I just found out that my husband has for the past 2 months been paying a monthly fee for all the uncensored porn he can watch over the internet. We don't have the best sex life in the world and he's had a few problems performing lately. I am so disgusted and I'm having nightmares about the horrible graphic images that filled the screen when I accidentally went to it. I'm not sure I can even talk about it with him because I'm so upset that I'll say a lot of regrettable things. What should I do?
2006-10-14 20:45:11 · 17 answers · asked by Raerae 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ALL porn is graphic and sick stupid
2006-10-14 20:52:49 · answer #1 · answered by Daniel 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I've been in that situation. I was with my husband for 8 years with 2 kids. We weren't having the best sex life either, because I was breast feeding. My baby would sleep in the room with us. Anyway he would watch porn. It bothered me, but I didn't say anything. One day I checked his messages on his cell phone. I'm not sure what made me do it, but there was a girl leaving him a message saying she would see him later and another message from his friend talking about him being at the girls house earlier that day. He was working out of state, so I felt helpless. When I asked him about it the next morning when he finally turned his cell phone back on he denied it. My point is to this long story is. I believe there is a 7 or for us an 8 year itch. You need to tell your husband how you feel. Make time for you guys to go out to dinner or a movie 1-2 times a month. Tell him how much you love him. Try to have sex at least 2 times a week. That's what I would do. When and if I get married again I will make sure to share all my feelings and there will be no porn. Good Luck
2006-10-14 20:59:55 · answer #2 · answered by SS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to gear up and talk about this with him. First off, yes, it is normal for men to like to look at images of women. Women are beautiful. Now if he is looking at some very graphic or degrading images then he may have a fetish, or a serious problem. I would approach it like this. I would ask how he was feeling about your sexual relationship and if the people on the internet were doing things that he was afraid to approach you about trying. Depending on his answer you might get a better understanding of his needs. From my point of view if things are good between the two of you he should not seek out porn on the internet. I find it disrespectful to you. You will no doubt get some people responding to your question that will tell you that it is normal for a man to look at porn, the thing is that it is addictive and eventually the softcore images no longer provide arousal and people then gravitate towards hardcore to find stimulaization. Your husbands trouble performing could be the result of his exposure to the porn. He may have conditioned his brain to respond to graphic sex acts and is now having trouble responding to normal marital relations. This is a big problem, especially because he is paying for it. It is one thing to once in a while check out some kind of free pictures, but to actually commit money to it... I don't think my cahones are that big! The only way to resolve this is to talk with him so that he can get help or the two of you can work together to make things right. Check the web, there were stories just today about famous Country singer Sara Evans divorcing her husband of 12 years in part because of internet sex habits... Maybe your husband can take a note or two... Good Luck.
2006-10-14 21:16:44 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to decide if its something you can live with him watching or not. Is it normal? It's normal for all ppl men/women to watch porn. Graphic, disgusting, porn...its in the eye of the beholder really....illegal porn is a different story. If its something that is illegal it is def not normal...if its just something you find disgusting remember he may not...and decide if its something you can handle. Def talk to him, and have an open mind...its entirely possible that he is upset about his current sex life/performance issues and he is able to be aroused by looking at what is not normal and being reminded that he could be a lot worse off and be one of those ppl. It might also be that those are his fantasies...at which time it would be helpful for you to know if those are and if so are those things he wants to do or just things he wants to see...there is a difference in men...not everything we fantasize about we really want to do/try. I say keep the communication and mind open and see what he says and then make your decision about it. However if its illegal help him get the help he needs to correct those urges, before he acts and hurts someone.
2006-10-14 20:52:20 · answer #4 · answered by cpt_rose 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not sure what you consider horrible and graphic? I personally don't see a problem with a man or woman for that matter viewing porn. If it is absolutely something that you can not join in with him as a couple and if you can not accept the fact that he does this then I guess you'll have to make him choose between the two of you. Although, I don't see any reason to do that. At least hes not out there fulfilling sexual fantasies with strange woman.
2006-10-14 20:49:40 · answer #5 · answered by lilmisstickletoo 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
some adult men do watch porn. My husband would not like it, yet my brother in regulation he watches it and my sisters high-quality with it. possibly your mom does know. I advise hes in simple terms staring at it on line top thats not cheating. I dont see any could desire to provide help to recognize mom. I advise if he have been speaking, assembly, cheating then yea thats the time to tell. believe me some years in the past as quickly as I nevertheless lived w/my mothers and dads at abode Ive found magazines and that i never instructed my mom. One because of the fact I couldnt say mom i found dads porn lol and 2 because of the fact its not something.
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2006-10-15 15:01:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
im married have been for 2 yrs. my husband saves videos and pictures on his computer from internet porn. its over the internet its not like hes bringing these woman home. i watch graphic porn with my husband and alone as well. its healthy and maybe hes trying to find out some new tricks of the trade as positions are created all the time to bring into the bedroom. be honest and tell him you saw it and your married there should be no secrets. it relly shouldnt bother you as its no different than watching the news on the net seeing ppl dieing every where. you may feel hurt as i do some times b/c some of these woman are so gorgouse. but thats called air brush and editing. youve been married for 8 yrs is it worth throwing it all away for some stupid porn on the net.
2006-10-14 20:59:15 · answer #9 · answered by evilella 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well not that I really want to know what it was but I guess it depends on what you define as "sick" some women define almost any type of porn as sick now if its something like child porn thats definitely not normal but even things like anal, or multiple partners are pretty normal. Its just a fantasy and I wouldn't take it personally I think alot of girls get jealous thinking that their guy wants to be with the girl in the porno and (I'm not a guy but from what I've heard from friends) they are really just thinking about doing that with you.
2006-10-14 20:57:19 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah S 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
get over it - why do you women have such a problem with porn? It does sound like he's having problems and is trying to replace real sex with the porn. You really need to talk and discuss this in a non-judgemental way.
2006-10-14 22:29:16 · answer #11 · answered by bad_bob_69 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋