in the end
by chad sharpe
in the end when the sky shatters and devil batters at ur door and life and love is no more when black is the sky when god himself will cry when pain is gone blown n2 eternity shot n2 oblivion when war and love are cast n2 the fires where our deepest desires lay when night becomes the quaking day in the hours of long shadow in the minutes of short light o wont that be such a sight in the end will ther b good or evil stand in days o naught when time has been bought will deaths glare stand alone like a dog without a bone where etirnity once stood and light once shone will man still be known will our name echo in the void or fall short struck down by the clear in the pitts of our fear no dark no lite no wars and fite and pai but no love and no hell but no heaven above in the end who will be what will we c in clearness of the void
2006-10-14 19:36:59 · 13 answers · asked by Gundead Grimm the War Dog 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
As spoken word poetry, where the writer knows which lines break where, it might have a lot to say. As a run on paragraph, ... , hmmm, it is dificult and a little confusing.
Poetry is creating art from language. Spoken and written language are different things. So, if it works as spoken, perhaps you can try to find a way to make it work as written.
2006-10-14 20:42:11 · answer #1 · answered by Longshiren 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's got potential, although the paragraph format and lack of punctuation made it a bit hard for me to find the rhythm. You might try breaking it up a bit... like this, maybe?
In the end, when the sky shatters
And devil batters at your door,
And life and love is no more.
But, it's your poem, do with it as you will. Like I said, it's got potential.
2006-10-15 02:49:09 · answer #2 · answered by xxandra 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's got potential. :) You probably already know you didnt write it out in the appropriate form, but it really does flow better when you have it in the appropriate stance. Other than that your good, just perfect it a bit more.
2006-10-15 16:33:42 · answer #3 · answered by LaDyLuCk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, good. Better, if the spelling is correct. Keep it up!
2006-10-15 02:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like prose to me, but yes, it is pretty spectacular. =)
2006-10-15 03:35:26 · answer #5 · answered by boo! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, tis very good.
2006-10-15 04:11:00 · answer #6 · answered by Marco A. J. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very interesting, yes
2006-10-15 02:41:39 · answer #7 · answered by owlpostforever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is very good, very descriptive, and articulate.
2006-10-15 02:38:54 · answer #8 · answered by lookn_4_laffs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes is good
2006-10-15 02:38:32 · answer #9 · answered by Gorjust 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love it.
2006-10-15 02:40:53 · answer #10 · answered by B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋