I am a 20-year old virgin and ever since I had trouble getting it up when I first attempted to have sex with a girl, I have had serious doubts about the possibility that the reason this happened is because I might be gay. This is based strictly on the fact that I couldn't get it up and not anything else. I have honestly searched within myself and know that I am not in the least bit attracted to men--i am competely indifferent to them, and I am 100% positive that I am attracted to women. But the fact that I couldn't get it up when I was with a very hot girl was not only embarrassing for me, but it made me very self-conscious and has made me question my sexuallity. I mean, I get turned on seing a hot girl on the street or on tv or something, but how come I can't get turned on when there is one inches from me? Also the fact that i appear to be the only one still a virgin (which i lie about) among my friends, and am some what "old" for still being a virgin, adds to my insecurity.
2006-10-14 10:53:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You are not the only virgin in the world, my daughter is by choice and she's 23, and not a rabid religious freak or anything like that.
However you have a skewed sense of your body and you need to get some sex ed, from your doctor if you don't have a positive male influence in your life you can trust. Performance anxiety is actually exactly what's going on, if you don't have any problems maintaining an erection during masturbation. Basically your system is overwhelmed with the idea that all your masculinity is wrapped up in a hard penis. Take it slow and keep trying with a partner who you are comfortable with. If the hot girl was ok and understood, then you might try again with her, but simply do everything else but intercourse at first. Also, not thinking about what you are doing helps. Don't drink or do drugs, both those things inhibit erections.
You are not gay. Heterosexual men are dysfunctional at times in their lives, for a variety of reasons but mostly because they are worried about their performance.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-14 11:03:19 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You pretty well answered your own questions. If you are not attracted to men then you are not gay.
Your problem is probably all due to your anxiety. Forget about what your friends may think, how do you know that they are not in the same boat, maybe they are still virgins too and pretending not to be.
There could be other causes for not being able to enjoy the moment. Have you discussed it with your doctor? Are you on any kind of medications that ma affect your libido? Or are you taking an illicit drug that could cause the problem?
Are you perhaps diabetic? This could affect your sex drive as well. There are many medical possibilities so you should talk to a doctor.
If there are no medical problems, then try to relax, when the time is right, you won't be able to stop your reactions, the right person and feelings for that person can make all the difference.
Don't stress yourself out about it.
2006-10-14 11:02:58 · answer #2 · answered by nellie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about what others are doing. This is your body, and nobody else is responsible for it, nor will they have to live with it. So take care of it. There's no rush to have sex with another.
You're not gay if you don't find the same sex sexually attractive. You might just have anxiety issues with women. Or you are worrying too much about knowing what to do or how to perform for them. It's called the fear of the unknown.
Do some research online regarding your difficulties and I'm sure you find some useful information.
In the meantime, just relax and enjoy being young. There's no need to rush. Besides, I'll bet if you take your time and get to know a beautiful woman, you'll be comfortable enough to be able to "get it up" when you need to.
Your insecurity is in your head. If you cannot get it out, then seek professional assistance so you can move on with your life. Life is too short to say, "I wish I had done that sooner."
Good health to you!
2006-10-14 11:02:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, failed erection does not equal gay; that'd mean the ranks of gay men would actually be filled with straight guys who were too nervous to get an erection. Find a way to meet gals in a more wholesome environment (than the bar). If you can get into conversation and find compatibility there, that'll help your situation. If you are at ease with someone, and she with you, perhaps the match will bring the results you want. Even shy, modest, withdrawn women want sex. My point is, not to seek that type in particular, but to affirm that not only beautiful, outgoing, hot gals are interested. Go for more than looks, see what you find. Good luck.
2006-10-14 11:09:43 · answer #4 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so happy, it was only a 35 minute drive ( 70 minutes total) but absolutely no sign of anxiety or panic i shopped till I dropped - brilliant! I will now go for the next stage DUAL CARRIAGE way, probably at the weekend, with my husband accompanying me first then the solo drive, if successful the final stage of driving on motorway
Beat Anxiety And Panic Attacks Naturally?
2016-05-17 07:00:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely not gay...only straight guys get performance anxiety.
2006-10-15 01:02:12 · answer #6 · answered by Spyder 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you're not gay. The 'getting it up' thing has nothing to do with being gay-you might've just been nervous. Try watching a little porn or something and get some practice lol
2006-10-14 10:57:15 · answer #7 · answered by Carlos 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every guy has performance anxiety once in a while. I think much of this is due to not feeling comfortable even by yourself. I give people more slack then your are willing to give them Nonetheless, you might want to decide what turns you on. As wild as it might be, determine what give you "rock". When you find this information out, make sure that you lead the sexual experience by going for your fantasy. In most cases, your partner might be just as unsure of himself as you are of yourself. You might even ask your partner what he would like for you to do. For me, giving someone the experience he fantasizes about turns me on. Hell, don't worry about your dick. Men like butts, legs, chests, arms, smells and everything else.
2016-03-18 09:37:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude !!! get a hold of yourself !!
Performing anxiety !! relax its not that big of a deal.
This Kinda thing happens to the best of us.
Just gotta relax and take it slow, if it helps next time you know you are going to meet with her, it may help stimulate her and have her play with you in the process. but above all relax.
2006-10-14 11:39:13 · answer #9 · answered by Amador1_79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me that your problem is performance anxiety. i don't think you're gay and i think you know this. by you thinking so much about not getting it up, you're interfering with nature. and don't think about you being too old. you don't have anything to be ashamed of. i suggest talking to someone or getting somoe motivation tapes. it'll help. good luck
2006-10-14 11:27:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋