For people who are married, or in a committed, long-term relationship...?

Question

Do you ever get twinges of insecurity, even though you KNOW in your head & heart that your spouse/significant other loves you??
I wonder where that comes from. Drives me nuts.
Snotty responders need not answer...

I should clarify...I'm 37 y.o I was widowed at age 22, got re-married & it lasted 10 years, & pretty much gave up on love. Then I found my "Karmic Lego" :-)
I'm no kid, & I know I've got the real deal this time.
Just every once in awhile, I get these stupid, fleeting insecurities, for no apperant reason...

Answer 1

I have been lucky enough to be able to know a little about a long-term relationship. I think if you consider how much you change over the years you may have a better understanding of the different feelings you and/or your spouse feel. I've been married since I was a young man of 19. Next June I'll have been married to my beautiful wife for 25 years. I/we have gone through so many different 'stages' in our marriage. Insecurity, jealousy, anger... are things, I feel, can happen. Just because you're in love and in a committed relationship doesn't mean you've stopped being human. Don't deny how you feel, but don't let it consume you either. No one is the same and there is no absolute right way to have a long-term happy relationship, but for me I know as time goes on my life, a life that isn't just my own, will change. Some of the changes are great and there are things I miss. Looking back, the hard times have bonded us together as much or more than the easy times. Enjoy your life both as a couple and just you.

Answer 2

aww... i feel your pain...maybe we should start a support group.lol

yes, i do know the insecurity feeling all too well

i guess as long as we live that our past will always be right there behind us, to bite us on the butt when we least expect it.

and now for the advise secton (*LOL*)

small twinge - locks yourself up somewhere alone for a couple of minutes and do something that relaxes you, count to ten, stretch, deep breath, whatever works

insecurity attack - brisk walk, long run, beat the crap out of a punching bag, get a massage, do an hour of yoga.....do your stress relief routine

****every personal heart ache, big or small, is always caused by feelings within yourself..... your partner can not make you a whole person, this is why personal relief techniques are very important .... remember the way you feel about others is a reflection on how you feel about yourself****

Answer 3

Perhaps this may not be so for you, but maybe it'll shed some light on what may be causing that.

I remember when I first starting dating my girlfriend, she was very tentative about actually saying she loved me, but she was always supportive and kind and complimented me often. She would always seem pleased to hear from me and see me, she would always say incredibly nice and uplifiting things to me.

Now our first anniversary is in a few weeks. She tells me she loves me all the time. But all of the little things, the more particular things seem to slip through. It's always nice to hear that you're loved. But some times you need smaller more specific things than that. Reassurances that not only are you loved, but that you deserve to be loved.

The upshot is though, if you find yourself in a relationship that's at that point, you can remind yourself that you know and love and trust that person so much that all the little things like that are just tacit. Always remind yourself of that if you ever worry.

Hope that's of any help

Answer 4

I never used to, but I do now. I now realize that nothing is guaranteed. My husband and I have been married for 18 1/2 years. My best girlfriend, her husband just left her after 34 years of marriage. She didn't have a clue that any thing was wrong. Yes, he is now with another woman. It just shows you that nothing is a given. You can't spend your time dwelling on things like that tho - Make the most of what you have while you have it, then hopefully, there won't be any regrets for you!!! Good luck - stay positive.

Answer 5

I have been married for 8yrs and have been in a relationship with my spouse for 11 yrs. He has done some really stupid things, but I have never doubted his fidelity. I don't feel insecure at all. I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling that way occasionally.

Answer 6

I agree...I have the most caring, honest, faithful, boyfriend in the world. He's a good Christian, and he loves me so much. He would do anything for me and is so good to me. But for some reason, I have a little jealous streak at times, and i don't know why, cause i know 100% that my man would never hurt me...i think it's just something we'll be stuck with =)

Answer 7

Of course. It is just insecurity. It comes from thinking the person you love will find something more desirable about someone else. It gets better as you age and mature, I promise. I used to get green with jealousy, now I am like, pffftttt, lol.

Answer 8

No but it does bother me to have other men stare at my wife like perverts. The men staring at her don't even know I'm in the car while they just look on. The only thing I can do is just admit its a part of a mans life to be the aggressor but when they get to perverted where they cant move there eyes away from my wife's butt then it starts to bother me.

Answer 9

It is just the insecurity that comes from the past. It is something that most people just can't rid of for good. It just builds up and when something good happens, they don't want to believe it no matter how hard they try or know that it is true.

Answer 10

Sure its that comfortability two edge sword, because every now and then you miss the attention and the edge that a new relationship can give you, that time when are so in love you can't seem to see anything else.