Have you noticed all the questions here related to unhappy marriages and divorce?

Question

Just curious: How many of those in arranged marriages are truly happy with their partners, and have managed to fall in love?
How many of those in arranged marriages do not believe that "happiness" or "love" in the marriage is important?
How many in arranged marriage would define "happiness" or "love" differently, in the context of an arranged marriage?
I'm wondering. I'm about to do a "love" marriage with a man whose arranged marriage ended in unhappiness and divorce.

I am looking for serious answers to these questions, as I have sincere questions in my mind about the future success of my own marriage. No sarcasam, please. Only sincere answers.

I guess I have not articulated my question(s) well. Here is my quandry: I have a failed "love" marriage to my record. My boyfriend has a failed "arranged" marriage, to his. We are from different cultures. I am trying to determine, from those who have first hand experience with arranged marriages to tell me if they feel that the definitions of "love" and "happiness" differ from American to Indian culture. If so, I am trying to sort out, whether or not, my Indian boyfriend and I are too differing in our cultural expectations, to make a marriage work. We have been apart for the last few years, with only phone, email, and two visits. We are about to resume what was a four year relationship between us, but if he can't make an arranged marriage work,and I couldn't make a love marriage work, I am wondering, from all of you, what you think the key to success here, might be.

Answer 1

The key to a happy marriage...is to have God in the center of it. If God is at the center of your marriage it will be a happy one whether it is arranged or not. Remember God is the key to love, happiness, and success in marriage and in life.

Answer 2

As a matter of fact, nobody remains in love in any marriage be arranged or Love . Just introspect where the Love Marriage failed & why without assigning any personal vendetta. You'll find out that most marriages fail b'cos of personal egoes & giving undue importance to small things(if the divorce is not due to Dowry / Extra marital affair where there is mental involvement) One can "fall" in love by Choice! One can remain happy in a marriage if he/she pleases the other. For a Successful marriage one must go thru' a book " THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES". After usually 1 year of marriage, Love goes to Low Tide unless efforts are made to keep the passion alive, as by this time the persons become known to each other & they start to think that he/she could have got a better deal! Also feeling rejected is one of the reasons of Extra marital affairs (This is true even for males, specially when He is mentally involved) It's not that a female should always bow in front of her husband, but should understand his problem & take necessary steps in an intelligent way.

Answer 3

Whether the marriage is 'Love' or 'Arranged' does not matter, what matters is the understanding between the partners and the extent to which they will go to make each other happy. I am in a success full happy 'Arranged' marriage and i have a female friend who is in a success full 'love' marriage. Though i and my friend wish we could change the 'Type' of our marriages and check out the other side at the end of the say we are happy and contended people.

Answer 4

an arranged marrriage is not someone you meet and fall head over heels in love with and you can learn to love that person but you will never be in lkove with them,however a marriage that is met on its own basis yes some end up unhappy and in dovrce but many are happy and glad that they got to choose there partner unhlike the arranged marriages which are based on what the females family has to offer the male family and ect

Answer 5

I'm not familiar with arranged marriages. Ditto what the answerer said about the importance of God being the center of a marriage though.

The basis of a Godless marriage is whatever the two people involved make it out to be-there really is no solid standard as to what makes a successful marriage.

Answer 6

Will i am married in an arrange marriage. And yes i am happy.
Before marriage i never knew my husband and same with him, but now i love him more than anything, yes there are times when we argue but that's with every happy couple, if there are no arguments in a relationship, then there is no feelings for each other, people have arguments because they care about each other.
the man that your about to marry, maybe he is the one for you, but you have to consider that he has just divorced an arranged marriage.

Answer 7

I have no true experience with arranged marriages, but I can tell you that I am a woman who is driven by emotions (being a Cancer and all ;). Not to say that I act on all my emotions, but they are who I am.
Some people can talk themselves into wanting and enjoying something that has its beginnings in negative undertones. Some people can create fabulously sucessful situations out of forced situations. I, too, am interested in how this will be answered by others.

Answer 8

Happily marrieds don't question. They are doing something or enough right!
Common Sense made the point that "love" marriages fail as well.
Some matchmakers were gifted and brokered good marriages. Marriage is work. Requirements: 1) Unconditional Love 2)Respect and 3)Friendship (in no particular order)
That's the short list!

Answer 9

Yes, my culture believe in arranged marraige. Me, personally was not married by arrangement. However, two older sister was married by this tradition. Contrary to what people in America say, it does endure and last. Oldest is married over 15 yrs, 2nd is over ten, yes they learn to love each other and are still going strong. Me personally, was not arranged, however met my DH at work and dated before we married. We're both are still hanging in there. In countries that don't believe in arranged marraiges, men and women have the freedom to choose and date anyone they please before marraige is brought up. With that, people usually enter into sexual relationships before marraige is consider, therefore leads a lot of premiscuios sex when it doesn't work out or when a marraige failed.

Answer 10

If you think about it, it is hardly surprising that questions in this forum have to do with unhappy relationships: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" My personal opinion is that an arranged marriage is an abomination, and anyone who is being pressed into one should run (not walk) to the nearest exit. The relationship is too important a part of one's life to try to maintain with someone with whom you are not happy.