Should I forgive my husband and friend?

Question

My husband went to a strip club behind my back and exchanged emails with a stripper to supposedly invite her to poker tournaments. They started emailing eachother and then she and her husband started getting into our inner circle of friends. Then, she started babysitting our infant.
Then, one day I found nude pictures of the stripper in my husbands email box(2 years later).
I confronted him about this and he doesn't think what he did was that wrong? I had no idea about any of this. They swear nothing sexual happened. they said they just playfully flirted with one another and they have both apologized. I don't know what to think of all this and to top things off, my best friend is also my hubby's best friend and she knew about alot of this stuff and didn't tell me b/c she didn't want to get in the middle of it. I don't know whether to forgive my husband and/ or my supposed best friend. What do you think????

Answer 1

This is a tough one but this much time has gone by. You should forgive but not forget. Keep your eyes and ears wide open.It may not be nothing to it but then again they maybe a little more than friends.

Answer 2

I would be very upset with my friend first for not telling me and then my husband for being a jerk ..
You can't get upset at someone who takes their clothes off for anyone... They obviously don't care about anyone's feelings...
Whether it is a job or not, does not make her behaviour with your husband right.
Any man who keeps shots of nude women who are in their circle of friends that they socialize with, has a real problem..
I wouldn't be able to trust what either one of them has said.
Get to your doc and have a test done.......don't wait.
Don't be the hardest on her tho, remember your husband is supposed to have a moral obligation to you... he was a willing participant... Your husband has alot of apologizing to do and will have to try to earn your trust again... Look at his past behaviour, if this is the first time, ok, but if those red flags have been flying for a while, then you had better take a closer look at what you are involved in...
By the way, a best friend doesn't spare you from this behaviour... they tell you the truth, no matter how much it hurts...
They have a moral obligation to you no matter what!!!!!! When the info comes from a best friend you can console each other and also know it is the truth.....
It sounds like you need to re-examine that friendship........
I think I would cut all my ties with the stripper and her husband... It is not healthy..
It makes me wonder how many other relationships she has dirtied......

Answer 3

If your best friend came to you and told you, would you have believed her? Cases like that I've seen, the person being told gets mad at the person telling because they don't believe them, or they didn't tell them soon enough or something. Especially if the wife doesn't think there's anything going on. Some think that it's none of their business too, they wait until the worst happens and then wait to be the friend that you'll need to get you through it. Actually, your friend was minding her own business, which most people want others to do. Forgive your friend and try to appreciate the situation she was in. As to what to do with your husband....that's up to you. Do what you feel in your heart and when you do anything know that it's the right thing for you to do because of the relationship you have with your husband, not because someone you don't know gave you advice. Good luck and don't forget to pray.

Answer 4

Once again, your husband has run the risk many other husbands run, and that is that they run the risk of losing their spouse. If you are on line or are e-mailing someone of the opposite sex and you wouldn't want your spouse to see or read, chances are, you are doing something you have no business doing. We as partners tend to act first, and think later. I'm learning to think first, and act later. Your husband should've put himself in your shoes for a moment and think about how he would feel if he found nude photos of a male stripper in your e-mailbox. I would run the gambit and say that he wouldn't like it. As far as forgiveness goes, you can always forgive, but you never forget. You will now begin to imagine things that may not be there because of this thing that was there and you had no clue. Don't be blind-sided.

Answer 5

First of all it was not your friend's responsibility to confront you on this. There is no reason she should have voluntarily involved herself into a problem that involves yourself and your husband. Now on the other hand, should you forgive your husband?!?! Well if it took you two years to find out about this what else has he done that you haven't found out about yet?? I would not forgive him. He broke your trust obviously and once trust is lost is is almost never regained. Your relationship will never be the same. But do what you feel is right. Good luck with everything.

Answer 6

no don't forgive your husband just yet you may find out that there was more going on than you know an then any kind of flirtation on his part is just wrong an if he didn't think it was wrong why did he keep it from you as far as your friend i can understand not want to be the middle man in the situation but if she knew she should have talk to him being he already shared this with her and told him he was wrong

Answer 7

Your husband clearly and knowingly violated the intimacy of your relationship. Why else the need to conceal his actions from you. This is not like hiding a birthday surprise. The apology doesn't bear a lot of weight inasmuch as it comes after you confronted him about it. Their denial, likewise, means little and misses the point; the violation of the intimacy of your marriage is not dependant upon him completing a long string of conditions, to wit:
1. actually meeting in person (denial: it was over the internet/phone)
2. getting disrobed (denial: I still had one sock on.)
3. getting in bed (denial: it was on the ...)
4. having unprotected sex (denial: I used a rubber.)
5. getting her pregnant (denial: etc, etc.)

As for forgiving him, what is there to persuade you that he is sincere and will not repeat such behavior?

Answer 8

This is the problem with most marriages, husband are afraid to be honest and tell you they have a friend etc... becasue you'd get upset. And your best friend is even afraid to talk to you, lighten up a little. Non confrontational communication is the only way a relationship can survive.

Answer 9

I disagree with Wthing's answer to you.
You didn't ask "How do I keep my husband". Instead you asked "Should I forgive my husband?". Yes, you should forgive him, mostly because carrying around an unforgiven resentment does damage to YOU. Forgiving him does not necessarily imply that you should continue your marriage with him. Only you know that. His behaviors, as you describe them ran a full assault on your base of trust. If I were you, I'd think seriously of leaving him. Short of that, I'd insist on couple's counseling. His incident with the dancer says much about who he is - the incident notwithstanding.
As to your friend, I understand her position. I don't agree with it, but I do understand it. Forgiving her will be an enormous act of maturity on your part.

Answer 10

Yes, forgive him. That's very different from trusting him. He needs to earn your trust back and you should help him understand what it will take for him to achieve that. Forgiveness is for you, not for him. Don't hold a grudge, it hurts you and dimishes the quality of your life. If he can't or won't earn your trust back, I suggust you get out of that relationship. Otherwise it most likely will be a repeat of the wrongs that he has done to you and your relationship previously. Good luck.