Are you willing to rate my poetry for points?

Question

go to http://www.myspace.com/babydoll31703 and read the RATE MY POETRY BLOG--- you don't have to be a member. And leave a comment here! Thanks!

Answer 1

I think that you have the beginnings of a poet.

Your work shows your age. That's not good or bad, but if you want to be a really good, respected writer, it should become timeless and all the lines concerning what you are should become fuzzy otherwise you get yourself into a teeny bopper rut and no one will take you seriously. It is just like with any other kind of subject matter. In my poetry, I tend to lament and whine about the same old thing sometimes (So I know where of I speak) lol...

When reading Patrick... I knew what was going to happen from the very first line... It was way too predictable.

The first poem was good, but it seems to me that you try to force rhyme. For this, I suggest reading Sexton, As in Anne Sexton.

She was yet another "Crazy" female poet. But in her case, her insanity in the form of OCD enabled her to sit for hours and lament over the very complex rhyme schemes that won her the Pulitzer award in 76. (I think) She is a must read for every young poet trying to shape her style and outlive her teens in written form... In my writing too, I once paid too much attention to the ryhme because I believed I was suppposed to. Now I write Prose and oh what a wonderful thing it is! Rhyming can make you insane!

When I was first writing, my poetry was very basic, very patterned and very predictable. You have an excellent foundation going and a body of work to be proud of... I see you going far with it if you keep it up!

Great work!

My work is at postpoems.com It is a great place to post! Try the Starlitecafe.com if you like a more interactive experience.

Good luck sweetie!

Answer 2

Sure, I'll give it a try (even for 0 points):
A:)
Nothing Girl: Very good theme - but I think you're trying too hard for rhyme here. There are occasions in this poem where the rhythm and the flow seem forced because of that. Typo: in stanza 2, "cannon" should be "cannot"

B:)Patrick

Sorry, this one's my least favorite. It's too "preachy" (or, to use the literary term, didactic). And in my opinion, it suffers from the same "rhyme" problems as A: Nothing Girl


C:) Kiss My Baby In the Morning
This one's a little too "sugary" for my taste, but it's got good rhythm and would probably make fine lyrics for a song.
I didn't get this line, though:
"and to the maker I plead there"

D:) With You I Can
As with C: Kiss My baby in the Morning, this one would, I think, make a good lyric for a song (and I prefer it to C - it's not quite so sentimental.)

E:) Domestic Abuse
I lie you better when you're MAD (rather than sentimental). This one has some real feeling to it, feeling that gets across to the reader.
I'd say you need to tighten up the rhythm some and perhaps redo some lines (e.g. "Or does his ego outweigh the justice between her and that wall?" - that doesn't work for me). Again, I feel you're letting your enslavement to rhyme constrict you too much.


Write on!

Answer 3

I noticed that overall, you chose some fascinating themes to focus on, but as far as poetry writing goes, they seem very telling. This is just personal experience and belief, but to me, poetry is meant to be more imagery based, more of a show than a tell-scene.

Take your first poem: Nothing GIrl

You are telling us far too much about a girl who's supposed to be nothing special, but special enough to be herself without fear. The speaker in the poem is inconsistent, bouncing between preaching and casual. Use her voice to tell us more about who she is, use images that imitate her position, rather than coming straight out to tell us word for word in black and white.

It's just a suggestion, but I do feel that each piece was written in a very telling voice, and the show is lacking. The "law" of show don't tell applies even more in poetry because you tend to use less words than in prose. The way you're poetry tells us as readers what's going on, or what's meant to be important, is very prosey. You could change that, if you're interested in doing so, in making the form less sentence-like in its structure, more imitative of your statement. Because she's a simple girl not ashamed to be herself, use simple, short, in your face statements to show that imagery.

I think it's awesome that you write poetry. Keep writing, and keep sharing.

Answer 4

Not a good way to do it. Post a poem here that you want rated and I'll rate it. Not going anywhere else.