He helped me leave my ex whom I no longer loved, and lets me live in a house he owns. He won't let me pay him rent, financially this helps as I have very little money, but even a token amount would make me feel better. He's married and flirts with me outragiously then backs off. He knows I have feelings for him, but he's never attempted to take things further. What does he want from me?
2006-10-15 00:48:33 · 19 answers · asked by F 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't live with him and his family, he bought a house for me to live in. I understood I'd be paying the rent, but so far he hasn't let me.
2006-10-15 01:24:43 · update #1
He wants to know that he is still sexually attractive to women. By flirting with you, he gets a reassuring positive response. He backs off, because he is married, of course. His relationship is more important than a casual affair with you. He'd like to have you, but he'd hate to get caught out by his wife, and lose his domestic security. Like how would he explain the additional absences from home, or his reduced sexual activity with his wife?
Now that you understand that, you have to decide what you want to do. If you want him to be your lover, then be open and discuss it with him. Just say: "Dave, I want you to know that I am very grateful to you, and sexually available to you. I know that this could cause problems at home, but I think that we can discuss ways to keep our affair secret from your wife, and thus preserve your marriage". He may be shocked at first, though not necessarily. Even if he is, he will pluck up courage and see you, because the opportunity is too good for him to resist.
This may not work if his name is not Dave.
2006-10-15 00:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by ♫ Rum Rhythms ♫ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off taking in your friend in a time of need is admirable, I would do the same thing and my wife woould insist that i did. Not everyone in the world expects something in return. As far as the flirting goes its very possible that he is doing it to help maintain your self esteem, people going thru a marriage breakup often feel down on themselves, so there is nothing wrong with a little flirt to let them know that they are still attractive. As long as that is all that happens and he acts the same when wifey is around as he does when shes not, theres nothing to worry about. Just be careful that things dont get out of hand.
2006-10-15 08:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is working his way up to what he truly wants. If he hasn't asked for sex, then the mistress thing is out. But it sounds like he wants you indebted to him for some reason. Perhaps, you boost his ego. Or maybe he is just a nice person trying to help someone out. You know him and if you look deep enough, you'll find the answer that you are seeking. If not, then, just ask him what's up. You'll be surprised at how directness works. Good luck!
2006-10-15 07:52:42 · answer #3 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that he has feelings for you but is not yet ready to take things to the next level. i also think you should ask him straight out why he does not want rent? does his wife know that you are living in the house and not paying rent? i seriously think that you need to have talk to him and tell each other how you both are feeling.
2006-10-15 08:48:07 · answer #4 · answered by majjenta010 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very strange situation, nothing in life is free, he has some motive here. Does his wife know you are living in his home for free? And I would do my best to get myself together and move so it doesn't in the long run cost you more than you are willing to give. Good luck and God bless.
2006-10-15 07:55:57 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to play around with you, he's not serious. Otherwise, he shud be charging the rent. He wants to 'use' you. If you have any self-esteem and other circumstances are ok (you know the money, etc.), try to leave that place. I do'nt think it will work in the long term.
2006-10-15 07:53:18 · answer #6 · answered by easyboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whao!it's so hot in here, wat do u want from him? Thnk of the damage it will do to his family, if things get out of hands,u dont owe him for helping u out with ur ex,so dnt let ur guards down when he flirts wth u, keep ur heads straight and go on living u'll soon meet ur choice partner but not this way.Talk to him abt it and draw the lines,define the boundries, all the best.
2006-10-15 07:53:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's more than likely attracted to you. He is possibly trying to do right by you. However it sounds like you are disappointed he hasn't tried anything. You might want to put some distance because . . . well you might get hurt. I mean with having feelings for him. He might not have the same feelings for you. And you don't want to be the one to wreck a marriage.... I mean you wouldn't want it done to you....
Good luck
2006-10-15 08:07:43 · answer #8 · answered by ash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its time to take action girl.if u so strongly feel like a mistress and dont like it,do something about it.get a better job,search for a shared apartment and move out of his house.he's just playing.he wants u to give in so that later u cant accuse him of making a move.dont break a home.u just got out of a mess dont dive into another.
2006-10-15 08:09:38 · answer #9 · answered by archie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont look a gift horse in the mouth sweetheart...if he wont allow you to pay rent then just see it as a nice gesture, he did help you get out of your marriage, so be thankful, as far as the flirting goes, just ask him nicely to stop it, unless you want him to.....but remember, he's married,
2006-10-15 09:43:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋