What do you guys think of my little sister's poem? She's in 5th grade by the way. Please don't be mean.
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It was a dark October night.
The bright moon was out and round.
I walked around my neighborhood.
Suddenly, I heard a strange sound.
I did not know what the sound was.
It just gave me a big fright.
I wanted to turn and run off,
But something came into my sight.
I realized what this thing was.
Shockingly, it was a witch!
She looked really miserable.
It turned out, her broom had a glitch.
I decided to help her out.
I took the string from my hair.
I tied the broken broom tightly.
Then, off she went into the air.
I will never forget that night.
It still makes me laugh today.
A witch, breaking her broom in half?
It was one great October day!
2006-10-14 16:12:20 · 16 answers · asked by just_breathe_x3 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Sounds like she has a great future ahead of her and she's very smart! Great job!
2006-10-14 16:15:04 · answer #1 · answered by missmetro_jl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's a cute story, albeit a mediocre poem. For a fifth grader, though, your sister actually writes fairly well.
Does your sister draw? I could see the poem getting into some kind of short picture book. It'd help to bring out the poem's visual images, too.
2006-10-14 16:21:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked this friendly encounter with a witch poem. I am not going into detail analizing it but it rhymes! It sounds light and cute.
2006-10-14 16:43:57 · answer #3 · answered by Morenisima 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a 5th grader your little sister did a great job. Have her keep at it, we may have a famous poet on our hands one of these days. God bless you, Juanita
2006-10-14 16:22:50 · answer #4 · answered by nevada nomad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad, but the last verse refers to it as an October "day" when the whole story took place at night.
2006-10-14 16:15:26 · answer #5 · answered by davdal400 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cool poem! She should consider getting it published.
2006-10-14 16:19:31 · answer #6 · answered by chrstnwrtr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she can practise more so that the rhyme comes in the poem.
2006-10-14 16:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by Brahmanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is quite good, since it actually rhymes... I can't write anything that rhymes! XD
2006-10-14 16:16:11 · answer #8 · answered by *azure* 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
really good for a 5th grader
tell her keep up the good work
2006-10-14 16:16:04 · answer #9 · answered by Britt_09 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I like it ! Encourage her writing ... she has much talent.
Truly,
Jonnie
PS, Even if you wrote it I like it.
2006-10-14 16:28:52 · answer #10 · answered by Jonnie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋