another rewrite... please help? (revision, rewrite...)?

Question

After he was unhandcuffed, Frank was left alone in the strange room for about five minutes before someone else came in and grabbed his hand. He yanked it on the pad, an in surprise, Frank screamed angirly. the man laughed. "you see franky, what happens when people disobay me, I don't take kindly to it."

Answer 1

After, being relased from his handcuffs, the stranger left the room. Frank was then left in the strange surroundings to ponder what was happening for about 5 minutes before an ominous-looking man entered. (give brief description of the man). He seized Frank by the hand, burying his fingernails deeply into his palm. Frank screamed out involuntarily in pain and rage. The man, sneeringly laughed, "So you see, Franky boy, this is what happens when people dare to disobey me. I don't take too kindly to it".

Answer 2

Yikes. I don't think revision is the answer. "the" strange room? Which strange room? Did you describe the room in a previous sentence or paragraph? If you didn't than "a" needs to be in place of "the." Who is "He" in the "He yanked it on the pad" and what is "it" on the pad? Spell and correctly in "an in surprise" and don't call Frank girly unless you mean to (Frank screamed angrily not angirly). Please use spell check. It is your friend. Disobay/Disobey and no comma after the previous disobay but a period. Start a new sentence with I don't take kindly to it." If you read more books, you will get a feel for better writing as well as better spelling and wording. Make sure the books you read are from a variety of sources and topics to become a good writer.

Answer 3

After he was relieved of his handcuffs, Frank was left alone in the strange room for about five minutes before someone else came in and grabbed his hand. The other person yanked it on the pad, and in surprise, Frank screamed angrily. The man laughed and shouted, "You see Frank what happens when people disobey me.. I don't take kindly to it."

Answer 4

I didn't see the first, so I don't know if "...the strange room" is needed. I can only assume Frank was alone, & if we know this, "someone came in" would be enough. You wouldn't need the "else." Also, in any case, I wouldn't use "Franky" in the last sentence. Think about how people SPEAK. The guy would most likely just say: "See what happens when people disobey me?"
Behaving "unkindly" is obvious to Frank. Wish I'd seen the first...