Serious answers only please?

Question

I am in a relationship with a man 30 years older than me. He is verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive to me. I am trapped with him...my only income is social security, which is not enough to live on with two children. I want to get away from him so bad....but it seems like there is no way out. I tried to get help through the local domestic violence office, but they could only put us in a motel for two days. Since my son is 17, he's considered a man, and they do not allow men to live in the women's shelter. I have no family that can help me, and he has alienated all the friends I once had. I don't know what to do, I'm desperate to have him out of my life. Being disabled, it's hard to find a job and I really have no job skills. The abuse keeps getting worse and worse and I'm afraid he will kill me if I stay with him. Can anyone offer any suggestions? Serious only please.

He has said things to me such as " You are not worth touching" and " Don't make me go to prison for your murder." As far as filing a restraining order...it is HIS house. And he never lets me forget that.

My son does have a part time job at a fast food restaurant, but he is still in school.

Answer 1

This is a really horrible situation. Your name suggests you are from Australia. I have a good friend that works in a womans refuge, and it just so happens we were discussing certain issues last night. She said that the domestiv violence refuge she worked at had quite a few real estate agents affiliated with this shelter. She said that these real estate agents would find suitable accommodation for women and their children when they were ready to leave the refuge. I would imagine that would be common place because a shelter isnt just for the time being, it is also a safe haven where issues can be worked on including housing. Have you spoken to your centrelink office. I know they will put you up for at least a week if you are in an emergency situation. You can also try the Salvation Army and the Samaritans...they also have emergency housing. You need to ring up every resource you can possibly think of because you need to get out of this situation now. It is absolutely fantastic that you have gotten to this stage because a lot of women in an abusive relationship stay and stay and as you know some end up being murdered. You cannot do this on your own. You need support of an emotional nature as well....give the Salvos a ring, give the Samaritans a ring. There is someone who WILL be able to help you. Just dont stop until you can find the help you so desperately need. I am sure too that if you were to contact your old friends they would be very supportive. I am sure too they will know the reason why you lost contact with them and would probably be only too happy to help out. They are probably wondering what has happened to you because they would have known your husband was an abuser too. Muster up all the support you can, because its the support you need if you are to ring the Police...You need solid people by your side. You need people who know what they are doing. Get the support, then the rest will come. I am sure if you rang the Salvo's or the Samaritans they would have something to help you out immediately. Try it please, you are ready to leave this abusive relationship so now is the time to go. It can happen, but you really have to get the support, you cannot do it on your own.

Answer 2

Your local social security office has information, and can help you find a job, that will work with your disability. Do what you need to do to get out. Why doesn't your son get a job, to help out with the bills? Also, what about public housing? Ask the local social security office about that. They can get you a place to live. It won't be much, and probably in a bad neighborhood, but it would be worth it to you and the kids. It will be hard at first, but you can do it. You deserve better. Your kids are learning about relationships, and you don't want them to learn cruel behavior, or to take other people's abuse lying down. Good luck.

Answer 3

I can concur with most of the other answers. Get out anyway you can.
As for your son, he is old enough to go into the military. If he has no high school then consider getting him into the Job Corps.
Take the 2day motel and use that time to get referrals from Social Services and other anti-abuse agencies.
It is not easy and you need to be strong. Strong enough to do what you need to get a safe life. Nothing is worth risking your life or your son's life.
If you like you may contact me to discuss it further and/or at least for moral support.

Answer 4

Has your children witnessed any of the physical abuse? I know that disability doesn't pay much, but you need out of this relationship. Call the cops. Have faith that no matter how hard it is financially, that you can and will survive without this man. Go to your local employment office, they can provide training for employment and they will help you find a job. Due to your disability, you may qualify for state assistance. And that is nothing to be ashamed of. If it gets you away from this man, do it. If I could come get you out of there myself I would.

Answer 5

Go to the YWCA tell them your situation and see what services they can offer. Many churches now are willing to help out families in crisis. The women's shelter should be able to give you a list of places too.
Keep trying and don't give up.
Think hard. Even though he alienated some of your friends try to rebuild those relationships. I m sure they realize that it as him and that they still love you and would be proud of the efforts you are making to turn your life around for your kids. First and foremost, pray.

Answer 6

Take the motel room for the 2 days. It will give you a chance to make some contacts with those old friends. I am sure if you explained your situation some of the closed doors will open up to you! You need to get out not only for you but for your kids!

Answer 7

I see a lot of answers here, and I don't know if I can be of help at all. I have never understood domestic violence, and have never been a recipient of it. I never put myself in a situation to be treated that way, and I always have looked for the signs that it could possibly turn into that. I agree with what most have said...there is always a way out. You just have to find it. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll get out. That man hits you because he knows he can. The only women that make it out of situations like that have all said "I just couldn't take it anymore" and they left.

So, sweetie, seems to me when you're sick of being his punching bag, you'll leave. When you get sick of being his footrest, you'll leave. When you get sick of being yelled at, spit on, and kicked, you'll leave. When you get sick of being called those ugly names he calls you, you'll leave. Nothing anyone here or a police station or shelter can do if you don't want it for yourself.

Answer 8

Do everything you can to get out of that hell girl. This man will kill you one day. Call your friends, explain the situation to them i'm sure they will help you. Move to another country if that's what it takes to find your peace. Your son can stay with a friend for some time. Contact Oprah show, call the TV, send letters to every1, call the police...WOMAN JUST DO SOMETHING. You really need to leave this animal as soon as possible. Move, Move, please i'm begging MOVE NOOWW. God bless you

Answer 9

have you ever watched Madea's family reunion or Madea's diary of a mad black woman? if you havent' girl rent it and watch them let it do the talking for you .....no one ever deserves any abuse and when a male does that to a woman he isn't even considered a man, cause a real man wouldn't do that to a woman..... its time YOU stood your ground and put this man in his place the longer you keep letting him do this to you the longer he will DON'T EVER EVER EVER BE AFRAID TO STAND YOUR GROUND HONEY cause when you don't have anyone the only one you have is yourself and (your children) you dont need to let him get away with this anymore there are more ways than one to put this so called man in his place and once you do it a time or two you will be set free you will feel so much better...when a male does this it is just control they are looking for and if you stay in it you are subjecting your children to it especially if you have a son he will think that is ok and you wouldn't want him treating women that way and if you have a daughter you don't want her thinking that is the way a woman is supposed to be treated.....wake up and smell the coffee there are ways....good luck and watch them movies....GOD BLESS YOU

Answer 10

Ask the domestic violence shelter where your son can go, then you go to the shelter, and get out. I have seen families take in young men, and boys to get them out of bad situations and women's shelter's won't take them.