She cheated when her first love of 27 yrs ago came a calling (they were 14 & 15) Never saw it coming how do you get over the anger and jealousy. We had reversed roles I've been the homemaker Taking odd jobs to help make the ends meet while I took care of 15 yr old son. How do I move on?
2006-10-14 10:18:43 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you're still together, find someone qualified to help you through this.
2006-10-14 10:21:22 · answer #1 · answered by sendmedaisies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is a hard thing but to save your marriage I believe its time for you to get up and get a job you have a fifteen year old he does not need a babysitter, He can be left alone maybe its time to start being a provider in different areas when do you think its time to find yourself.. Being stable in your marriage as a whole.
I think you need to sit down and talk with your wife I believe she might be tired!! worn out!! coming home looking at you and supporting the household fully!! Sit down , look in the mirror you should of been out of the house working full time when your son turned 12 or sooner. Your the MAN of the household, I believe your letting her down as the role your taking.. Make a positive push forward.. I know cheating hurts but its not the end of the world ask her why and what was the reason.
Now you should have a new direction in your marriage work together, you have NO EXCUSE to be sitting at home, no more odd jobs find a real one and stick with it prove your the husband she grew to love.
2006-10-14 10:38:27 · answer #2 · answered by M M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's tough. I would say something about "considering the source " but I don't know enough about the situation to make any judgments. I have seen people fall out of love ? Your tastes might change over the years ? Perhaps it is a blessing it happened now while your young enough to move on . Again, I don't know enough ?? Were you guys tight ? Were you giving all to the relationship that you could or had you become complacent ? Any way you slice it or dice it ..... IT SUCKS !!
To move on I suggest you do just that. But please don't jump and try to replace her. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself !! She probably never let go of him and hid ? these feelings for years. I recommend maybe going to church. A great place to meet women who are normally of a higher quality than you would meet in a bar. Again , sorry you have to go through this. The sun will come up tomorrow and over time your emotions will recover.
2006-10-14 10:38:54 · answer #3 · answered by rock d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go back to school, find a trade that you like are into etc....your son is close to getting a job of his own......move out and start fresh.. Marriage counseling is a start too. If, she isn't willing then you could go solo. Time will heal the hurt, holding onto anger only hurts you. Try, the local directory and find a group of others that are going trough the same thing you are....hope things get better for you. Try and have a wonderful weekend......Good Luck
2006-10-14 10:30:22 · answer #4 · answered by Dimples 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You forgive her like the quakers forgave the killer of their children...
Isn't that YOUR wife and the MOTHER of your child... Why would she throw away 25 years of marriage for something she gave up 27 years ago? Have you been taking her for granted?
Are you not willing to fight for her? I don't mean go beat the guy up... She obviously made the decision to CHOOSE you over him... Where did it get sidetracked?
If you're divorced already, find another woman... Show this other woman the time of her life... Be the romeo that you set out to be with your wife. Let her see what she is missing.
If you're not divorced. Why are you letting this punk try to show your wife a better time than you can... You can make her scream in romantic ecstasy, this punk gave up on her 27 years ago... He may remember a couple of things, but you're master of the house, dude.
You've got it in you... Go for it!!! What have you got to lose? A punk? Your son will be old enough to remember how you tried to be the man with his mom.
You may be down, but you're not out... put on the suit and get some flowers... Make her a nice meal and go dancing or whatever she likes to do...
When that punk comes around she ought to kick him to the curb saying I'm sorry this house has room for only one man and YOU ain't that man!!!
Get off your rump and do it!!!!
2006-10-14 10:36:34 · answer #5 · answered by James B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pain may not go away.... Moving on is one thing.
Realize that your anger and jealousy is normal and that things take time to heal. Yes that is the worse thing to hear is "time" but we all know it's true. I would get in to some therapy. Releasing your anger and thoughts is one way to heal faster. You can't hide your feelings, they will never go away till there solved. I'm sure you have people that are close to you and supportive. Let them in. Lean on them. Life seems dark to you now but there is always light at the other end.
Most important is to NOT BLAME YOURSELF!
Yes it's hard but this is NOT YOUR FAULT!
I wish your pain will ease soon.
Don't Forget THIS WILL PASS!!
2006-10-14 10:54:27 · answer #6 · answered by Bubba 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is take care of yourself, just as you've taken care of your son all his life. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy in the moment (and I don't mean hitting the bottle, which will only make it worse). That could mean taking a walk, reading a book, going for a long walk or run (exercise will lift your mood), or talking to a trusted friend about your feelings. Take refuge in church, if you're religious, or even if you're not, it may help you find some peace. You are grieving, and you need to indulge that. Take care.
2006-10-14 10:25:41 · answer #7 · answered by Peggy M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time - There is no guilt; there is not shame and no blame. Each relationship has brought you many blessings of one kind or another. We never fall in love with someone unless we are getting something extremely valuable. Once you understand who you are, what you are choosing and why, you can choose alternative and more constructive ways of fulfilling your needs. The exploration of us is the final frontier. This journey starts to get very exciting too, as we being peeling back the surface layers and see the beautiful person inside.
2006-10-14 10:37:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a housewife and when my hubby cheated I thought I wasn't important enough in the household but I did everything for him and it still wasn't enough, being at home does not mean you don't qualify for the same respect as everyone else.....we went to counselling and now he has to work really hard on gaining my trust and making me feel appreciated so I don't run out and do it to him! Our counselor said some people like him are just selfish people and don't think of others when they do stuff like this, now we are facing a DNA test because she says she is pregnant with his kid, she has turned so mean and hateful since she wanted more then a drunken one night stand but we will get through it and as time goes on the sting that you feel at first starts to fade, but do get a private checking account so you are okay if the pattern repeats itself!
2006-10-14 11:38:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through much the same thing after 30yrs. of marriage. It ain't easy. Buying time is what your doing. Try the gym to help release stress and find a new network of friends. Check to see if there is a mens support group in your area. Working full time also passes the time. Good luck
2006-10-14 10:57:33 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dontcha know the mate is last to know. Because it's hard to accept that your mate would ever hurt you. However, I cant believe you didnt see it coming in some form. At any rate, LET IT GO. You've already wasted a ¼ of a century. Please dont waste another minute on anger & jealousy. She's NOT worth it!
2006-10-14 10:26:12 · answer #11 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋