We talk everyday (she is 2yrs older) However, more and more I realize she is not a good person. She lies to and manipulates everyone constantly. She is thoughtless and unkind. She guilts me into lending her money she never repays or says she has. She says her children will do without if I don't help but I have almost lost my house. This week was the last straw. She begged me to let her watch my dog and cat at my house while I was away for work. I tried to avoid this because she would snoop and steal from me but I gave in. When I came home after 8 days neither of my animals had food or water. (It takes days for my little dog to eat a bowl of food) Ofcourse when confronted she screamed and lied that she was here everyday. I asked her 14 yr old and she said the same. She had her lie as well. That was 5 days ago when I told my sister I did not want her daughter to turn out like her. Now what? I can't have her in my life but what about my neices?
2006-10-14 13:14:08 · 5 answers · asked by Cassidy S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just be who you are! A good person. Thats the first step.
Do not ever change who you are to accomodate other people. Then you are not being true to yourself.
Don't lose your sister either. Do not give up on her, but do not give in to her. Its hard, Im sure. But, if you slowly begin to develop a different type of relationship with her, it will become easier as time goes on and the new type of relationship develops, let me see if I can explain.
Using the example you gave, when your sister asked you, and then begged you to allow her to take care of the animals. You should have said no. YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO TO YOUR SISTER!!! And when she started begging you. You should have said NO!!! And when she started bitching and moaning and yelling you still should have said NO! And then you should have told her why. And do you know what was gonna happen next. She was going to hate you, despise you, talk junk about you to everyone...and on and on and on..but you know what. She still would not have been in your house violating your privacy and not taking care of the responsibility you left her with.
Over time, she would have gotten over it. In the mean time you would live your life to the best of your abilities, being the kind, generous, loving person that you are but WITHOUT BEING A PUSHOVER. So, you have to protect yourself from your sister manipulations, you know her better than anyone, you can out maneuver her and still love her at the same time. Eventually, she will have to grow up...or even maybe not, if she doesnt, oh well.
Help your sister when you can, and when it doesnt drain you of every ounce of energy and every dime you have. But you have to learn to stand up for what you believe in first. You absolutly can do it. You absolutly have to do it. Your sister will always be your sister, we can not pick and choose who our family is. We just cant. But we can decide what type of effect they will have on your life and your mental health. When you switch over to the newer, stronger, better you, your sister is going to hate it. And Im not saying that she will learn to deal with it over night, She is going to fight your change tooth and nail, and just like you know her, she knows you and your weaknesses and she will attack those weaknesses. Be strong. Tell her..I love you, but Im not going to let you break me down anymore, I will be there for you the best I can, thick and thin, you know that...but there are some things im not comfortable doing. This is going to take months or even years for this to sink into her head, and she may not talk to you in the mean time, but she will eventually come back ..to you. The neices will respect you if you stick to your guns as well. Talk to them whenever you have the opportunity, even if your sister tries to sway their minds to think differently of you. Help them when you can. Let them know your there for them, and if they ever need a shoulder...you know, they will respect that. Send them cards on holidays and birthdays, and just be who your are. Thats it...they will have to love you for it, and if they dont see that, you cant lose yourself because of it. Surround the rest of your life with lots of good friends, love, happiness, compation and empathy, and your life will be as satisfying as ever Guaranteed.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope your sister sees the light. Stay strong.
2006-10-14 21:26:27 · answer #1 · answered by RAW29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let yourself get in those situations. you have to be tougher. If your gut said don't let her stay at your house, then why did you give in? you have the right to your opinions. Make it clear to your sister that her behaviors bother you and that in order to make yourself feel better, you will have to limit contact. I think that your nieces will either be like her or not, and if one is 14 she knows how to call you if she needs you. Stay away until you want to go back.
2006-10-14 20:20:00 · answer #2 · answered by bozogirl123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Writing a statement, then placeing a question mark after it does not make it a question.
2006-10-14 20:18:08 · answer #3 · answered by Beejee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you want to fight her for custody you probably won't have them in your life. You are better off without her, you will lose more then your house.
2006-10-14 20:17:13 · answer #4 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to talk to her and tell her how you feel. you may not agree with how she raise her kids, but tell her how you feel and try to keep a family together is more important and its better to have one and not to have one at all
2006-10-14 20:26:27 · answer #5 · answered by jamai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋