behavior, so , you can keep it for yourself." If he says it still belongs to the person it was given to, then you say "Fine. I will put your gift of rudeness and hurtful behavior where it belongs - in the trash."
Then you walk away and don't look back. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to let them get away with rudeness. Let him know he is not welcome in your life until he can show you the respect and consideration you deserve and that he demands for himself! Then stick to it. Be pleasant at family gatherings but be aloof and if he starts in, just walk away and refuse to respond.
It might take awhile but he might eventually grow up and realize his idea of "realism" is just selfish desire to bring others down so he doesn't have to put any effort into trying to live up to those better than him!
2006-10-15 03:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by Shadow Dancer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He probably just says mean things because those are his insecurities. You said he makes fun of you being sensitive it could mean that he's sensitive too but he's just covering it up by being mean. So I think I would pick B. I have an annoying step brother and as soon as I move out I'm defintly doing that.
2006-10-15 03:06:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds like a lot of hard work.Nobody should be abused. Option C is best. When he eventually calls you tell him your concerns and that until he tries to change you dont want contact. Good luck
2006-10-15 03:04:28 · answer #10 · answered by marcus p 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's your brother, all you can do is love him. Let him know that he hurts you. But stay in his life, because if he's that bad he will need someone to be there one day if and when he wakes up. And little sisters can warm even the coldest of hearts. Good Luck. )o(
2006-10-15 03:08:08 · answer #11 · answered by Witchy Woman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋