anytime with his wife or 7yr old daughter cause hed rather be a cop and fight everyone elses problems. when i say there is nothing going on in the marriage i mean nothing and i am having to deal with no sex and we have been married for 13yrs and have adopted a child and i have no job and im ready to move on but i have medical complications and wondering how im gonna make it on my own and afford my medicine that is expensive ..not sure how to get the motivation to move on and sometimes think i should just stay in my comfort zone but im not happy....anybody out there with advice on how to help me?
2006-10-14 16:40:32 · 22 answers · asked by katie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In my opinion, from what i am reading you are dealing with three problems:
1 You feel stuck
It sounds like you feel stuck.Stuck with your feelings of neglect, resentment, frustration and maybe more
2.You live in fear
Regarding how you will make it without him, how you will feel about being alone again and more
3. Communication
It seems like there are closed channels of communication between you and your husband.
There might be more problems that are not obvious from what you just said
Options: Take each of these problems, analyze them and try to solve them by yourself or with the help of a counselor of a life coach.
You deserve to be happy.
2006-10-14 17:02:52 · answer #1 · answered by ilfecoach 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Similar situation here, mine is a paramedic. However, I do work. But, me working only complicates the problem because if he is off i am usually at work.
I think since you have been married for so long and have taken on the commitment of adopting a child (which I commend you for raising a child has such rewards), not to mention your medical issues, it might be worth suggesting you have 1 night week of alone time, or just time to be with each other, talk catch up etc.
If that is too much to ask or he is not willing to listen i would suggest couples therapy or perhaps even therapy for yourself. Also you maybe too close to see it there is a control factor going on there, he does not think you will ever leave.
My man and I put aside one night a week to talk, nothing more. Sure we are affectionate but it is about communication. I have even had to drive to his work with dinner to keep the "appointment" but believe me in the long run it is well worth it.
Good luck to you, and I hope you get better physically and emotionally
2006-10-14 17:02:01 · answer #2 · answered by brown_eyed_girl_atx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible you are just bored and wanting to get a little excitement into your life? Leaving your husband would definitely be a way to get his attention. You need to sit down with him and let him know that you are feeling neglected and he needs to make more of an effort to be with you and your child. It might also help to get a job, if for no other reason than to get you out of the house and into your own interests, with some independence.
Don't leave a good man for bad reasons. It isn't up to your husband to fulfill your every need. You have to take the lead in making the most of your own life.
I have been with men who worked obsessively and worked not at all. I speak from experience when I tell you obsessively is the lesser of the two evils. Don't break up your home out of boredom. You will regret it.
2006-10-14 17:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not working, why can you not adjust your schedule to accommodate his? Most women complain that their husbands won’t work and help with the bills. You have a husband that is working and by providing a home for you and your daughter he is taking care of the family. If sex is a problem, try new things to encourage him to want to become active again. Most of us work crazy schedules these days. The 40-hour work is a thing of the past. You just have to shift things around and find what works for you. If you are still not happy, then maybe his working schedule is really not the problem. If you decide to leave him you will need to find a way to support yourself and your daughter along with covering the cost of your medication. I don’t say this a means to encourage you to stay where your not happy, it is just a fact you will need to be prepared to face.
2006-10-14 16:52:09 · answer #4 · answered by 75160 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u want him to be around more or possibly change his job then maybe u should help him bring home the dough by finding a job of your own. Was he already a cop when u married him? If so, then u should've known what kind of lifestyle u were getting into. And now that u find it's not convenient for u, u want to walk out? My advice is to speak to him regarding your feelings and maybe u can convince him to to either adjust his schedule so he can spend more time at home or he can find a different job altogether.
2006-10-14 16:57:41 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight. Your husband is not abusive, is not on drugs or alcohol, is gainfully employed. You are a stay at home mom with a child in school. You are dissatisfied with your life. Why on earth don't you do something to make yourself more interesting, for the sake of your child, for you, for your husband and for your marriage?
You can volunteer, you can work part time, you can go to school, you can sew, you can find a talent and become good at something. But you elect to sit and feel miserable, and have your own little pity party.
He probably stays away as much as possible because you are miserable and are creating a miserable homelife. Misery is created from within, not from without. It is entirely up to you to change your approach to this situation.
Please either get up and do something or get some counselling, if not for you, at the very least for sake of this child.
2006-10-14 16:47:23 · answer #6 · answered by finaldx 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why not dicuss this with your husband, maybe he doesn't know how you are feeling? Yes, I had a Navy husband, who was never around, either at work, on duty, or overseas. When he did have free time, he went with his friends constantly, leaving my and our then baby girl at home alone. It does get old fast. but I made the mistake of asuming he knew how I felt without actually telling him. We grew so far apart that we did split. When I brought this up to him a while after we split, he never knew I felt this way. After he thought about it, he told me I was right, Imagine my suprise. Please before you do anything that will change you and your childs life forever, try to make your feelings known, and see if he is willing to make an effort.
2006-10-14 16:50:49 · answer #7 · answered by TKinMI 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried initiating intimacy with him? Sometimes that is all it takes. If he 'rejects' you, try again the next night (trust me, I know how it feels to be 'rejected'--at least that's how I viewed it). He, like most men, probably does throw himself into his job. It's where he feels comfortable. My husband does it, too... always working and always taking the overtime. I miss him a lot, but I make sure that he comes home to a clean, peaceful, relaxing home... where he feels safe. I make sure dinner is cooking or done and that I am cleaned up and ready to greet him. He is SO much happier when my house and my life are orderly. I flirt with him and make him feel like the most important person in the world. I do my best to make sure his 'needs' are met and that he comes back for more... get my drift? :o) All the best to you...
2006-10-14 16:47:46 · answer #8 · answered by luvmysaviour2002 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
THis happened to me i finally got the curage got a job and rented an apartment on my own it was hard at first specialy since i had been with him for 6 yrs .But after alot of effort I succeded now Im better of and i have my dignity and i am much happier you should try it if you are sure you want to leave him you will just have to be strong to go through it Good luck.
2006-10-14 16:47:44 · answer #9 · answered by EPTX 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on to what?
No kidding, if he's the bread winner and has helped you adopt a child and you're own his medical - and you don't work... why leave?
When he does come home - you get the handcuffs and take care of your "intimate needs" .... barricade the doors - he don't leave until you get some satisfaction (that should help motivate you !)
2006-10-14 17:16:10 · answer #10 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋