My husband and I are in the process of rebuilding our marriage we've had a very rough year but?

Question

I just found out that he lied to me about picking up another woman a year ago (we were dating at that time) Should I confront him about it and see why he lied in which he's going to say we were both at opposing views as far as that situation where he knew I would get jealous. What should I do?

Answer 1

You are rebuilding a marriage you have been in less than a year? Hey babe, you are only beginning to build one at all. I've been married 17 years and the rebuilding began after 10. We have had several rough years, and they are not all sequential. In fact our first year easily counts for 2! At first we said that we would not couint the first year because it was so bad (alcoholism and drug abuse rehab, brand new baby, major job changes, infidelity, you name it).

We did do it and now I am more in love with him than I ever was. IWe value our marriage so much more for making it through together! He is patient, kind, sensual, giving and a hard worker. He loves to do things with the kids.
No way are either of us perfect, but the key to the reparing of the harm done by both of us was to bring the Lord into the equation.

No, I am not trying to sound lame or pious, but you know what, it is the absolute honest truth. God wants your relationship to be sucessfull and He will help when asked. It was not easy at all, because at one time I was so ready to bail. Hubby told me that we were going to stick it out and get our lives on the right track. It worked. We have been together a total of just over 18 years (3x's longer than any of my mother's 3 marriages) and I cannot nor do I want to imagine my life without him.

Answer 2

i know it's hard when you love somebody. I've been in your situation at one time. My husband was giving a woman a ride to work and it was kept secret. When I confronted him, he lied. Only did she make a mistake and called and I overheard the conversation. The point is, if he would have told me first, I probably would have better understood the situation, but keeping it from me and then lying about it really crushed me. I had so much trust built up in him. It has been over a year now and I still dont fully trust him but we are working on it because our love, our memories, our friendship is too important to throw away. But I think if it happened again, love or no love, I would be gone. Good luck and I hope you work through it.

Answer 3

Listen honey, I commend you and your husband for trying to rebuild your marriage firstof all. There isnt alot of people that are moral enough or strong enough to stay together, they take the easy road,and just get divorced the minute they dont like their situation. As for finding out what your husband did a year ago, if youre just now trying to work things out, then forgive as hard as it is,and just try. I would comfront him with a humble mind and tell him you know the truth and you could move past this if he just confessed and explained. After that, just let it pass, and if something comes up in the future, then I would say enough is enough, you love him, but you have to protect yourself, you can walk away knowing you tried your best, but a husband that is going to continually cheat,honey I dont think he will stop. I hope this helped.good luck to you and your happiness.

Answer 4

If your rebuilding your marriage why bring up the past. You have to forget that and move on. If you can't forgive and try to forget then things will never work out. Write him a note and say..
I love you and I forgive you for lying. Lets just move on and start over. And really mean it when you write it. You can renew your vows without doing the whole ceremony again. Me and my hubby did it at home one night with just the two of us over a nice dinner and them vows didnt mean as much the first time as when i said them the second time and really knew what it meant to be inlove and sacrifice for another person. Good luck and pray about it..God will lead you to do whats right. Always be ready to forgive.

Answer 5

Avoid any confrontations at this point. As you said you're still in the process of rebuilding your marriage. A confrontation would be a negative step. Try to get it out of your mind, look to the future.. If you really feel that you have to take up the matter with him, do so at a good time... Maybe later when both of you have regained trust in each other.. TC!!

Answer 6

In my opinion you should talk to him about it ..no yelling no screaming ..try to be as calm as possible , tell him you know the situation so lies have no place.
You just want to figure out the reason behind him not telling you.
If you yell and accuse...you can not possibly expect him to say' oh yeah now i see why i love you and not lie to you'
You want to keep all channels of communication opened.
We all have some rough patches throughout the marriage but ..trust me all it takes is good communication skills.
If you are uncertain about your ability to keep calm or to solve this problem you might like to ask for help from a counselor or relationship coach.
Best of luck to you,

Alex

Answer 7

If you are in the process of rebuilding your marriage, let bygones be bygones. You did say this happened a year ago. Was that when he lied to you or did he just now lie about it? If the lie was a year ago, let it go. If the lie was right now, you might want to seek some counceling to help with the trust issues.
Blondie

Answer 8

You cant change someone. Marriage is sacred, but apparently your husband does not think so. Try counseling first. I dont know how you can be with someone whom you do not trust. That is not a marriage. Trust and commitment must be present in order to build a healthy relationship. You dont seem to have either. Marriage counseling may be good for you two. If that doesnt work and things do not change, you should consider moving on without him. Good luck.

Answer 9

If you were only dating at that time, why should you give this matter such importance ?, if you both are rebuilding your marriage, is it worth it to start digging on the dirt or is it better to start a new one and make it a better one ?
Why not add a lot more love and confidence to this "process of rebuilding " There are million of good and happy thing to worry about for a better future..Asking him about a woman he picked up last year ? does that really matters at this time ?
All of your love and all of his, together let it go to the drain ?
Why don't we worry about the family economy, the future kids, their education, our and their health ?
Why dont we worry better trying to make better love to each other ?
Why dont we worry showing each other how deep our love can be ?
Time goes by..it is really time to make love not war...What is jealousy ? isn't that for ignorants ?
If he is with you at the moment is a good reason that tells you that you were a lot more to him than anyone else at that moment..
Do you want to be better than anyone else ?
Don't destroy your and his love with that nonsense call jealousy..
Kiss him tonight, with all your love, let him know you were the best yesterday and will be even better tomorrow..Love, love and love, that only matters my dear...Lots of Luck

Answer 10

First of all you are married and dating does not happen when you are married even if you have been seperated for a period of time. Yes ask him about this other woman and be open to what he has to say to you but a liar is always a liar. Decifer what he is saying to you and if you have an issue put it out in the open. Nothing said is nothing gained.