ok, this is hard to ask...?

Question

i am in an abusive relationship.my boyfriend always tells me i'm fat, i'm only 103 lbs. i'm 5'5. he puts me down, tells me i'm not capable, tells me i'm ugly, or stupid, and sometimes even physically abuses me. (hitting or pushing) the thing is, the idea of leaving scares me. how do i get out? i need to.

this has been going on for about a year

this has been going on for about a year

Answer 1

Call the center for women and families. They will not only hide you, but they will help you get a job and a new home. I swear, they will send a cab out for you. If not. E-mail me, I will get you the hell out, and get you to the center. They helped me. I couldn't quit crying, I took my two kids there, it was so hard, but I am soooooo strong now. [e-mail]

Answer 2

Hello Charly, I know this is hard for you, I have worked closely with battered women for 21 yrs. The average woman will leave an abusive relationship six times before they leave for good. Call the Police and have a report made, this starts a paper trail for you and that is always good for court. You will need to talk the the County Court at Law Judge and file for a Protective Order, which is much more binding than any other order. If you don't have the money to file sign a poupers affidavit and it won't cost a dime. Also contact the Crimes Victim Advocate who can help you all these things together, and can offer some really good advice. You do need to get away from this jerk, I don't know where you live, but if it was in East Texas I know some good Ole boy's that would be glad to monkey stomp his a**, and let him know how it feels to be abused.Talking down to you and belittling you is his way to control you and to try and make you think no one else will have you. These people are control freaks, and can be very dangerous. You don't have to be the one to leave, the Police can make him leave and with him being served with a Protective Order he can't come back to your house, nor can he call you, have a friend call you or contact you in any threatening manner. If he does the Police will file on him for Retaliation which is a Second Degree Felony, carrying a charge of 5-99 yrs. Take Care and Stay Safe Charly.

Answer 3

GET OUT! Really, does the idea of leaving scare you more than what he can be capable of? Don't think things will be any better. They won't -just worse. And think about what this is doing to your self-esteem. Not good. This is not okay, you need to get out right away. Don't wait until he does something real bad to you.

I would suggest leaving when he's not there (like when he's at work or something like that to avoid any confrontation), so figure out how you are going to leave and where you will go. Don't be afraid to ask anyone close to you for help -they'll probably be so happy that you did. Have some people to help you move if possible (if not for just moral support), but do it as soon as you can!

When you leave, you don't need to call him, just let him know in a note or on the answering machine that you have left and for him not to contact you anymore. If he doesn't listen to you, you will need to get a restraining order. Don't feel sorry for him and don't give in to his crying pleads to have you come back, you are the victim here, and if you give in to him, you are no longer a victim.

Get Out! Save Yourself! You wouldn't stay in a house that was burning would you?

Answer 4

Your boyfriend is both verbally and physically abusive. He will not change, well he may be able to if he is willing to go for help. Unfortunatley most men like this are into control and unless you remove yourself from him it is not going to stop. He may be very apologetic after he has mistreated you but then does it again and again. Why are you afraid to leave? There are many places to go for help and the first thing you have to do is get to a safe place and the second is to notify the police if you feel you are in danger from leaving. Ask yourself if you really want to spend your life like this. A good relationship should make you feel good and safe with the person you are with. Change your future and do not allow yourself to mistreated by anyone. Don't fall for any lines such as "I'll change, I cannot live without you or anything else it is just another way to control you. Best of luck. Be a smart lady and get out - you can do much better.

Answer 5

u have to leave that relationship. don't be scared of him either. if u really are afraid he might do something if u tell him IN PERSON that it's ovr, you should call and break up with him and if u do decide to do it in person, take a friend or a group with u and have them stand close by while u two talk. it is not right for him to treat u the way he does. u r not fat, nor are u stupid or uncapable. ur bf is a bully and not a good person at all. he obviously has some personal issues and a lot of anger bottled up inside, but nonetheless, he's not allowed to take that anger out on u. PLEASE take this advice from someone who KNOWS. my ex was very abusive and i left his @$$ as soon as i realised it was getting bad. u r very smart to kno that this has gone too far. please be safe and take this matter seriously. he will say he'll change and beg for another chance- i know he will- but if i were u i wouldn't give it to him, or at least consider it for a very long long time. u deserve better than a man who hurts u. remember that no man is worth crying over, and the one that is will never make u cry. good luck babe and god bless.....

Answer 6

Hey, i know how you feel when someone is constantly putting u down and making u feel bad about yourself. you are not fat! 103 pounds is not even close to fat and you're 5''5' your taller than me I'm 5''3' and i weigh more than you and i'm not fat at all. this guy is obvisiously polluting your mind with things you don't need to hear so i think you should get out of the relationship while u can no one deserves to get abused by no one! so even though u might be scared you should be strong and represent all women around the world and tell him that you're leaving and never coming back and find someone who likes u 4 u!

Answer 7

If thats the only kind of "love" you have known, then it will scare you to get away from what you know, Be Strong, Be Smart, Get out Now while your still alive to do it,, to many times we hear of the girl missing and found dead because of the abusive controlling bf,, contact your local mental health dept for help if you need, or how about a pastor at a nearby church, if your scared to be alone,, " I would rather be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong ones" Good Luck

Answer 8

I am glad you realize it. Just simply go. Don't call him, don't answer his calls. If you live with him, get your things and move out when he isn't there. Call your friends and family and tell them what you are doing so they can be there to support you. It is hard at first, but it is the best thing you will have done in a long time.
Being abused mentally is just as bad as being abused physically. If he threatens you, call the police so it will be on record, it will actually be the strongest thing you you have done, not weak. It will show him how strong you really are! Don't tell him you are doing it, just do it. Here is a big hug for you............... and my prayers are with you.

Answer 9

Girl! why do you put up with this guy..you know you are not fat and you know you are beautiful...he is so mean...he does not love you clearly...a man who loves you will say nice things to you ..not be mean to you..you must make a plan to leave him...I think you should call 911 next time her is about to hit you.

I did that and the police were at the door in less than 5 minutes...scare him a bit..what can he do to you? He did not lay a finger on me after that and eventually i divorced him. I am now a very happily married woman..and you deserve better...

obviously you need help..you must NOT stay in this relationship...please don't...you will lose your respect completely...tell him that you both are not working out.. ASAP...

Answer 10

U are wrapped in negative thoughts and therefore negative events happen and therefore attracted to negative people.....No wonder why U are riding the train down the spiral to pain and self-hatred....

Start with clearing out your head with these useless self-hating thoughts....if thats too hard try the next exercise...it always works

Next Begin with feeling gratitude about something.....anything in your life that U are happy about ....I KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING your are grateful for......no matter how silly it is....come up with something from You......and not by measuring it against others....it is usually best if it is not material for this exercise.....like your smile, your eyes, your hair, your sister, your loving friend, a cherished experience.....etc....that will start a chain reaction of other nurturing thoughts....like the love U felt once........good memeories from a loving person in your life......etc.

Right now U feel this way b/c there is a void in your spirit... probably from a lack of compassion from a loved one in the past......this void needs to be filled with something....so its grasps onto the easiest and nearest thing.....which is self- hatred....when that starts ...it begins a chain reaction of MORE OF THE SAME thoughts and then your thoughts become reality.....if this seems way OUT THERE and over your head just absorb this

YOUR THOUGHTS CREATE YOUR REALITY WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT THEY DO...

U can understand this if you just sit down and write out every thought U have no matter how silly or negative or positive it is.....then next to each thought U had go back and put a energy charge next to each thought... +or- If you do this and look at your list U will understand why your life seems so crappy right now.......starte with the gratitude....keep the thoughts positive and U will see people like this guy U were attracted to in you low time......disappear and be replaced with warm and loving friends and people......Try it U have noting to lose except your sadness...

If U are looking for an answer that is going to TELL U WHAT TO DO....this is the wrong answer for you....U want to be someones puppet because U feel emotionally paralyzed...then no wonder why u are stuck in abusive relationships......U need to love yourself and have confidence in yourself before U can make any positive change in your life...try my excersice it can't hurt...Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 11

Just leave. If you need to call the police to help escort you off the property, do it! NOBODY deserves to be hit - NOBODY!!! You love yourself more than that. You are not fat, you are beautiful. If anything, you're under your average weight. You're not stupid, the only stupid thing you've done is stay with that dumb a.sshole as long as you have. He needs to be behind bars. Find a close friend or family member you trust and go stay with them until you get back on your feet. Don't be afraid to leave, it'll be the best decision you ever make...finding the strength to leave him. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Get out as soon as possible before he takes it too far!