I have been married 5 years and hate myself and anything to do with my body image. I just dont believe it if my husband says he loves me when I feel like a disgusting pig while we are intimate... (I was 130lbs, athletic, and 5'7" now I am over 200lbs)
2006-10-14 20:13:08 · 21 answers · asked by Jessy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he doesn't have a problem with you gaining weight why bother. As long as you are happy that's fine, rather than skinny but look miserable.
2006-10-14 20:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by Arianne 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband loves you and says so. If you continue to disbelieve him, he will eventually find somenone else who will. Of course you will then blame this on your weight and accuse him of being a jerk for not loving you just the way you are... when in fact he does and keeps telling you. So he is in a lose-lose situation.
Now.. to be the unpopular one in this question and answer forum... I don't think it's fair of anyone to meet someone at a normal weight and then over time balloon up to what is considered obese. Specially when we have good healthy choices for food at our finger tips and a gym on every corner.
If he met you at 200 pounds and you are still 200 pounds then hey .. more power to you. But you were 130 pounds.. THAT'S what he married and it's what he should still be married to today (give or take a few pounds because as we age, our weight changes and shifts.)
Yes, in a perfect world love is blind.. but this world is not perfect. If you were athletic and slim 5 years ago.. then there is a good chance medically you are OK, and just making bad food choices and no longer being athletic. But it wouldn't be a bad idea to get checked out.
Stop beating yourself up and hating who you think you've become, burn that energy on the treadmil and get your life back. If you feel like you are a disgusting pig.. then don't keep returning to the fridge, stop going through the drive through, stop eating past 6pm, stop eating when you aren't hungry.. get off the couch and drink more water. And most of all.. stop hating yourself.. and get some help.
And sorry but no I don't think husbands or wives should love their spouses no matter what. If the man I married went from 170 pounds to over 300 we'd have to talk...
2006-10-15 03:37:17 · answer #2 · answered by D F 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you feel bad about your body image, why not go on diet or join a gym. I think your husband will love going with you to the gym if he said he loves you...
As for beleiving what he said, well, did he show any signs? Like huge for no reason... A kiss from time to time and not in bed... Did he help you out when you are stress out??? If yes, well, he does really love you. some people love a person not because of physical appearance. He might fall in love with the 130lbs, but he grows to love the 200lbs. I have and if it ever happens again, I WILL
2006-10-15 03:30:33 · answer #3 · answered by tdbhc33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realize that u are projecting your own feelings and insecurities unto your husband and thinking that he doesn't love u anymore because your weight has changed. This is YOUR reality, not his and unless u do something to make yourself feel better about u, no amount of assurance from your husband is going to convince u otherwise.
I believe he loves u for who u are, not your weight. But u can't see past that because u are so consumed with your body image that u fail to realize that your weight doesn't matter to him. Remember, it is not anyone else's job to make u feel good about yourself. That is your job and u have the choice to do something about it.
2006-10-15 03:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you lack confidence in yourself. If the weight issue is really getting to you so much, then go and get it fixed. Eat healthy and less, and go hit the gym (preferably with hubby). Seems like your hubby is fine with your weight, but you are not. There's no other way to get around it then if you can't pacify yourself to feel good about it. Lose it!
Although seriously, your hubby sounds like a wonderful man who loves you lots. You oughta stop doubting him when he says he loves you. It will give him a lot of stress. Imagine if your hubby gets fat or loses his hair, and you tell him you still love him but he doesn't believe you...how would you feel? Probably upset and stressed, especially if you just want him happy.
Meanwhile, while you are trying to lose the fats, focus on something else that you love about yourself. Is it your nice teeth? Your personality? Something that people praise you about. Focus in on that and polish that to a shine. You must be someone amazing for your husband to love you still even when your body size has shot up! Ask your hubby what it is...maybe it'll give you something to smile about..
2006-10-15 03:27:36 · answer #5 · answered by Freelove 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know what I'm feeling the same way. I gained a bit of weight these past couple of weeks but I know that my hubby still loves me as you should know that your hubby loves you. I don't think you should put yourself down, its not going to accomplish anything.
But I have made a commitment to exercise and eat healthier not just for my husband so he can be more attracted to me but for myself. If you set goals, you won't feel as depressed and unhappy because its the worst feeling to hate your body.
You need a lifestyle change, but goodluck anyway.
2006-10-15 03:26:33 · answer #6 · answered by Melissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loving someone is much more that what package they come in. He loves you for you. Have you talked to him? I suggest attempting to lose weight only because of how you feel about yourself. Feeling crappy about yourself affects all aspects of your life negatively. I have always battled weight and I am 5'6 and got down to 125lbs and kept it off for 8 years. Then I had a baby and gained a lot and lost much of it...but it left me with 20 extra lbs. and have tried for the past two years to get the weight off. I am self concious about it as well, and my husband says he doesn't care...but I do so I have to figure out a way to do it....for myself.
Talk to your husband. Maybe you two could even join a gym together and it would make you both feel good sepnding time together ... and you'll know you are doing something positive for your self esteem.
2006-10-15 03:23:42 · answer #7 · answered by brat789456 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know how you feel, when my husband and I were married six yrs. ago I weighted about 125lb. and now I'm over 180lb. I know it's up to me if I want to lose it or not but just as so many other things in life, it's easier said than done. My husband tells me he loves me no matter what size I am. It still bothers me but I also believe that no matter the size of the person, it doesn't change the kind of person they are. Our society is so one sided about the human body. But the expression big and beautiful is just as true as thin and sexy.
2006-10-15 03:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe, but it depends on the kind of guy he is. he fell in love w/the slim you because you were his type and now that you're overweight, he might have tendencies to want to cheat w/his slim fantasy girl. on the other hand, he could be an honest guy w/a good heart. i think you should exercises and avoid future health problems. you'll feel better about yourself and your sex life will regain the passion it probably lost. he'll love your tight body again. sex will get boring for him after a while, so just keep that in mind if you want to keep the relationship. an independent woman always attracts men.
2006-10-15 04:13:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girl i know where your coming from...120 to 170 in three years....I to feel like a fat pig...I take meds that ballooned me up and quick...I plan on doing something about this and not for my hubby, but my back is killing me...One good thing that i hope i dont lose...my boobs are awesome LOL better than surgery LOL I dont want to lose them... So to make yourself feel better, try changing your diet and start walking, even if you go to the mall and walk around, thats what i do, heck to much traffic where i live....Good luck one chunky wife to another :)
2006-10-15 03:36:31 · answer #10 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋