why do i say really mean things to someone that care about?

Question

for ex. getting in an argument with someone and i feel they've betrayed me, i think of the most hurtful things i can think of and say it. I usually dont mean it, so why do i say things hurtful things....

they say a scorpios can use their "stinger" for self-defense, and must learn to control those strong urges. im a scorpio indeed!

Answer 1

i think most people on here are right. it's a whole lot of things, including failure to communicate your feelings adequately, lack of control, lack of thought about the consequences of your behavior, lack of committment to change, and possibly biological and psychological issues.

we already know you have had a problem with rage in the past, which is related to this. so... are you committed to change? it takes effort, work and time. in probably takes professional help (doctor/therapist). and if you're not ready, the behavior will probably continue and you will alienate the ones you love most.

so... there it is.
love you.

Answer 2

There will be a root. For example: when you were a kid you may have been hurt badly by the environment that you were raised in.
You will now feel such intense pain whenever a person hurts you in similar ways, that you protect yourself with this mechanism that you have built which causes you to hurt people back. Sadly it doesn't work and all that happens is realationships get broken down.
This does not make you a bad person. It just means you are damaged.

Answer 3

You probably learned this at a young age. It is something that can really cause you problems if you do not learn to control it. Most people learn how to settle there differences without lashing out at others. I suggest you make sincere apologies to all that you have displayed this aggression toward and try to stay away from personal attacks from now on.

Answer 4

I think that people say really mean things to people that they care about when they are feeling vulnerable. If the other person has just said something that hurts you, a normal reaction is to try to not show them how much they have hurt you and to lash back out at them to show that you are stronger than they to hide your vulnerability. Unfortunately, if the other person isn't seeing clearly at the moment because they are also feeling hurt, they might not be able to see through this and might take your anger words at face value.. which they probably weren't meant to be. Relationships are interesting in that, because those closest to us, as much as they are able to give us the most love and trust and caring, they are also in the best position to hurt us, and on occasion, without meaning to, hurt us they will, as we will them. If you think about it. You really can't hate someone that you don't care about or who you don't care about what they think of you (and if you care about what they think of you - on some level you look up to them even if you tell yourself you don't like them). So as, if someone we don't care about says something hurtful to us, we can brush it off like it didn't mean anything or it didn't affect us, if someone we care about says the same thing to us, we will take it much more personally and be much more hurt by it.. and in that case - we will feel betrayed because we thought that that person was above saying and doing such hurtful things to us.. and we feel that because they did it, they don't care about us as much as we do them. When really, they are just as fallable as we are and they were either having a bad day, or trying to get a point across without realizing they were being insensitive.
So.. such a long answer, but I think you understand what I mean... It is going to continue.. people you care about will say and so things that hurt you and you will do the same to them. I guess my best advice (even though it can be hard to follow because they are always emotional times) is that when someone has hurt you, before you lash out at them, try to take a look at the situation, what has happened in their past, what is going on in their life and why they would have acted/ reacted to you the way that they did.. and slow down your response and try to find the most productive way to respond. Remember that you don't always need to prove you are right, even if you think you are, you should just want to negotiate the situation so that you both can feel better with the outcome. Often, in our culture, we like to get "the truth" out.. and we like to debate who is "right", but sometimes just understanding why someone did something they did, giving them "the easy out", forgiving the situation, and moving on with the friendship is actually the best way.. It always depends on the situation.. Use your judgement.. and good luck!
(Although... sometimes saying hurtful things is a good way to get everything out in the open, resolve a situation, and move on..sometimes it's good to air the dirty laundry.. you may end up in a fit of laughter, if you both say enough hurtful things to the point that it gets ridiculous...)

Answer 5

You obviously have alot of repressed anger that is inside of you. And when you get mad, it comes spewing out of your mouth. We normally hurt the ones we love and the ones closest to us when we are angry. It would be better to put your negative energy into a journal and get your anger and frustrations out on paper than hurting another person, especially someone you love. Words are never forgotten and cannot be taken back.

Answer 6

Its easier and safer to be mean to the people we love the most because if our relationship with them is secure then we take it for granted that they will stand by us even in the worst of times. Still, try to curb the anger a little, it hurts people's feelings.

Answer 7

You say really mean things to someone you care about because you have double standard. We tend to expect more from the ones we love or care about and get more upset and disappointed when they fail us. Since we have given them our attention and love them dearly, we are more likely to respond more severely or extremely when they let us down. On the other hand, we can usually care less about those who are merely acquaintances to us.

Answer 8

Lack of self control, along with a desire to hurt the person with your words.

Answer 9

i don't think you should try & justify it or reason with it

at least you feel bad about it, a close reative who does that to people who love her doesn't seem to show any remorse about it at all, she's just constantly forgiven after so many excuses.

you might want to just try and censor yourself & concentrate on doing something different when you're in a situation where you're stressed & you need to lash out

Answer 10

that is human nature. i usually get heated up and in the moment say the meanest things possible. we do these things because when we are mad, it is human nature not to think anymore and to hurt others eventhough it seems normal as well as irratitonal. when we are mad we take our anger out on others thru words or actions.