We are more than late night early morning conversation
My thoughts of you occupy my mind, hourly occupation
Through frustration I sit wondering when will I embrace Me
The distance to you is long, wishing the travel was free
How can this be? A romance found in cyber space
Why should it be? That I have to patiently wait to see your face
I’m consumed with eagerness; your words bring me closer
I know some don’t believe in this; till their heart is an imposer
Overcome by hope in love, overrun but I chose this cup
They say it come from above, but its in me, in my blood
Till the day I’m on my knees, thanking God for what’s before me
Will I stay, unquestionably. Sinking deeper into an abyss of l-o-v-e
Think I found my soul mate? Nope, we are more than that
I am a god and she’s a goddess, to our home the universe is a mere door mat
All of our thoughts and dreams manifested and come to us so simply
Its us as one, Me and Me aka Mindi
2006-10-14 18:10:28 · 7 answers · asked by INFINITE CONSCIOUSNESS 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
A good poem, a challenge though: delve deeper and risk losing the rhyme, sometimes this yields to unexpected impact
2006-10-14 18:18:36 · answer #1 · answered by Joely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poem itself has a meaningful base and it's somewhat deep and emotional, but I would work a little on the flow of your writing. Some of the rhymes seem a little awkward, but it still sounds very good. With a few revisions, it could be even better.
2006-10-15 01:21:16 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay, try writing with a bit more passion, more, im not sayin start writing with passion, im saying use more of it. It sounds as if its almost all about you.
Don't take this the wrong way, its constructive critisizm. same with other ppl, have fun with your poetry, i write it too, so, just write what you feel like and follow your heart
2006-10-15 01:16:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite touching. Many people will relate to your feelings. Only suggestion I have is maybe make stanza breaks and watch there is no rhymning.
2006-10-15 01:15:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow!!! u are a very great poet!! hope you would do more poems and i would be glad to read it!!! i can actually relate 2 ur poem and d meaning of the poem is very deep!! keep up the gud work
2006-10-15 01:16:06 · answer #5 · answered by hi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is nice.Good luck and be safe.God Bless
2006-10-15 01:48:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice.
Space it out some.
2006-10-15 01:17:49 · answer #7 · answered by Harvie Ruth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋